Heading towards year 2 exams (uni 2017)

[brizzlemint]

Starting uni 2017 continued.
Tales of radiators, errant boilers, tomatoes and potato mashers...oh and university students.

I wonder if a packet of brown powder in the post to a student residence seemed a little ... suspicious, Horsemad? Maybe someone's analysing it or smoking it somewhere.

I think the 'patients' in the OSCEs are a mix of real, presumably very patient patients and pretend patients. DS volunteered to be the patient in last years exams. He was given a list of things to say if asked including an allergy to broad beans which was apparently a key symptom of the very obscure illness he was supposed to have. He said none of the students correctly identified his disease.

LateDecember - ds1 did pretty much the same as yours over the break. He travelled with friends but they both had family plans on Christmas Day itself. In the end he spent the day in a hostel with a random multinational crew of travellers. They all had a picnic together and shared food and stories. It sounded lovely actually. We're not sure if we'll go over this time to see him. It kind of depends how it all works out for him with the girlfriend and life generally. I'm secretly hoping they'll both come back and settle in the UK

Haff!!

That was about the suspicious powder comment, not your DS settling in the UK by the way! 🙂

Just checking in again to say hello as I have half term and am procrastinating before sorting out all the Christmas music I need to choose/arrange/produce backing tracks for.

Definitely Butterscotch Angel Delight. I can't stand strawberry and not fussed for chocolate or banana. Vanilla is ok.

DD1 seems fine. I'm taking my dad to visit DD2 this week as he hasn't seen the city in years and wants to see her uni accommodation. So it's a 230 mile drive to collect him tomorrow and drop off loads of stuff for him, stay over there, then pack the car and come home via the E Midlands. DH saw DD2 a couple of weeks ago when he was at a conference nearby but other than the odd FaceTime chat, I haven't seen her for a month. I was a bit worried by one of the threads on here from someone whose DC hasn't made any friends yet at uni so I texted DD2 to see if she had, and she thought I was bonkers!

Christmas music is calling. If you have suggestions for primary children's music that is very cheap, preferably free, please let me know.

The Mysterious Case of the Missing Angel Delight. Sounds like a candidate for a Midsomer Murders episode. 😂

DS2 mentioned during a WhatsApp exchange yesterday that he'd been engaged in conversation by Morman Missionaries about his Star Wars t shirt. Obviously deploying the "young- man-Star Wars- film-geek" script. Apparently they and Jehovah's Witness people frequent the campus both in Adelaide and at his UK uni and particularly target overseas students.
He said he was pleasant but made it clear he wasn't interested. He's managed to find a group of like-minded people and seems to have a good balance of social and academic times thank goodness. Young people living a long way from home and perhaps feeling lonely or isolated probably stand out if you've been trained what to look for.

Ha, was just coming on here to post & say it arrived on Saturday! Goodness knows why it took so long to arrive. He was very pleased with it though.😃

He's doing ok, flat & flatmates all doing fine, which is nice to hear.

We're hoping to visit soon but he has some assignments due early Nov, so not sure when we'll get there, as we have to fit it in with other stuff we're doing.

Glad it arrived. I hope my twins' 21st birthday things get there this week on time. The main thing for them on post is people are not always in the house so they might have to go to the post office the next day I suppose.

Haff, I have no idea whether DD has OSCIs this term. She is on the first year of a new course, so it is a bit of a magical mystery tour. They fouled up with the OSCI at the end of last year, as they did not change the scenario over the two days. DD was in an early batch so did not know what was coming. Not surprisingly all the prize winners took the test on the second day. The silver lining is that it is probably to DDs advantage as she has done one under proper test conditions.

She has a 16 week term, with full days in the hospital and studying after, so is absolutely shattered. It is the funeral on Thursday so she needs to make up what she will miss, though I am glad of a chance to see her.

Xenia, how I wish I were executor. Instead it is a local law firm that does things at its own pace. Effectively there is a going concern, plus staff and other complications, so I am having to carry on, but with an extra, expensive, level of bureaucracy. Inter alia I am reeling at the charge out rate of someone, only a year out of a not-even top 60 law department, who did a small piece of work not very well. I know conveyancers have been squeezed, so assume it is just a matter of time before probate is. I wonder how long firms like this will survive. Our work round for the poor piece of advice, was to get the drafts we needed from one of those specialist firms that you can just call up, and to tell the Executor that we were choosing not to follow their advice. I have now decided that I won't name an Executor in my will but just allow heirs to choose where they get help. The really annoying thing is that the accountant offered to do the forms for free.

Perhaps I ought to buy DD some Angel Delight as a treat. She says that it has not stopped raining in Bristol for about a month. I think she is expecting to see Noah and his ark sailing under the suspension bridge.

I have now decided that I won't name an Executor in my will but just allow heirs to choose where they get help.

Very wise. DH had a bad experience with lawyers when he was one of the executors for his uncle, so advised his parents not to do this. He did most of the work himself and had a fixed price for the parts he needed a lawyer for.

Yes, it is something you don't realise till you go through it. The person who drafted the Will got themselves named as Executor, and indeed suggested they be named as Attorney. If the latter had happened there would not have been any estate.

The process is not that complicated. You get pension figures, property values etc which is no big deal when you are used to doing tax returns, and have an accountant. Lawyers seem to operate on a different time frame, quite content to let the process take a year or more, and the eventual cost will be appalling.

Apologies Xenia...who I exclude completely from my downer about lawyers. Perhaps I will even end up subscribing to a possible MN snobbery about low ranked law courses. (Though in fairness the conveyancing lawyer I use has supplemented his law degree with a good dose of sensible and pragmatic real life experience, and an ability to move things along. You don't need to be a genius, just efficient with common sense.)

It may be that they think little better of me. I am working towards them wanting this settled quickly simply so they can be shot of me

need, we had a thread on this once on MN - sometimes law firms will step down. We 3 siblings simply asked them and they did in mky father's case (and then I did it) although I don't think you can force them to very easily.

I htink you ideally should name someone in your will as executor. Mine names all 5 children (then they can choose t the time between them or appoint a solicitor then if they want). We 3 siblings were named and the others were content I did it.

If all the heirs agree why not ask the law firm to step down in favour of you?...Pause to look it up - this looks like a good summary www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2018/how-to-stop-a-solicitor-or-bank-being-the-executor-of-a-will/ Obviously you would have to pay them for work to date and if they refused a reasonable request to step down you can apply to the court and make a case for them not to act (the bad bit of work you mention might be good grounds)

Thank you. Really useful. My current tactic is to ensure that the numbers they need are there so not much work is needed, plus look carefully at the bills. If it drags on I will rethink. A month in, and they still have not sent out terms, though used a senior partner to take notes, which were never sent out, in the initial meeting.

And sorry about the thread divert. Useful perhaps to anyone thinking of updating their Will now our DC are turning 21. My father died the term DD stated secondary, and since then my mother has had to be my priority. When she was 15 I effectively spend three months away from home, moving my mother and sorting out her affairs, with DD very sweetly baking cakes to greet me each time I came home. I guess I owe it to DC to ensure I have my affairs in order. I certainly won't have the blind faith in lawyers that my parents had.

Better news is that DD and her exhausted friends, are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and are planning a ski trip sometime during their two week Christmas break. They have decided to swerve the official one as when they are not skiing they plan to sleep.

I am glad the light at the end of the tunnel is emerging for the tired students.

I updated mmy will when the youngest turned 18 and we did a will for the twins and their older brother too at the same time as I wanted the younger ones on a part with the older ones as all 5 were then 18. It is certainly worth people thinking about it.

You should have had standard terms of engagement out before the work was started, I thought. Mine always go out. I instructed a barrister this week on something and their terms came back within about 2 miutes of my client deciding to go ahead. Also make sure you get regular bills. When my father died his solicitors found loads of earlier legal costs going back 2 or 3 years for about 73 hours which was not set out clearly. Had they sent out a bill every month (as I do) then he could have checked it was it went along. We just accepted it in the end but then annoyingly they "found" another £5k they had accidentally missed off. It just did not seem worth suing over it or having the hassle of challenging it but I did not like the solicitor saying it did not matter because she had seen the estate was worth £x which was more than the £5k - that is not the point particularly as when I paid the 73 hours bill I did say it was on the basis there was no more.

Despite all that many people find it really useful to have a solicitor act because they are upset or busy or no sibling or spouse wants to take it over or they don't trust each other or they are not good with paperwork so I am certainly not saying it is wrong to use a solicitor as executor -something it is the best thing to do.

Anyway enough of death. The 21st birthdays of the twins went well, presents arrived other than one at the post office and they both had a nice celebration with friends last night and their brother seems on course to complete his new house purchsae next week which is excting for him.

Glad your twins had a good birthday Xenia, my DS isn't 21 until Feb, so a little while to go yet.

Happy belated birthday to the Xenia twosome!
Hope your mum's funeral goes ok tomorrow, Needmoresleep. Your daughter sounds so lovely.

Yes, good luck with the funeral. I am so sorry. My parents both died in their 70s which is pretty young these days. so we all had small children, were all supporting them on one salary working full time and parents were hundreds of miles away. Had they lived into their 80s we would all have had a lot more time but it was as it was and we all coped.

@Needmoresleep, how your mother's funeral goes well tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to your boys Xenia! DD doesn't turn 21 till the end of July

Thinking of you and your family today NeedMoreSleep

I hope all has gone well NeedMoreSleep

My mum died very suddenly when she was 54. After a bad experience with his uncle's will, my dad decided never to use a lawyer again and all 4 grandparents, 3 great uncles/aunts and my mum's have all been done by him/mum when she was alive. Dad has left massive instructions about where everything is and what to do when anything happens to him, which is really helpful. I suppose now both DDs are over 18, I need to get my own stuff sorted too.

Dad is now imbibing more preservative in the form of either vodka or gin (quite likely both) so I need to go and serve up dinner...

Yes very best wishes from me too Needmoresleep.

Needmoresleep, I hope today went as well as these things can.

Yes, I hope the funeral was okay. I remember how tiring my parents' funerals were, such a lot to do.

Despite the negative comments on lawyers and wills a lot of people do find it helpful to have someone do to is. I am certainly not saying never have solicitors as executors particularly where no member of the family has time or the famly would otherwise argue and do not get on.

Condolences to needsmoresleep.

I lost both parents in last few years and wills took some time to sort out, dads was only finislised a week before mum died. My Youngest DB is currently not speaking to me as he thinks that as I was executor of mums I didn’t pay it out quickly enough and it cost him money as he couldn’t pay off his loans. 🙄. To be honest as mums illness and passing was so quick , 6 weeks in total and I looked after her at home for all of it , it took me months before I could face dealing with a will.

On a positive note, DS is flying home tonight for a long weekend , haven’t seen him since July and very excited.

He’s been offered a role with placement company for when he graduates but won’t take it up as it’s so out of the way. Tonight he has a 2 1/2 drive to nearest airport in order to fly south.

Placement is going ok but not very structured. he’s often quite bored and having to constantly ask for work as people are too busy to spend much time with him.

I hope the placement becomes less boring, Eve. I always refuse people (even my best clients) who ask if someone can come in and watch as I just cannot work with anyone else around so I am an equal opportunities rejector although I would make an exception for my children I suppose, one of whom, my older son, has completed on the sale of his new house today so that's exciting for him He just left his current house to collect the keys.

My university twins seem happy and fine and very busy in their last year.

Thank you everyone.

I had expected the death and funeral to be the easy bit, as I effectively lost my mother 10 years ago. But by my new stress measure - number of Gaviscon tablets consumed per day - it took its toll.

The funeral went well and the Gaviscon tables are now packed away. It is difficult when someone is very elderly and lost interest in doing anything outside a strict routine, but there was a good showing of people who had been friendly with my parents, when both were well. I came close to losing it when my patronising SiL congratulated me on how well I had looked after my mother, ignoring the fact that she and my brother chose not to help me, but hey, I have kept my cool so far though I am not certain whether, once probate is done, I will ever want to see them again.

An odder one is whether we continue visiting the coastal town she lived in. We will have visited at least every couple of weeks, and to make it manageable we bought a small flat down there, and started supporting the local football team. DD spent a summer doing work experience there and one Easter DS spent mornings revising and afternoons shifting furniture. DH seems to assume that we will continue to spend weekends there. Apparently you can't change football allegiances quickly. DD, who used to moan about being dragged away from London, is now talking of applying to the local hospital for FY1. I am less sure, though have met some wonderful and supportive people. I guess I need more time before deciding what to do now we have an empty nest.

I agree with Xenia, lawyers can have a role. Their focus, alongside earning fees, seems to be to keep the taxman and all the heirs happy. So in circumstances where there are family tensions or insufficient capacity to do the paperwork, having someone neutral to steer the process is useful.

Other than that DD seems really happy. She is lucky that the course is longer as she does not seem to be in any hurry to leave University.