A second silver lining was that it happened when DS was at home, so relatively easy to him support as a family. So much easier than if the first big disappointment happens away from home. Coping with failure is an important life skill as suggested here:
www.princeton.edu/~joha/Johannes_Haushofer_CV_of_Failures.pdf
Maria I think you are right about some schools being known. Several of DCs friends were on 4A* offers, some wih STEP as well, so they still had a few months of uncertainty. The school actively encouraged pupils to prioritise course over institution and not to get too focused on specific Universities. They also firmly discouraged any thoughts of "unfairness", presumably because it is a bit rich to claim disadvantage when you have been so advantaged.
From observation we noted a few patterns:
- Oxbridge interviewed, and seemed to go for the more assured. Perhaps it was because interviewees need to be able to make a quick impression, or perhaps simply that they were expecting public school confidence so did not know what to make of the shy nerdy types. (I had a bit of a proud mother moment at DS' graduation when his tutor told me that she had only recently seen his file and was surprised to learn that he was "one of those", meaning public school boy. Perhaps the public school stereotype comes from a smallish number who fit that stereotype.)
- International students had a different pattern of acceptance. I assume there are informal quotas/targets.
- The detail of University scoring would seem to make a difference. Some courses would be really difficult for a few years (and friends would hear that other similar schools were facing the same problems) then suddenly become accessible again. One course at one University was so notorious that students were discouraged from applying. Though again that course seems to have shifted its criteria in the last couple of years.
In the end it does not seem to matter. DC's friends are largely thriving where ever they went, indeed DD has a theory that those that avoided Oxbridge and its sheltered environment: social, housing as well as academic, have had more personal development. One thing to remember is that London law and banking recruiters are often parents. If their children, or their children's friends are considering Exeter and Warwick, they will too, as they know that these Universities are recruiting some very capable students. (Trying to edit that, before I am jumped on, to be crystal clear that I am not suggesting that they recruit their children's friends, but that the Universities on city recruiters radar, especially those who were not educated in the UK themselves, are often those which are accepting bright students like Cbear99s.)
And one for the SJW's on this board:
unherd.com/2019/03/too-posh-to-fail/