One week on and I can't stop crying since Ds left for Uni.

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I'm gobsmacked and frankly embarrased with how awful I feel.
Since last Saturday I've lost half a stone through lack of appetite, cried everyday while managing to get myself in a stress induced insomniac state.
DS on the other hand, is having the time of his life and can barely be bothered to text.
I really want to treat this as a new chapter in my life, however I have fibromyalgia which means life is about pacing, being careful and not "chucking yourself out there too much."
I feel frustrated, isolated but obviously happy for ds - I just failed to realise that Empty Nest Syndrome is a genuine condition lol.

But I don’t mean to dismiss how you feel bubbles; I suppose you are probably not the best person to offer advice about this,perhaps; if you haven’t felt the loss so keenly. Maybe someone who has could offer some sympathy or advice.

God I sounded stroppy; sorry bubbles, blame the menopause! I see you were trying to get me to think positively, it is what we want for them after all🙂.

we are all proud of our kids at uni, moving out etc etc, we're all bursting with pride and know we can give ourselves a wee pat on the back on a job well done......doesn't stop us missing them and feeling a bit bereft at them being gone though.....

it's like the breast V bottle feeding debate all over again, its a case of one size doesn't fit all, but we can talk to like minded mums here and feel a bit of much needed comfort and solidarity, whilst supporting our kids and not letting them know how much their absence affects us

i used to think it was the menopause that was the last taboo, the thikng no one talked about, no one expected, but now I believe its when our kids move out, it just feels monumental and huge and we have to hide how bloody awful it is

Oh ssd I agree about the hiding it. My builders asked me how the drop off was when they came back yesterday; I said it was fine, but I had been a bit teary in the second week; which completely down played how I actually had been feeling; and they both looked embarrassed that I had dared to mention tears! Kind of them to mention it though.

I do sympathise but maybe the builders were surprised because perhaps the mum’s they know are not crying about this and are actually not hiding their feelings from anyone. You cannot really make assumptions about this. Crying for weeks (or a week) afterwards is not a healthy position to find yourself in. I have many friends with children older and younger than mine who have been a bit sad but picked themselves up very quickly. My own Mum was not upset like that when my sister left for university even though our Dad had died just before her O level exams. She was going to be rattling around completely on her own. However hobbies, friends and keeping busy kept the sadness to a minimum.

I think it’s quite normal to feel down, a bit lost and even shed a tear or two but crying for weeks indicates a bigger problem to me. Also you don’t always have to have experienced something yourself to offer advice. If that was the case the counselling industry would grind to a halt.

I think there's a huge difference between crying for weeks and feeling understandably sad and bereft when your kids go to uni, I'm not sure many of us on this thread have been crying for weeks??

Its the momentousness of it all that floors us a bit, before they go we are helping them get organised, getting prepared and I for one didnt really think about them actually being gone...then when they go and you come home its a bit of a shock how bloody bereft you feel and like I said, you hide it and chat away like its all great as you are proud of them etc etc, but boy it takes some amount of getting used to and you know things will never be the same

It's just such a massive change, but now it's been over a week, and everything is settling down. I don't know about all of you, but I found the days leading up to the dreaded "drop off" far worse than the day itself. Helping DS pack up his clothes and bits, the last dinner, night, family and friends visits to say goodbye and good luck, I found so upsetting. The whole situation played on my exaggerated fears that he was leaving forever, was never going to cope without me, and would never be seen again! None of these are true, as DS told me before he left, again on the day, and every day since "I'm fine Mum" and he's right, he is fine, and so will we all be. Just need to resist the constant urge to text them every hour now!😉

The op said she’s cried for a week. I cannot see that the crying has stopped. Maybe it has.

Clearly there is a heightened feeling of loss but at Teddy says, you listen to your rational DCs and yourself in the end. Nothing is the “last” of anything! A few texts every other day doesn't hurt and then a bit less as time goes by. They really will contact you if you are needed. It is a temporary separation. Get busy planning the reunion!

I understand your advice about thinking positively, I think I said that in a previous post; and I get you don’t have to have gone through something to offer advice. Although some of that advice has been helpful, I think you deliver it in a manner that is a bit to brusk to be considerate. I don’t understand why you would not accept that lots of mothers feel bereft for a while. I just feel you’ve moved from offering advice to berating my experience; this isn’t helpful to me. It’s upsetting.

And it has only been a week of crying; I think perhaps you are just made of sterner stuff than me; I suppose we are all different; and you probably make friends with people that are less sensitive than me too. But that’s ok; we would probably just avoid each other in real life.

She’s over 400 miles away though, and I have got plenty to do, always have had, but it’s hard when a term is15 weeks, and you have no plans to see them before then.

I am getting on with things though.

Sorry again bubbles; I think I just have to get used to straight talking; when I re read your comments; I could see that you were concerned that someone would be crying for weeks; I think I’m just overly sensitive lately; hormones all over the place!, if I follow my mum in just over a year I’ll no longer be ovulating!! Didn’t know this would happen in my forties!!
I’m so excited that my daughter is loving her course and has found her place; I never went all the way through uni and even though her dad has a degree, he didn’t go away either; so it’s just a strange mix of I am so thrilled dd has found this amazing city!, and it’s her favourite place ever!, and just sadness of missing her.
We live in quite a rural place, where not a lot happens, so I think my daughter going to uni has awakened in me a feeling of being a bit frustrated perhaps, maybe that’s not a bad thing. I think it’s all made me feel a bit restless.

I know that this is an old thread but I was just wondering how everybody is getting on. Hopefully things became easier and all of your kids have had a wonderful time at uni – apart from Covid of course