Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

Glad to hear most are settling in ok - Purple I hope your DD gets to know the folk she is sharing a gyp with soon.

Spoke to DS again this afternoon (second call). He had been to church this morning, (usual) andhas been to what passes for nightclubs in Cambridge twice this week (completely out of character!). He'd been into the department yesterday afternoon to get on with some group work, and seems pretty happy. His staircase is almost all freshers, and they seem to be moving in a bit of a pack. He went on an Aldi run a couple of days ago, and bought more for other people than he did for himself.

We have just booked a few days away next week, just the 2 of us. I had said I needed something to look forward to, but actually, I am coping better than I anticipated. DD is happy she has one of our students (goes to our church, we are part of the student team) moving in for a few days to keep her company. Our student is more of a big sister to DD, so everyone is happy!

Am visiting w/e 20/21. She does want something but her suggestion. 11 sleeps xx

Aside from an urgent request for more undies (no time to do any laundry), I haven't heard from DD this week. With a busy timetable (a science subject), dance classes and choir rehearsals, I am not sure that she will ever find time to do any laundry!
Planning on visiting at half term with younger sibling (who is desperate to see her room in college).

After DD's 24 hours at home, she returned to Oxford determined to give it her best shot. The first tutorial was ok, tough but ok, three lectures yesterday, pizza with her subject, another essay researched and then a first meeting the Rock Society at which TWO freshers turned up! All the rest were 2nd & 3rd year's which dd said was ok. Then this morning she was summoned to the doctor that she had registered with (as instructed) to be told she was underweight for her height and so was interrogated about that. She's never has any eating issues she just happens to be 5ft 8 and a size 6 🙄
The whole dinner/ tea thing is confusing to some of her new (southern) friends, she is the only fresher on her staircase and the only one from a state comprehensive school / college in her English college group. She says lots of the London crowd have a 6 degrees of separation thing going on where they all know someone who knows someone.
Oxford is a very steep learning curve for a northern lass.

Lucycat, I remember getting very confused with the tea/dinner thing when I went to a northern university many moons ago!

When my DD registered with the GP practice in Oxford, she ended up having another MenACWY vaccination despite her insisting that she had already had it at home. They told her they were adopting a "belt and braces" approach just be sure. I was reassured by their thoroughness but my DD was quite indignant!

Steep learning curve for southern lad too!!

Lucy DH did this nearly 40 years ago and brazened it out. That is why his DC are part of that London crowd. Adapt and blend.

Oh she is 'brazening it out' and she is doing her very best to 'adapt and blend'

Never mind, she'll probably be ok eventually

My DD called today saying she was sad again as she felt lonely. Eventhough, she is meeting people, loss of core group of friends feels empty.

Sh ehas dilemma she has gained place in a dance troupe but training 2 times week clashes with formals and she's not sure she can commit. Causing her a bit of worry.

But good news - I think I can share on here that her first supervision went well with "good start" and not enough criticism apparently for her to know what to do next. Very softly spoken gentleman. I said you can't be pleased - that's brill. And for my sensitive DD, a tutor who is not a tough love merchant will be ideal to start her off! She was expecting a complete trashing !! Just scary I suppose facing the learning system.

Otherwise, it has been very up and down. DD can easily feel a bit intimidated but on the whole I think she is doing well.
and good wishes to all. My heart sinks when she is sad

Violets Well done to your DD for gaining a place in the dance troupe. My DD also has a dance troupe place. She was pleased to be offered the place but the training sessions clash with her formals too.

Lucy your DD must be true to herself - people worth knowing will appreciate her. It may help her to know that there are plenty of southern kids who also call dinner tea and find Oxford quite strange.

Voilets - a good academic start is very good news. Emotions are bound to go up and down I suppose.

Thinking of you and yout DD Lucy. Please, not too much blending and adapting!! North, South, East, West - who cares? They are all trying to find their way in this strange new world.

It's difficult when they are having a down time and we can't give them a hug.

How are you doing OYBBK?

My DD also has a place in a dance troupe! Are they all at Oxford? How lovely if it's the same one! She is worrying about the commitment level too though - she loves dance, but she only really wanted a recreational class and isn't sure she can manage 2/3 rehearsals per week + more close to comps. She wants to try some drama too and has also joined a couple of other societies and was excited to try new things - she didn't expect to get a place on the competition squad at all.
So she has a tough decision to make.

Other than that though she's having a blast so far. Working hard but loving her daily language class, and (after a slightly overwhelmed couple of days not knowing quite where to start!) handed in her first essay today - fingers crossed for tomorrow's tutorial when it hopefully won't get torn to shreds!

She's getting plenty of sleep now too after a week of being out every night last week so she's feeling healthier generally.

She says being from the midlands is a bit strange - the southerners think she's northern and the northerners think she's southern!

Full of cold :)

I'm very flat, but hanging in there.

I should get my mum to read this thread! She thought I was a wretched son for not calling her every week (albeit she was living in Istanbul) but clearly I was an exceptional son for not increasing her heartache with my struggles.

It’s dreadfully tough. It seems trite to say, but it will build resilience. The world of work will hold fewer fears after this.

DS said that he thought that Northerners were more of a minority than Chinese!! I laughed but maybe he was right 🤔

Sorry to hear that OYBBK,. Maybe it is sympathetic fresher's flu.
Pleased to hear about your DD Lobster.
Would tell you about my DS if I knew anyrhing. ]hmm]

Violets it’s really hard isn’t it when they’re not happy and you’re not there to have a good look at them and talk it through. My DD is very up and down this week too. I think the adrenaline has dissipated and left things feeling a bit flat, very hard work and although it seems they’ve been gone a long time already, the end of term is nowhere in sight. DD is texting me a lot when she’s got time for a bit of extra company and some reassurance. It’s hard on the bad days

DD's staircase is v international. About four home students I think.

She seems to be doing exceptionally well but I'm waiting for the crash. Bear in mind we've done: chronic underlying disease' anxiety, depression, eating disorder', year out for therapy in the last 4 years with a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD variant thrown in.

She's seen the nurse once with a follow up next week. Nurse can hold meds releasing a cpl of weeks at a time. Helpful when a dc has sh by overdosing - although I think she's recovered beyond that.

In the circs she's doing brilliantly but I am v aware that she masks with aplomb.

I do know how hard it is. Keeping self in check. Actually Lucy and Hubble if she had to cope with the northern stuff as well I think she'd implode so many apols for the lack of empathy earlier. Have given self talking to.

Her set mate is from oop north though and dd thinks she's ace. I suspect set mate thinks dd is an overprivileged southerner, with too many contacts and cusses inwardly.

Roses sounds like your DD is doing really well. Know what it is like to have MH issues myself and how anxious you must be.

Biscuitburglar

My DS is 'trying to find' his matriculation trousers - last seen after night of formal. Just know they are in a heap at bottom of wardfobe or stuffed in laundry bag!