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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

We've survived the first half term - go us! (starting uni 2017)

928 replies

flyingpigsinclover · 26/10/2017 17:29

New thread....we've got to the first half term!

OP posts:
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LittleHo · 04/11/2017 08:59

dd still very ill. Can't get to a chemist so ordered medicine to be delivered. It is really hard being ill when you are away from home.

hellsbells99 · 04/11/2017 09:23

Sorry to hear your DD is unwell LitteHo. Are her housemates keeping an eye on her? Has she got soup/food in to eat? Hope she feels better soon.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 04/11/2017 09:28

Aw, LittleHo, hope she's better soon x

DD seems to have chosen a great weekend to come home as a couple of her friends are back too.
It was so lovely to pick her up at the station and play some games with DS all together last night - we played a board game type thing based on the TV show "the cube"
Think it's going to be quite busy fitting in seeing these friends too!

simbobs · 04/11/2017 10:45

Another sympathy vote here, LittleHo. Is there any way that you can get up to visit? It is hard being ill away from home and flatmates are not always great care givers, especially if you are holed up in your room. They may not realise how poorly your dd is.

HSMMaCM · 04/11/2017 12:21

Visiting DD today. Apparently she's standing outside because a fire alarm went off. They'd better be back in by the time we arrive. I need a cuppa.

Timetogetup0630 · 04/11/2017 13:22

BigTillyMint cocaine still the designer drug then ? I am sorry that well educated, well salaried people have to resort to drugs to get a thrill, when the world is seemingly their oyster and they could do whatever they want.

Ketamine and Ecstacy prevalent in my DCs Grammar School.
Angry

flyingpigsinclover · 04/11/2017 13:25

DD was saying that she's noticed weed being smoked, that said it was in a bar holding a reggae evening so maybe it's not all that surprising.

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 04/11/2017 14:23

I don't thing DD really minds what others do or take as long as it does not affect her. Weed, smoked by lots of people, at a crowded pre-drinks, in a shared flat is rude. The smell gets everywhere, which is why DD's fellow medic is worried that it might linger on her clothes. Others can't complain without snitching.

My understanding is that the University drug of choice is ketamine. No idea what it was at school, as both DC seemed to have avoided hanging out with a druggy crowd. And indeed DS does not seem to have come across much, if any, in London even in his first year in halls. Hopefully people will become more discrete.

BehindTheBlueDoor · 04/11/2017 16:07

Hope your DD is better soon LittleHo
I hope she does have friends looking after her. DS has friends doing that course and they’re great kids so I hope they might be rallying round.

Haffdonga · 04/11/2017 17:12

I remember being horrified by the story of one poster's dd (on an equivalent starting uni thread 2 years ago). On her very first night in her shared flat, one of her flatmates produced some ketamine and every single flatmate joined in and took some except for the poster's dd and one other Islamic student. Can you imagine the peer pressure to bond with your new flatmates?

I knew drugs were prevalent but ketamine ffs. Horse tranquilliser. How can that be fun?

I may have gone on about the dangers just a bit too much to my ds and he now affectionately calls his own uni flat the Ket Den, just to wind me up. Angry

ono40 · 04/11/2017 17:16

DS says that from what he's seen online from friends at Oxbridge, it is very druggy there (maybe they have more money than sense).

Do tell your DCs to warn friends away from ketamine. It has a little known but devastating side effect of k-bladder which can result in the need to remove the bladder entirely.

simbobs · 04/11/2017 17:59

From what my dc have told me ketamine is fairly prevalent at the high school that ds still attends. They tend to look down on drugs and I really can't imagine either of mine willingly joining in, but accidental consumption does worry me.

bigTillyMint · 04/11/2017 18:21

Yep, MDMA and Ket are v popular with teens now. Nitrous Oxide with the younger ones and weed is ubiquitous.

Haffdonga · 04/11/2017 18:25

DS has said that most of his flatmates are drug consumers to varying degrees (some way more than others. He wouldn't tell us which ). He's a medic and also rather obsessively healthy about what he consumes, so I believe wise enough not to get involved. But I always wonder how so many parents (myself included) post here saying my dc doesn't take drugs but he/she knows lots of people who do,

Presumably statistically, some of us posting secure in the knowledge that our dc is a sensible one who doesn't, are actually the parents of one of the many who do.

HSMMaCM · 04/11/2017 19:04

I just HOPE my DD is not doing drugs. She says she isn't.

LittleHo · 04/11/2017 19:07

The drug thing is horrifying. Lets hope they are all sensible. I know dd is really anti drugs.

Thanks for your lovely messages. She has a really bad cold / cough that has taken hold because she is tired. I'm telling her to keep an eye on it as she has asthma too so it could get worse. I can't get down there as I'm away at the moment - very bad timing!

Thankfully she has made a close group of friends and is in a quiet flat. I feel very sorry for the dc who have to suffer from twats making noise and horrible messes.

Horsemad · 04/11/2017 20:27

Haven't asked DS about drug use in his halls, he is anti drugs and very sporty but who knows what the hell goes on when they are so far away. Sad

It saddens me to think of all these people getting sucked into it. I have a cousin who is a recovering drug addict (my kids don't know about them) and I know how devastating it was for their parents. Sad

Such a clever person; life just thrown away, amazing opportunities wasted.

QOD · 05/11/2017 07:26

@hafgdonga I hear you. Dd doesn’t drink or smoke and is quite precious about what she eats and drinks so I THINK she’s safe. She doesn’t even drink fizzy drinks. Never actually had, no coke no nothin
When she goes out she drinks water OR under pressure will buy a woo woo which she sips
However, please still warn your ds that a boy got rohypnoled at her uni club 3 weeks ago. Drunk and collapsed. A and e ran blood tests as his friends said he’d only had 5 or 6 drinks and normally fine. Hopefully ‘only’ a mugging type target

One of my American friends was telling me her son doesn’t drink, will have one but she absolutely knows 100% he doesn’t ever ever and won’t drink to excess.

She’s just had to pay $150 to an Uber driver who’s car her ds puked in ... drunk.
Peer pressure? It’s so scary

Needmoresleep · 05/11/2017 08:30

Hafdonga, I don't think DD would have mentioned the problems (which came up in passing at the point when she was seriously sleep deprived and struggling) if she were partaking. Which does not mean she won't in the future, and I assume now things are easier I will get less detail of her life anyway.

I think she was quite shocked, but that may be because in a city centre school they split themselves off into tribes quite early. There were some, "the safe set", who went to clubs and parties, whilst the others tended to gather in each other's houses to watch films or play computer games, or have picnics in parks. Drugs were around, but more heard about than seen.

University has meant that they are thrown rather randomly together, so what seems like normal behaviour to some, is shocking, or annoying, to others. Presumably for second year they will separate out influenced by lifestyle. Already DD is finding that she cant join the full post-match social life because she has an early start next day.

The date rape drug stuff is shocking. Even Parliament! DD is aware of an incident at her University which apparently resulted in (at least) an expulsion. A friend who has several daughters, was able to list six incidents involving people her daughters knew, both in London and at different Universities. Her savvy sixth former and friends are very alert to this and guard their drinks carefully.

toffeepumpkins · 05/11/2017 11:44

Dd says she doesn't really talk to people who are the sort to take drugs, she has her close circle of friends and they socialise in their flats. As for ketamine, she's spent her entire life around horses and knows just how evil the stuff is and thinks it's particularly stupid to abuse it.

Yy to there being students who we think wouldn't take it but they do, we don't really know do we.

goodbyestranger · 05/11/2017 11:54

There are drugs all over the place. I know very well my DC will be in places at uni where drugs are rife and my policy has always been not to ask, on the basis that they almost certainly wouldn't tell me if they'd tried anything so what's the point. I've never asked and never been told although I'm aware there are lots of opportunities for those inclined. I'd expect a great many DC to experiment though. I'm not convinced it was that different when I was at uni. I'm also not sure that getting in a parental froth will prevent DC trying things out if they feel like it. I think one just has to hope that the warnings about drugs which are everywhere kick in before a habit is formed and that any drug taking that happens remains experimental, or temporary at the very least.

Needmoresleep · 05/11/2017 12:32

"Parental froth" is a bit unkind.

Going to University is a big transition in all sorts of ways. I don't ask either, but if I am told something, I assume it is because DC need to process by telling someone.

I think it was the ketamine that shocked DD. Not because she felt threatened or obliged to join in, but as much because she is trying to work out why someone would go to University, when they seem more interested in almost nightly clubbing to the early hours, or taking very dodgy substances. She did not expect, having grown up in Central London, to feel she had had a sheltered upbringing.

And I think the concern is not about what might go on in clubs etc, but when anti-social behaviour (regular late night noise, fumes etc) is taking place in shared accommodation. Other annoyances, like stealing food, not doing washing up, etc are inevitable, but I think it is reasonable for a DC to discuss what might be acceptable boundaries to try and impose.

Do Oxford have many shared flats for first years? I thought they were usually in Halls.

HSMMaCM · 05/11/2017 12:47

I'm fairly certain DD won't try drugs, because she had her drink spiked at Reading Festival a couple of years ago and was seriously ill.

toffeepumpkins · 05/11/2017 12:49

I'm fairly sure that DD won't but she knows that if she does then she can count on me for support with any problems that result. We can't do anything more now.

As for parental froth Biscuit

Haffdonga · 05/11/2017 12:57

I don't think anyone's frothing here. Confused Most people seem to be saying drug use is obviously extremely widespread in all unis and that this is an inevitable but depressing aspect of student life that our dcs will be navigating their ways through and there isn't anything we can do about it.

In my experience it has much got worse since I was at the same uni as my ds1 30 years a long time ago. Then of course weed was widely smoked and I encountered magic mushrooms and the odd speed user very occasionally. I never saw Class As.

Now there is widespread use of ketamine, cocaine (including while ds was still at school in his mainstream comp), much stronger skunk type cannabis, MDMA, the list goes on... So not only is drug use more 'mainstream' but the drugs themselves are much more potent and potentially dangerous. Sad