Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

I think dd has come through the other side.

I hope those feeling the half term burn get through unscathed
Glad to hear your DD is out the other side Kitten.
DD handed in her final essay of the term today!
The next 3-4 weeks will be spent focusing on the language part of the course, which while far from easy, is a great deal less demanding and time consuming than the endless essays have been. She thinks she'll be working for about 4 hours per day rather than the 10-12 hours per day of the past 5 weeks.
She and her course mates are going out tonight to celebrate.
Then next week DD2 and I are taking her away for 2 whole days!

That will be much better Lobster. Hurrah for your dd surviving it!

DS is pretty exhausted, 7 essays down and 4 to go. That means a 2 essay week is coming up (aka “hump week”). We’re going for a quick visit at the weekend so we can deliver a food parcel to see him through the tough bit. They all seem to be coping better this term which is great news. DD has just received interview confirmation for DS’s old sixth form, so she is really excited and the whole A level thing is about to start all over again!

DD isn't great. Set mate is overstepping boundaries and partying into the early hours. Upsetting dd greatly. She is a quiet soul. Also bringing home a different lad every other night and being v noisy.

Dd is a sensitive, quiet soul and not coping with noise and invasion of boundaries.

She started counselling today and has contacted student services (thank god) to ask about alternative accommodation.

V fraught. Lots of texts calls in the middle of the night. She went and did her laundry ladt night at 3.30am to avoide the noise and invasion of 6 sporty types partying.

Oh dear.

That sounds miserable Roses. Your poor lass :( I can empathise. I hope student services can help. Can she come home for a couple of nights sleep?

Went up last w/e (must have missed you) and she had a night with me at hotel and it was lovely. Can see it happeningblast min this w/e.

Oh no Roses, that’s really difficult and selfish of set mate. I really hope student services step in and get it sorted. Not fair at all.

Tempted to send her an old "atrocious cunt" badge. Have you got one oybk?

I don't Roses, sounds ideal!
I reckon your dd and mine sound quite similar. It's hard for the quiet ones to meet each other.

Oh rubbish Roses. That is just not fair. Can she appeal to pastoral tutor or similar? Hope student services can help. A different bloke every other night does not sound conducive to good rest for her ( or her set mate!). DS is on his own, but has staircase mates sharing a set next door. Thankfully they seem to get on like a house on fire. Really hope she can get something sorted.

DS was a bit worried he was breaking the rules, having his sister up for 2 nights at the end of her half term, then a friend for the night < a week later.

I'm surprised the college isn't being more helpful. I gather that at DD's, students who disturb others too much at night may be 'portered' (ie reported to the porters who come and tell them to shut up), and if that fails then the ultimate sanction is to be 'deaned' ... being reported to the Dean is apparently serious trouble.

I'm sure the college will deal with it now they know. DD only asked for help yesterday. First through the counsellor, then through an email to student services and I hope through a tutorial drop in tomorrow.

Arranging a swap with another person independently of the authorities can often be the way to go. Perhaps the girl in question would like the idea of sharing with a particular friend and your DD could then take up that friend's room - which might be single.

(My eldest did this. A friend moved in and the original set partner moved to the friend's single room. The situation wasn't as extreme by any means but the girl chose to work in the shared space rather than the library and DD wanted to be able to have people around. It was all sorted amicably and the bursar only needed to rubber stamp the agreement).

Another message of support here OhTheRoses.

This sort of thing makes me so cross - as if they haven't enough to deal with. Sleep deprivation + stress from anticipating further sleep deprivation is something I'm sure the college will take seriously. Do keep us posted & to you both.

DD has a v loud-voiced neighbour on her staircase (I've heard him, fog-horn volume) - however he's lovely (her words) and when she goes across at midnight to tell him to pipe down, he does so with good grace. She realises she's got off quite lightly!

dds neighbours are generally pretty quiet, except for one who likes to cook breakfast noisily at 5am before going off rowing.
He was not popular for setting off the fire alarm.

I do remember ending up with sleeping tablets, earplugs and a pillow over my head out of desperation when I was a student. It's so hard when some are into partying and some are not.

Ah, right - sounds like she's been way too patient, roses. In general, my perception is that there's likely to be better management of such issues in colleges than halls elsewhere so hopefully something will be sorted out. (Chances are someone has intermitted by now for whatever reason, freeing up a room). There does seem to be an understanding that actually a lot of people are there to work, and hard, not just play! But room for play too - Cambridge as a whole schedules the big picnic on Jesus Green before the main exam period, and then 'May week' moved to after it, for instance.

Poor lass roses!
I imagine her college will step in pretty quickly now she's alerted them. Let us know. Hugs for your DD. My DD stayed in hotel with us last term for feeling stressed and lonely. Gave her a good break.

My DD has just guiltily bought a jesus ball ticket with me spurring her on 'once in a lifetime'! Sooo expensive though. She's helping out at another so it seemed extravagant but all her friends are going! She'd better enjoy it!!

It's pretty tough so thank you for all good wishes. DD can be quite stubborn and veers from feeling that she shouldn't have to be the one who moves when she isn't being anti-social.

Not sure why the other girl can't take her rowdy chums to the JCR tbh. Just think she's from a loud rumbustious family and dd isn't.

Ball tickets are outrageously priced! I nearly fainted when dd told me the price. It's not her sort of thing though, so I don't think she will go this year. Maybe in her final year.

They probably can't drink as they'd like to in the JCR Roses? I know it seems jolly unfair though.

Yes, ball tickets are really expensive, but absolutely worth it from memory, if you will enjoy that sort of thing. I went to his Cambridge college Ball with DH when we were freshers (yes we were dating then!). I remember it with such fondness - fairy lights all over the gardens, ring doughnuts suspended on ribbons from trees, lots of included treat food and wine (I think). Lots of entertainment, including some semi famous people (Jim Tavare anyone?). It was magical. We saved and saved to be able to go. We only paid to go once, but DH worked another, half the night for free entry.

DS has bought a ticket with a huge bunch of his mates, and they have applied to work another one (6 hours on, 6 hours off).

I am sitting here smiling at the memory now...and wishing we were going down again tomorrow like we did last weekend!

Ahhh panda

Roses sorry to hear about your poor DD, what a horrible situation. I hope it gets sorted quickly for her.
DD went to one ball last term which she paid for (it was the RAG ball though so not as eye watering as some of the college ones)
Her college is having a ball next term and her lovely grandparents have offered to buy her ticket as a birthday gift, on the condition that she sends them plenty of photos.

It sounds amazing!