Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

As long as they are his matriculation trousers that's fine Hubble. I am sorry but that raised a silent titter from me x

Could make for an interesting matriculation photo.

Perhaps Hubble

your DD must be true to herself

Finding new tfriends (distinct from superficial interactions) and being comfortable with different, demanding routines takes most people some time, at least several weeks. Being alone is fine, in fact in a few weeks time they may crave more peace and quiet.

However with all this talk on here of ‘fitting in’ please don’t let your DCs forget that they are the university (the undergraduate student body) individually as well as a mix.

The university facilities and teaching are there for them but it is up to each student ‘generation’ to take ownership, contribute and shape the university life they want. It won’t happen otherwise including societies and social events. Plurality of backgrounds, interests and personalities is all part of what makes universities like Oxbridge vibrant and interesting for young adults. Students who stick with familiar cliques and stereotypes (including geographical and social) are restricting their experience and the univeristy atmosphere for them and their fellow students will be the poorer for it.

I’m wondering what the situation is with visiting home for a weekend during term time. Obviously it’s workload dependent but DS is hoping to visit home to see his girlfriend, home being in the middle for both of them. I’ve read they need permission if it’s two or more nights (this is Oxford) does anyone have any experience. He’s being very sensible and, like most of them, is very disciplined and is a hard worker.

I think this came up on another thread. I don’t recall in my four years there receiving a note in my pigeon hole or an email from my tutor at the weekend. So if he’s away at the weekend, but worried about his tutor requiring a meeting with him or some work to be done by Monday morning, then he could do worse than ensure he is able to pick up email while he’s away, and get a friend to check his pigeon hole to make sure there’s nothing sinister lurking there. I recall toward the end of one term in the first year a friend of mine being away for almost a week - he had both his tutorials on a Monday, got his next essay titles, and went off, came back at some point on Sunday.

Thanks hingle he’s settled in really well now, and I’ve stopped crying too 😂. He is hoping to have two nights at home I think but I suspect that could change (to mot com8ng at all!). We live pretty close (maximum one hour drive) so he could be back pretty quick, he can also check his emails and has said it is subject to his workload. They have to tell the porters lodge they are away, obviously for fire safety reasons so that’s fine.

Right, because if your boy is a dirty stop-out and spends the night with someone at another college, the porter’s lodge will be keeping tabs? I understand the policy, but it doesn’t really sound enforceable!

I am glad the tears have dried up bakeandyarn! Incidentally, what’s the split of you being called y.a.r.n. vs y.a.m. ?

hingle nothing exciting, baking and knitting - hence the yarn (wool) bit, two of my favourite things!

She's happy for me to take her to dinner on 20th. I am so excited at the thought of seeing her

@biscuitburglar thank you for your kind words - just have to keep going don't we, us mums, giving the support as required, even if it's virtual now!

Hope you are doing okay OYBBK - it does feel so strange not having DC around

Exciting Roses we're going down on 21st and 22nd - can't wait.

I read you as bake and yam bakeandyarn so I had images of Caribbean cooking So glad you are not tearful now ! Ahh. And great your DS has settled.

My DD has sorted dance troupe timetable - they are happy for her to go once a week and the second day when she can - win ! win!

Update: My DD got a telling off on a group email from her DoS. She has never been told off in her life! She took 2 friends along to subject drinks - not quite realising it was exclusive - which really she should have done! Anyway, she sent profuse apologies and hopefully it is sorted. Poor lass! She would so never mean to be rude!

Your poor DD. So upsetting when you do something wrong by mistake.

If the Director of Studies knew who brought the gatecrashers, then it was a dick move to call them out publicly for it when a private email would have sufficed. If it was a generic 'just to remind people that subject events are for Geology students only, no Historians please, they are slugs' then that's fair enough and all you can do is laugh it off!

Thanks Voilets. Your poor lass :(

No Hingle it was quite a dressing down! Oh well! I think he felt the two friends were gatecrashing and were slightly rude at event - One walked off (when asked about specified subject by a professor) feeling embarrassed apparently! Has mortified my daughter who has social skills in spades! All a learning curve. [smile

through it!

Oh Voilets your poor DD, it's horrible to be told off anyway but especially if she didn't realise she was doing anything wrong.

My DD has been in trouble too - there have been a series of fire drills/alarm tests over the week (I think all colleges have been doing similar?) and the students were issued with a schedule of timings and told for drills they had to evacuate, but for sound tests they didn't.
Anyway DD got them mixed up and didn't evacuate for one of the early morning drills (and so didn't register at her assigned assembly point) and has today received a strongly worded email from the accommodation manager.
Like your DD, she's never been told off in her life and is now worried they'll have her pegged as a disobedient rule breaker!

Ah well, possibly due to poor parenting, mine have been told off regularly by teachersand me

Oh violets and lobster, your poor dds, mine would be on the first train home !
I still remember with shame, getting a letter from my dos when I committed the massive sin of taking my mother into formal hall before all the professors had gone in. She was agrophobic and getting really antsy in the reception area and I was really stressed about getting her into the hall and out of the way.
Genuinely still feel mortified now !

My dd is struggling a little in finding that the people she has buddied up with in the first few weeks, aren’t really the friends she wants to have, for various reasons. One is her lab partner and she is being a bit unkind to her, so that’s a bit tricky for her.
I wish we could fast forward a few months and have them all settled and happy !

Ooh lobster, dare I say, I'm so glad you shared your story. It feels better to know maybe lots of them get told off to start with while oxbridge/ any uni set their standards. Just tough for our DDs but all part of growing up.

Been there nearlyold, my DD has taken to going to dinner every night and meets new people everyday as most want to widen their circle. Nervous to do it to start with but now really enjoys it. Feeling a bit more confident as a result. Tried to get my DS to do this a few years ago and he was having none of it. He took longer to make a wider circle.
to all. X

Roses- my DS love him was told off constantly!!

Hesmylobster - my DC got into exactly the same trouble! At least they weren't alone 😂

Can I ask a question I ought to know the answer to? When is matriculation?

DS is awful at responding to texts and is unlikely to be in contact till tomorrow. Is it today???

It is today - luckily DD's boyfriend is visiting her this weekend so I even have photographic evidence! (No way would she have sent any!)

voilets you make a really good point about going to dinner and meeting people even if it's a bit nerve wracking for the first week or two.
Communal dining is a great way to chat to people. Even if it's just "my name's XX, what are you reading", small talk. Next time you see that person you can say Hi and you're away ...
Also, I found that plans for the evening or the next were often made at dinner and you might get included just by being there.
Dinner (or indeed other meals) in hall is a real feature of Oxford college community life. The food is often decent and cheap too! I would encourage all freshers to participate.