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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Heading towards year 2 exams (uni 2017)

998 replies

brizzlemint · 21/03/2019 02:50

Starting uni 2017 continued.
Tales of radiators, errant boilers, tomatoes and potato mashers...oh and university students.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 09/04/2019 17:15

He seems ok thanks RedHelenB. Fingers crossed it's just normal cold/end of term tiredness!

RedHelenB · 09/04/2019 17:19

Hopefully. 4 people on dd1 s course had glandular fever this academic year!

Horsemad · 09/04/2019 17:20

Oh yeah, the 'kissing disease' 😉 My friend had that aged 12, really wiped her out.

MountainPeakGeek · 09/04/2019 19:10

@Needmoresleep

We're in Canada. Yes, it's the same thing with the regular exams here too. The ones this week are his final exams for the second year, but only on what he's been taught since January (semester system) and each class has already had a couple of midterms, so these finals are only worth between 20-30% of his final grade for each subject, which takes the pressure off a bit.

Xenia · 09/04/2019 20:30

One of my twins has only 2 exams this summer (in May) so that's not too bad. My house keeps filling up - the second guest is here now, very nice boy and I just drove 5 of them to a pub to watch a football match which will be interesting as only one of the 5 likes football so it's quite kind of the others to tolerate the outing. It looked a realy grotty pub with a few old men in it so I hope it's okay.

Malbecfan · 11/04/2019 17:26

Belated congrats to @Errol's daughter. I hope @Horsemad's DS is soon on the mend.

Our Easter holiday with DD here is almost at an end. She is going back on Saturday as she wants to build up to full working pace before term starts again and there is something at the college boat club she is keen to get involved with.

And to all those of you who predicted on the previous thread that she & the lad next door who both became single around Christmas would get together, you're right! She went to stay with his family overnight so they could go to a football match together. They are season ticket holders, she supports the opposition so had to keep quiet when our/her team scored (and won). I picked her up from the station and she said that they have decided to see what happens as a couple. He's off abroad for a year in the summer, so who knows, but their floor/staircase has made plans to go out and visit as a group.

Oh yes, and DD2 turns 18 tomorrow. Our house is a barrel of laughs of revision at the moment Hmm

bigTillyMint · 11/04/2019 17:29

Malbec WinkGrin

Horsemad · 11/04/2019 19:00

Thanks Malbecfan, he's fine now and working hard on revision. We keep running out of milk and biscuits though... 🙄

That's nice for your DD re her new relationship 🙂

Malbecfan · 11/04/2019 20:11

Thank you both. At least this young man's parents appear more normal than the last. They both work, despise middle-lane hoggers on the M25 and seem to like DD (and like football). The complete opposite of batshit mother of the last one!

bigTillyMint · 11/04/2019 21:18

Oh yes I'd forgotten the batshit mother Grin

Xenia · 11/04/2019 22:35

Full house here. A third person came to stay tonight - they are all out - the 5 including my 2 who are staying here and my other son's friends and someone else who seems to have driven from Surrey just to go out tonight here near our lot with them. They have keys so I won't stay up much longer.

We have had some very hard work too - 3 of them round our huge table - it is like a university library or study room in there and my other son working upstairs.
The whole group met at the cinema today too with my older son and good news - I just learned my twins got some knd of job at Hampton court in the summer they applied for but he doesn't know the pay or the dates apparently as the one line email didn't say and not so good news their kind friend who recommended the job to them and has done it for 2 years with whom they were going to do it hasn't apparently got the job this year.

Not so good other news one son's friends have just fixed a trip abroad for the only week of the summer we have our family holiday booked. I did suggest my son could may be fly from Italy to Spain for a day or two in our holiday to see his friends as a sort of compromise.

SMaCM · 11/04/2019 23:00

Xenia my DD is missing a holiday with her friends, because it clashes with our family holiday. We were going to see if there was a compromise, but she didn't seem bothered (probably because she couldn't afford to go anyway I suspect).

Xenia · 12/04/2019 08:09

I don't think he will mind too much when he's up I will let him know my suggestion of giong there for a few days won't work. i suppose he could leave our holiday 2 days early and fly to Spain for the last bit of the other one but it sounds not likely to be worth it with all the travelling and cost.

FaithFrank · 12/04/2019 09:42

It seems like dd isn't getting much of a holiday at the moment. She has 3 pieces of coursework to complete and exams starting in mid-May. It's really work, revision with a few visits mixed in.

She has a newish boyfriend and feels slightly guilty that he always comes to see her here. She has not been to his because she is dreading meeting his mum. Maybe another batshit mum? Grin

Malbecfan · 12/04/2019 10:35

Fingers crossed that she's somewhere on the spectrum of normal @FaithFrank. DD's other boyfriends have all had nice mums/stepmums and we've always got on fine. I made an effort with the batshit one, but she turned it all against me and tried to get me fired. Good job my headteacher was all too aware of her fuckwittery and had my back!

Off into town shortly. I've prized DD1 away from her study for a couple of hours but she had only planned a bit of work for today as she wants to pack, & it's also DD2's birthday. DD2 is meeting her mates for lunch, so DD1 and I will go somewhere else civilised and enjoy our last full day together before the summer holidays...

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 12/04/2019 13:14

I've lurked and posted a bit on this (or the previous) threads but haven't posted for a while. And now I find myself needed some advice.

I'll try and keep it brief.

DS1 (age 20), finishing 2nd year electronic engineering at Southampton.
He's doing OK, finding it very challenging, but has got through OK so far. He's capable of a 2:i, but sitting in 2.ii at the moment. His very strong maths has helped boost the overall score.

So, he's changed. Has really struggled in yr2, missed loads of lectures, got behind in course work, generally become overwhelmed.

He's also changed his mindset and doesn't know whether he wants to do this fast track, fast money, highly competitive and hard working route. This makes it very hard to find the motivation to study. I don't mind if he doesn't want to follow that route any more, I will support his decision, there is no pressure from me.

He's been home 2 weeks and in that time has done one lot of course work. The last one he didn't hand it at all. He has done NO revision. He's not sleeping well and quite a few days has stayed in bed until early afternoon then just farted about the house. I work from a garden office at home so know what he's up to. I know he's going out smoking dope now and again.

We have talked a bit, but he's starting to retreat into himself - lost his spark - just fucking miserable TBH.

He knows it's OK that to get a 2.ii in that subject from SH uni would give him very good options for his future.

I don't mind what he does, but he has to do something. He is reluctant to email his tutor.

I have no experience with this at all and just don't know what to do. I don't want to nag him, I don't want to push him, but he's also my son and well...he's a person in a difficult situation that I want to help or advise.

Any help appreciated.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 12/04/2019 13:41

That's hard.
I think I'd try to sit down together with a large sheet of paper and write down all the possible ways forward you can both think of no matter how ridiculous they seem at the time and then go through them and see which ones appeal to him and which he thinks are not worth even considering just going on gut instinct or on discussion whichever suits him most.

It's very nearly the end of the year now, has he done the end of year exams yet? If not is it an option to take a break now and go back and do year 2 again in September if that is what he wants? It's fairly easy (been there, done that...) to sort out student finance for a repeated year/course extension.

Maybe this link will help if you've not seen it already.

www.southampton.ac.uk/assets/sharepoint/intranet/calendar/publicdocuments/Fitness%20to%20Study.pdf

www.southampton.ac.uk/studentservices/support-wellbeing.page

You sound like a lovely parent BTW

OP posts:
Xenia · 12/04/2019 15:21

I am sorry he's miserable. Is there anyone else in the famly or whom he knows who could talk to him about it if he won't discuss it with you?

Is he so behind he will fail year 2 or is it just that he might get a 2/2 this year?
His tutor probably would be more than happy to discuss the issues. it is what they are there for so it's a pity he doesn't want to email the tutor.
I hope he manages to sort out what he needs to do to get back on track with his degree even if he wants a different career once he graduates from what he originally planned.

Haffdonga · 12/04/2019 17:27

He does sound very depressed. I've heard of 2 students in the last week who have been given permission to pause their course and return (or not) next year to retake as a result of depression. I'd say he first needs medical help. Will he agree to see his GP? If he then has the evidence of a mental health condition then the uni is much more likely to be flexible about potential future retakes.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/04/2019 17:30

Oh gosh, I'm sorry, rights.Thanks our DC were applying to mostly the same courses back then - they're tough and full-on, for sure.

Do you have any idea whether there's anything particular behind these changes?

FaithFrank · 12/04/2019 17:50

So sorry to hear that Rights Flowers It must be tough.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 12/04/2019 18:57

Thank you so much for your replies. I'll be back later. I've had a good old cry.

Haffdonga · 12/04/2019 19:23

Oh Rights Sad Flowers

I just asked ds what he would say to a friend in your ds's situation. His answer was your ds really really really should talk to his tutor if he wants the possibility of completing the course. If he won't talk, then dropping out of his course is not the end of the world. What the fuck does a bit of paper matter to him if he's feeling shit?

Oh, the wisdom of 20 year olds who know everything, eh?

latedecember1963 · 12/04/2019 19:25

Sorry to hear your son is having a rough time, Rights. Our elder son went through a difficult time at university. It's really tricky trying to work out if it's a perfectly normal "dip" / self-doubt that most of us have along the way or something more.
Some of what you describe such as sleeping more than usual could be a sign of depression. Or it could be that he is feeling anxious and overwhelmed by his course. The symptoms of depression and anxiety often overlap. Is he sleeping ok at night? Our son's sleep pattern went completely haywire.
If he could speak to or email his personal tutor they will hopefully be supportive. They've seen it all before and can help him plan how to get back on top of his work if he feels up to it.
It's good he's home at the moment so you can see if you can spot any behaviour patterns.
Once he's back at uni might find it useful to have the number/email of Nightline if there is one. They can't give advice but they are a listening service during the night when worries always seem magnified.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 12/04/2019 20:41

Flowers and a glass of Wine for rights
The sleeping thing could be linked to depression or it could just be a change of sleeping habits. When I have a day off I take my DCs to school and go back to bed for a few hours as I'm a night owl who studies late into the evening when they have gone to bed.

OP posts: