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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Heading towards year 2 exams (uni 2017)

998 replies

brizzlemint · 21/03/2019 02:50

Starting uni 2017 continued.
Tales of radiators, errant boilers, tomatoes and potato mashers...oh and university students.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 15/11/2019 09:03

Lol, it is latedecember1963! The essay was a long read - I never realised he knew so many long words! Grin Hopefully he'll get a good mark as he's put quite a lot of effort into it.

Well Done to your DD bTM! She is a Star and they all ought to be buying her a few drinks to say Thank You imo!

The German placement sounds a good opportunity Malbecfan, north or south?

Horsemad · 15/11/2019 09:06

@RedHelenB that sounds a lovely weekend. I must ask DS2 if he wants me to defer Xmas decorations until he arrives home, but that isn't until mid Dec. Smile

bigTillyMint · 15/11/2019 09:27

@Horsemad, I think that has already been suggested Grin

ErrolTheDragon · 15/11/2019 10:13

Good for her, BTM! Sounds like she's had a good practical lesson in the art of negotiation. The LL probably thought students would be a pushover - glad she wasn't.

Needmoresleep · 15/11/2019 10:25

BTM. Brilliant. Well done to her for sticking to her guns. Going to court would have been a real hassle for them, but also for the landlord and he presumably realises he probably would have lost. It sounds like both parties got a reasonable deal.

Before decoration they should insist that everything is dust sheeted to protect from plaster dust. Or they should put everything away, hide things under the bed etc. And leave the sheets down for as long as possible as the dust takes two or three days to settle.

Then a big party.

DD turned 21 last summer. Her birthday is always during exams, but we were able to do something just before the start of term, and about a dozen of her University friends stayed the night and then continued on to University. Weirdly she seems to be the only Londoner, indeed perhaps the only southerner, amongst her friendship group. Others have persuaded now her to attend some sort of conference in a couple of weeks time (I think medics are encouraged to go to additional professional conferences, which are then fun as they meet students from other medical schools as well as learning more about specialisations) so that they can then stay with us. Last time her friend, from the Midlands, had never been to London and was completely amazed, which was fun. I am a bit of an evangelical Londoner and similarly took my mum's carer, who again had never visited the capital, around for the day. I think she was quite relieved when she got on the train back to Dorset.

I don't think the snow settled. DD is on placement and if any surgery is involved, the surgeon normally insists medical students accompany him on his early rounds, meaning they have to be in by 7.30am. DD obviously needed to complain to someone about snow at such an early hour, so picked me. I guess it makes a change from rain. She is on placement out of Bristol from late January for six months, which will effectively be the end of her being a proper student.

The career thing is odd. We sat opposite a student on the train last weekend who was taking a Masters at Imperial after a degree at Durham, who suggested the biggest difference was how career orientated everyone was in London. Networking breakfasts, career events and more, and everyone discussing applications and options. This matches our experience. At the LSE parent induction day, laid on for parents of overseas students mainly, but interesting nonetheless, our student guide complained that in your first term the careers office rationed to two advice sessions only. I may be wrong but I doubt too many students elsewhere even try to get two career sessions in their first term. The fixation on Goldman Sachs et al caused DS to rebel and decide investment banking was not for him. Even then he seemed to be having "next steps" type conversations at an early stage gaining a lot of information from people a year or two above him.

At the parent induction the LSE Director had a whole powerpoint with information about post University career paths, and commented that employer feedback was that LSE grads were usually technically ahead, but sometimes lacked breadth. I think this may be the case for medicine as well. DD is really enjoying her rural GP placement with some great home visits to farms, but probably does not have the same depth of technical knowledge of her friend at Imperial. Degrees are only the start of the learning process so as long as you get the job you want, it probably does not matter.

Haffdonga · 15/11/2019 10:38

Brava to BTM's dd! Has she ever considered law herself? Sounds like she'd be a SHL. Flowers Wink

DS has finished (and passed) his recent exams and now has a break which he is spending at uni 'doing stuff'. I suspect stuff may be female - but as I said, he's the darkest of horses so he could be married with 3 dcs and I would be the last to know! As long as he's happy etc ...

I need to brace myself for a convo soon, as he's choosing his intercalation (extra year). He's chosen the subject and options are A. an extremely expensive (parentally funded) masters or a B, an essentially free Bsc. He likes the masters best of course - fine, except he hasn't really done the sums. (Bang goes the plan to replace our ancient car and visit ds1 in Oz next year).

DH's attitude to education is all very I'll sell my kidneys to get my boys an education so I feel quite the scrooge asking ds to consider the merits of course B.

Conversations have been:
DS: I like course A but can you help me fund it?
Dh: Yes I'll sell my kidneys etc
Me: But hang on. What about course B? It's almost the same and free.
DS: Are you saying you can't afford me to do course A?
Me: We could afford it if it's definitely the right course but money has to be a consideration.
DS: So you're telling me we cant afford it?
Me: We can afford it - just - if it's definitely the right course. Look at this spreadsheet. This is what it would cost. Is it worth it?
DS: So you want me to do course B. That's what you're saying isn't it?
DH: I'll sell my kidneys. etc

And round we go. AIBU?

Horsemad · 15/11/2019 11:05

Tricky Haff, I don't envy you that situation... Any wealthy grandparents who'd be happy to contribute? How much will the Masters actually cost?

Also I did laugh out loud at:
he could be married with 3 dcs and I would be the last to know! As long as he's happy etc ...

This sums up my DS1 perfectly! Grin

Horsemad · 15/11/2019 11:07

PS I think you really HAVE to visit your DS in Oz - just throwing that in there!

Needmoresleep · 15/11/2019 11:33

Haff, if it were you and you shared the same interests as your DS, would the Masters be worth investing in? DS' Masters was really expensive but as a cold investment decision it has paid off. (He now has six years of generous PhD funding, so does not need anything from us.) DD in contrast flirted with a very glamorous sounding intercalation in a niche area of medicine. It turned out that my physio had worked in that field and came up with a lot of good reasons why she should avoid it. (It was in Nottingham if that is any help.) DD instead is hoping to be accepted for a BSc (so capped fees and live at home) in something more mainstream but tied in with the area she would like to specialise in.

Has he been to any open days? Not all do them but DD went to Imperial and QMUL last Christmas which helped her sort out her priorities. At one point she liked the idea of air ambulance trauma medicine (probably not called that) which is offered at QMUL, but realised from the numbers there, that she was far from the only one.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/11/2019 11:53

You're quite right, haff, he needs to do a more serious cost-benefit analysis, not just expect the BOMAD to fund his preference if there's a good alternative. It's not unreasonable at all (probably very good for him) to have to make a case for A.
He should be able to enumerate the benefits of A v B more than 'likes it better' - is this based in something more than gut feel, better marketing or whatever?

Ancient cars sometimes fail before you anticipate - would you be able to manage if you'd depleted your funds too much?

Xenia · 15/11/2019 13:29

We started the 3 months + summer holiday with my saying we would have a 20 minute career discussion once a week until they had made some decisions. Within 10 minutes of each first session they both made a decision (law which I support as I love it) so that was easy. one has applied for the Septmeber 2020 GDL and the other has been "about to" for few months but tends to do things only when there si a deadline. So I think they are sorted ouf for the next 4 years at least and will live at home for at least the next 2 from June 2020. It is one reason I got one a big desk at home when he moved in his bed room and his new double bed etc. If they were about to leave forever in the summer I would not have bothered.

So I am happy to fund that if they don't find a law firm to do so. If it were any other course (psot grad) I would be happy to do as well if they could make out a good case for doing it.

One of my sons shares a house with some very career focussed friends so he has certainly seen in Bristol the very keen kind mentioned above as being at LSE etc.

Our tree comes (and is decoraed for me) in mid Dec. When I was a little girl we always got i around then (my birthday) so I keep up the tradition and get it taken down on or just before epiphany - I think this year it ig going on the Friday just before. We have always had quite a few Nov/Dec birthdays in this family so Christmas cannot start until they are all over.Also I think Bristol breaks up on 20 Dec so a good long time left yet. The twins are coming back one with his girl friend for a preChristmas family lunch in London with all the family at end of Nov.

One just called me to get h is NI number. Are you applying for jobs I said? No, he wants to register to vote in Bristol apparently and sees no point in voting here - he has a postal vote he won't now exercise at home. He has 2 essays to do so couldn't chat.

Meanwhile I am very happy my new kitchen tap came... laughing as I type.... The existing one is broken off a bit and all scruffy. The replacement was the wrong size and tiny so I just had a day or 2 to order a different one to be here before the plumber comes tomorrow so I was getting worried it would not arrive in time but it has so that's my little bit of good news for the day. He is coming tomorrow when I also have a carpet cleaning company in for the first time in 4 years and they will be here for 6 hours apparently but at least it is all getting done on the same day.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/11/2019 13:42

DDs definitely planning to vote where she is, as it might make a difference, it's a very marginal seat. If she'd been home by the 12th she'd have applied for a postal vote to use there.

RedHelenB · 15/11/2019 14:33

Agree with Horsemad that you need to go to visit daughter in Oz. Maybe put it to him that if he was paying for it what would he do, would he still think A more worthwhile?

Eve · 15/11/2019 16:38

Wow , everyone seems to be getting on well with year 3. DS is OK on his placement, but not challenged, however hes moving department next week and will be more hands on . His new manager has already got tasks for him planned, his old manager didn't ever give him anything to do - said it was easier to do it herself.

As there is not a lot to do in the area round him he's spending a lot of time running - has done a few 10ks, is building up to a 1/2 marathon in Dec and has done a few fell runs. Hes also swimming a lot as wants to try a triathlon in the spring.

Malbecfan · 15/11/2019 17:37

Well done to BTM's DD. What a star!

Thanks all. DD's potential placement is in Munich, so right in the south. A shame that DH's cousins are in the NW but we're happy to drive over there and see as many of them as we can manage.

latedecember1963 · 15/11/2019 18:28

Well done to BTM's daughter. I think that calls for some nice treats from M&S!

DS2 also has ideas about further study. We have always said we will support the boys in education but there is coming a point when we will have to consider our future. I'm almost 56 and DH is 55 so we need to make sure we will have an adequate income in retirement.
We will likely downsize the house at some point which will free up some funds.
Including this year spent abroad, DS2 will have had 4 years of uni support from us. His elder brother lived at home rent free for almost 4 years when he was doing a minimum wage job. (He helped with chores and bought odd bits of groceries instead.)

Although the financial layout probably isn't equal they have both had the backing for their particular needs at the time.

Another vote for you visiting Australia, Haffdonga!

Enjoy your new tap, Xenia. It might seem like we're easily pleased, but when something that has become a daily irritation gets fixed it's a good feeling. 🙂

Xenia · 15/11/2019 18:45

Perhaps I should wait until he fits the tap tomorrow before being too pleased but it should be a simple job as new one is the same as old.

That all seems quite fair lated, in treating the two children equally. it is not easy when they do different things but tends to work out okay. My parents funded us at university. I read law andm y brother medicine so in a sense he "got more" as it was a longer course but that was fair as I could equally have chosen medicine. With my children one daughter was sponsored through 2 years of law school by a law firm so cost me nothing and the other I funded but again that was fair as I would have paid for both of them had they needed it. All you can do it try to treat them on a fairly equal basis based on the different choices they make. I am funding all 5 to the same extent as to help with a first property for example and then that's it.

Australia would be lovely. My doctor uncle and his wife emigrated there in about 1969 and we never went to vitist (they both died out there). It was really really expensive. Even the cost of the phone call once or twice a year was so big it was a huge deal at home when my father spoke to his brother from there. I tihnk relatively speaking it is much cheaper now to fly.

bigTillyMint · 15/11/2019 20:03

Thanks for all the congrats for DD - I have promised her a delivery to celebrate the end of the works with her flatmates - hopefully they can get back to normal life!

Malbecfan · 16/11/2019 15:19

Xenia I hope the tap is now functioning and the carpets are gleaming. I need to do something about my tip of a house before DD1 comes home, although she is very good at cleaning Grin

Just had a tricky morning trying to get her Christmas present. She asked for a stick blender as she's getting more into cooking and revealed last night that she's been veggie all term. However, back home she assures me she's happy to eat meat/fish because we're paying and it's cheaper to be a vegetarian. Exeter doesn't have any kitchen shops apart from Lakeland who had conveniently sold out of their hideously overpriced one so I ended up in John Lewis. Although it wasn't cheap, she will definitely make use of it. Now to find something for her sister...

Xenia · 16/11/2019 16:54

Yes, new tap, all working fine and the carpet man did a good job. I will not put the furniture I moved back until tomorrow so it can all dry. He arrived at 7.45am which was fine and finishd about 2pm and I even got a trip to the local council tip after that.

Glad you got the stick blender.

Eve · 17/11/2019 18:57

DS was very annoyed earlier in year as he could have done some of his placement on an exchange to another uni - but it didn’t get organised by the tutor in time & DS wasn’t very proactive.

Uni was the polyu in HK - very lucky miss I’m think as I read the news ! I think I would be demanding he comes home!

Only 5 weeks til he’s home for Xmas!

Horsemad · 17/11/2019 21:06

You'd have definitely been twitchy Eve!

ErrolTheDragon · 19/11/2019 09:36

Maybe the tutor (or their contacts in HK) could foresee trouble ahead.

Xenia · 27/11/2019 16:44

Mine are still doing fine. We are seeing them at the weekend for a family event. One is waiting to hear fro his preferred law school which apparently has an IT problem and a backlog but hopes to send out offers in the next few days. The other one I think is planning to apply but not in a rush to do so. At least there are no properties to book for September as they are in year 3 in our case (although of course some people are on 4 years + courses).

Horsemad · 28/11/2019 07:48

We visited DS Saturday just gone. All well there and working hard. Can't believe he'll be home in a couple of weeks, the time is flying by!

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