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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Heading towards year 2 exams (uni 2017)

998 replies

brizzlemint · 21/03/2019 02:50

Starting uni 2017 continued.
Tales of radiators, errant boilers, tomatoes and potato mashers...oh and university students.

OP posts:
TheOrigRightsofwomen · 12/04/2019 21:52

You've all been so lovely, thank you.
We did have a small talk and he did say he would talk to his tutor when he's back. That's something but I think he should do it sooner so they know he's been struggling NOT that he just couldn't be arsed to revise.

I just feel so sad for him, he's always been so level and knew his own mind. I think it's been in his mind for months rather than weeks as I did notice a lack of our usual communication towards the end of last term - just fewer funny txts and snapchats.

I know there's been some nights where he just hasn't got to sleep until the small hours (so it's no wonder he's sleeping late), but he seems unwilling to break that cycle.

I don't know who he would talk to. I am divorced so his dad isn't here day to day. For all his faults I do think his dad might have some insight as he dropped out of uni and also has a less conventional outlook on life. But he will decide that for himself.

I am off work next week so while me being around more won't make him better, some time and nice meals and walks can't hurt. I've been so busy with work (and juggling being a single parent of 2) so I'll hopefully be better able to support him.

SMaCM · 12/04/2019 22:03

Rights - I managed to get one of my DD's course mates to take her in to see her tutor for a chat. My nephew went through a massive wobble in year 2, took some time out to collect his thoughts and then went back and repeated the year and did really well.

I keep telling DD that it's up to her to decide her future and if it is not completing her degree, then that's the way it is. At the moment her chosen career does require her to finish her degree.

Horsemad · 13/04/2019 15:40

Flowers Rights, I hope your DS feels able to talk to a tutor.
In the interim, I'd suggest gently trying to coax him into a better sleeping pattern. As you said, some nice food cooked by Mum and some outdoors exercise can all help, this may help his sleeping actually.

If he does decide to leave uni don't worry - my DS1 did the same and is now happy as Larry working.

Just keep the channels of communication open and let him know you support him whatever decision he makes (I'm sure you are already doing all of this, you sound a lovely Mum).

Xenia · 13/04/2019 18:22

Good advice above.
Meanwhile here the guests and the twins have gone to a party and will be back in the night so suddenly peace has descended and only one guest will be here tonight and I think until Tuesday or end of the week....

Until tomorrow when I have 10 for lunch including the grandchildren. i think I can just about squeeze them round the table - 10 chairs and if it is too cramped I am sure the toddler can sit on a knee, actually I think it will be having its nap then anyway so that's 9. I have had very carefully to move piles of university books to the side from the large table without losing open pages as I didn't want to upset their work but also need the table empty. I am glad we got the MOT on the car they drive yesterday as the garage had to replace a part in the steering which could have caused a big problem if he hadn't picked up on it.

Right back to my peace and quiet... i.e. the next load of washing.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 14/04/2019 23:03

I just happened upon this when trying to find something else on the university website:

"However, if you are a full-time student who lives with other non-student adults, or part-time students you will need to pay at least a proportion of Council Tax."

Might be worth taking into account when choosing year 3 flatmates.

OP posts:
SMaCM · 14/04/2019 23:55

Brizzle - my daughter and her student friend lived with a non student last year. He agreed to pay all the council tax, as they wouldn't have had to pay if they shared with another student.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 14/04/2019 23:58

I think most do that but it's worth being aware I think.

OP posts:
SMaCM · 15/04/2019 10:29

Brizzle - yes definitely. It could be a costly mistake for people choosing to live with non students.

Xenia · 20/04/2019 14:21

I think if you live with non students the council tax liability is only on the non student however so it is not a costly mistake unless you feel a moral obligation to chip in. The constly mistake is for the non student to live in a big house with students as they then are liable for 75% of council tax noa big house rather than 75% of what it would be on a one person flat or 25% of it on a house share with 3 other non students. I did check this the other day as one of my son's next year housemates might have been going to miss a year and work but instead I think he's going to redo a year or something like that.

Meanwhile my two arrived in Geneva today and will have almost reached their ski resort in France now for the university ski trip. I was going to say the endless stream of student visitors is over - we have had at least 5 or 6 staying at various times one for over a week and others visiting for the day and they are all lovely; but in fact my daughter came to stay yesterday whch is lovely too so not quite an empty house yet. (We did "Easter" last weeknd with all the family round here to eat because the twins are away tomorrow).

One son got quite good marks on his latest essays which just came through so feels more relaxed about the 3 essays due quite soon.

SMaCM · 21/04/2019 10:13



SMaCM · 21/04/2019 10:15

Happy Easter. DD is off on her uni trip tomorrow and dosed up on sore throat meds today. We've been trying to convince her it's a 24 hour bug 🤞

ErrolTheDragon · 21/04/2019 18:00

Hope you're right!

Need to call DD ... afaik she's happily enough revising/socialising while we're off on our hols. DH booked the main part - a trip through the Outer Hebrides then Skye - somehow not realising that it started on Easter Monday ... roads near us are a disaster at bank holidays so we left on Thursday and had a couple of pleasant days near Stirling and tonight in Oban. Very glad we weren't rushing for a ferry as the A85 was closed due to an accident...well, as detours go, up Glen Coe and down the Argyll coast road has a better than average scenery:traffic ratioGrin so we're not complaining.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 21/04/2019 18:02

TheOrigRightsofwomen How are things with you and your DS now?

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 21/04/2019 20:42

Errol that sounds fab and you have been so lucky with the weather!

I have had a couple of days in my old uni city with an old flatmate Smile and came back to find out that DS Has put it as his insurance, so at least I will be happy if he doesn't get the grades for his firm WinkGrin

Haffdonga · 21/04/2019 21:19

Happy Easter everyone! We've got both our ds home revising for the last time ever before ds1 heads off to the other side of the world with his gf and ds2 plunges into hospital placements and grown up style 2 week holidays.

I'm loving watching the two of them re-bonding over guitar nerdiness and Game of Thrones spoilers while trying to go over flash cards in the sun.

latedecember1963 · 22/04/2019 09:22

Hope everyone's enjoying the gorgeous weather. We had breakfast on the patio yesterday. We don't manage that very often in the summer!

Ds2 is heads down in revision and essay writing, but managed to see some mates on Sat evening. I'm taking him back on Thurs. This holiday seems to have flown by!

In other news, DS1 and his girlfriend have booked their wedding. 🎉 It's in August 2021 so a while off but if I think back over the last 2 years the time will whizz by.

I've also been wondering about you and your son, Rights.
Hope you've had a chance to have some chats.

Horsemad · 22/04/2019 10:10

Ooh exciting wedding news 🙂

We're definitely enjoying the gorgeous weather here, this is one of the best Easter breaks I've had for a while, so relaxing.

DS2 is working today at a local aviation museum, he's been revising and working on an essay too.

I agree the holiday has gone fast latedecember63, he goes back at the weekend. I have two days grace then DS1 turns up for a week!

Hope everyone else's Bank Holiday has gone well.

Xenia · 22/04/2019 11:24

Congratulations on the wedding. One of my older ones has married and since then had the grogeous grandchildren which is all very lovely. My student twins are skiing and one called yesterday which was good as I could hear how it was all going. His friend skis at a similar level to him (they both like blue and green i.e. easy runs) and had a lovely day yesterday. I expect it's really sunny. Police dogs come round at 10pm to make people shut down any loud music which sounds like a very good idea to me. Biggest university ski trip in the world - supposedly - so it must be a huge job for the resort to try to keep all those students in order and safe.

Needmoresleep · 22/04/2019 14:30

Weddings...I am in the middle of packing to go to a wedding in Asia. Its a long time since I took a long haul flight on my own and am getting really nervous about the 14 non stop plus connection.

It will be lovely when I get there but such a long way. And I am a bit sad I miss the last week of DDs holiday. In compensation I think I am invited to spend a few days in Bristol in June when her flatmates will be gone. Though suspect it might be to help with the end of tenancy clean.

bigTillyMint · 22/04/2019 15:11

Xenia, we know a few on that trip - a LOT of drinking apparently! DD thinks she might go next year but may have to ski with the hard drinking boys she knows who are also competent skiers - I'm not so keen Grin

Xenia · 22/04/2019 17:01

Yes, one of my sons went last year too (but his twin last year had a field trip which this year he and others have persuaded the department to be the week after so no clash).

One called me today and for some reason I thought from the background talking he was in a hospital with a nurse and being told where to put his leg. I had totally invented that in my head however as he was just walking into his apartment and the bad news was he had lost one of his bank cards which compared with breaking a leg which I had feared seems minor. Apparently it's very hot so lots of people are on fewer ski runs than normal but still a good lots of sking being had by all or at least my two anyway.

Needmoresleep · 22/04/2019 17:12

We accidentally went to the same place as DDs ski trip last year.

We had originally all planned to go that week and stay where a friend of hers was chalet host. Then she discovered the ski trip was to the same place and in the same week so she booked, only later discovering that she was the only one of a small number of first years. A bit worried she encouraged us to book as planned.

We had not realised that doing this was a thing. Every other family in the chalet had student children with them.

Advantages were:

  • the chalet holiday was cheaper, even with flights and food, than the University ski trip, and accommodation was better.
  • you could buy tickets to the events you wanted to go to so could dip in and out.
  • you could switch between skiing with friends and parents. The latter mattered as the friends groups tended to grow to thirty or more, all of different ability, not great when you ski well.
  • one of the students had a post Christmas deadline so spent the time before dinner working, something they could not have done in the shared hostel like accommodation.

There was a huge amount of drinking with a dozen Universities in town. One issue was the main disco on the slopes was on a red run. Getting drunken non skiing friends down was apparently very scary.

This year's trip was just before Christmas before the second year had broken up. She plans to go next year though. And no, we are not invited.
.

latedecember1963 · 22/04/2019 17:14

As parents I feel as though we subconsciously hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Skis and alcohol would definitely be on my "twitchy " radar! I don't recall any of this in the Mothercare Baby Manual that I practically read the print off when we were expecting DS1. 😁

Hope all goes well with your travel, Needmoresleep, and that you have a fabulous time.

bigTillyMint · 22/04/2019 17:42

NMS, they are there now Confused

Xenia · 22/04/2019 17:46

My daughter about 14 years ago booked the same place with her friends at the same resort as the university ski trip and that worked well she said as they had better accommmodation than those on the ski trip and had more control over things. However my son did like it last year other than the bus journey and this year the twins have flown out with friends which at least avoided 24 hours on a coach and ferry etc.

Skiing and alcohol would not be a good combination at all. I hope my two are sensible. they do know the risks in skiing particularly that it is other people usualy not yourself that cause accidents so always look around you.

Last year one of mine took a photo of a ski marshall which didn't go down very well with the official obviously, silly boy.... I hope he doesn't do that this year. You have to treat foreign officials like Gods unless you want to get into trouble.