Starting lectures at uni 2017

[HSMMaCM]

The other thread filled up really quickly, with exciting talk of laundry, mattress toppers and lost property.

Here's where the rest of them settle in, get through freshers and the work gets serious.

A third of students at 'his' conservatoire come from fee paying schools. Half the students at one of the others come drom fee- paying schools. Half!

DS went to a fee paying school and if a pupil had the level of talent needed to get into one of those conservatoires they would have been on a hefty scholarship and a means tested bursary if applicable.

Don't tell DD there might be a laundry service! She's home this weekend. We've done 3 loads of washing and barely seen her .

On the coach to visit DD (coach ws her idea as so much cheaper!) surrounded by hungover students by the looks of it

Several of the boys in DSs footy team are on full sports scholarships and bursaries at prestigious private schools as they want good footballers to mske the school look good at sport. They all seem to be making the most of the opportunity and work hard. DS is a bit green-eyed at the amount of sport they get to do compared with his comp...

Blossom, that's a pretty good deal considering it costs about a fiver in DS's halls.

Ds is in halls and hasn't really made any friends yet. I think he's panicking a bit. He's joined a few societies but in spite of having stalls at the freshers' fair they don't seem to have any meetings.

He says that people seem to have got into groups for dinner etc and now he can't go and sit with them. Oh no, he's such a chip off the old block

Has he made any friends from his course Lady?

It's still early days but I know I'd feel the same if it were me.

There's no such thing as a full scholarship for a conservatoire place as far as I know. DS' scholarship, the maximum available from his department was £2,000. Occasionally students have their fees paid for them instead of a scholarship. Many students at conservatoires resort to crowdfunding. It's one of the methods of financing themselves suggested by the conservatoire itself. I know someone at another cons in London who got a £4,000 scholarship. If parents aren't well off that still leaves a gap between maximum loan and living expenses. The maximum scottish living costs loan is around £6,000. Some of the halls of residence in London cost £10,000. Ds' hall is £7,000. He could have gone to the scottish conservatoire on a scholarship of £3,000, lived at home and had his fees paid by the scottish government, but the scottish music scene is tiny. The scottish students tend to do masters degrees in london and find they don't have long enough time to establish themselves to get enough work to live on. The hope for DS is that he will already be doing a significant amount of work by the time he finishes his degree.
It was a tough decision.

LadyinCement that's so difficult for him and for you to hear. This is the advice mine give to people struggling: the social bar is incredibly low in the first few weeks and it's completely acceptable to join a group at meals without already being part of it. It's just the pain barrier thing you have to deal with, not a social one. Also, take the initiative to add people on facebook rather than waiting for them to add you. Again, on the basis that the bar is uniquely low early on but messages go via fb rather than word of mouth. And talk to people in lectures don't just sit and take notes. What subject is he doing? Is it low contact or not? Very sorry to hear he's finding it tough but lots and lots and lots do - they only admit it later on, that they'd never want to redo freshers' again. Hang on in there, take a deep breath and bother people!

Very low contact subject.

He says that the people on his corridor are very quiet and don't socialise. There is a fairly large hooray contingent but they are a closed group. He is searching for chatty companions who like a pint... not party people or binge drinkers.

Goodbyestranger, I remember you were kind when ds got in second time around - that was a couple of MN name changes ago!

LadyinCement that's tough - on you and him. Am I right in thinking he's at Southampton where my DS is? Mine is also shy and finds it really hard to break into what look like established groups. He has made one good mate in his flat but the others keep very much to themselves so that hasn't proved an easy way to make a group of friends as he had hoped.

Which societies has he joined? DS joined quite a few and some don't seem to do anything, but he is very keen on photography and joined the photography society, and today a group of 25 (none of whom he knows) have gone on a photography trip to the New Forest. I'm really hoping he'll meet some like-minded people on that.

Could he join a society where you have to learn stuff and get chatting to people that way? The Student TV Soc which DS joined seems to hold regular sessions where they teach people to use cameras etc. I wish DS could have joined the CU as they are usually very friendly and welcoming groups with lots going on, but unfortunately he's an atheist!

I agree about chatting to people while waiting for lectures to start because you know you will have a subject in common. But it is really tough to start with, I know.

Oh Lady it can be so hard if you're not the gregarious type.

My DD is working on the principle that if she keeps on joining things some societies are going to be fun, and she'll chalk the ones that are a wash-out up to experience. She was at a loose end the other evening and saw a society she had a vague interest in was meeting. So she went along and joined, and she said she had a lovely time and met some very nice people. She's also getting to know and like people on her course. It just takes more time if you're not the party every night type.

I agree with goodbye about just chatting with people in the dinner queue or at the table. It doesn't have to be anything clever - the quality of the food and the state of the washing machines will do. Most people are happy to talk if someone plucks up the courage to make the first move.

Is anyone else wishing they could pass the advice they're now giving to their DC to their 18-year-old selves as well?!

Ds isn't at Southampton, but I was !

I hope your ds enjoys his photography day. Expect many leaf pictures! That sounds like a good society to join.

Ds is going on a behind-the-scenes tour of a museum today. I'm not sure that's going to be very sociable...

Thank you Lady. I can work out what he's doing and where he is now. The subject isn't the most helpful for human contact tbh. Another suggestion: is he even remotely sporty? If he is, then getting into any sport at college level is relatively easy. Worth doing even if he isn't a sports fanatic. The one very good thing about collegiate unis, you don't need to be a top athlete to get in whereas it's considerably harder at unis where there are only whole uni level teams. But definitely drum into him the thing about the bar being low to approaching people (even, possibly, a nest of hoorays).

I like the sound of the photography outing Morvah. Lovely autumnal day for it today.

Oh gosh, I sound like a stuck record telling ds "not to be me". I was dreadfully shy and remember poking my head in the door of the university newspaper. Everyone turned round and - so I thought - glared, so I crept out again and that was that.

Ds has two left feet, is clumsy, uncoordinated etc etc. He scheduled himself a lie down in his room on the sports trials afternoon ! Shame, really, as being sporty has many plus points. (guilty couch potato emoticon)

My ds is really clumsy and uncoordinated. Hated PE at school, and actively avoided most of it, but did enjoy a martial art over the past few years.
He's stunned me by joining the rugby club. He also does another club that requires physical training, meaning he's doing organised exercise for about 9 hours a week.

But he did add that he joined the rugby club as he thought they were 'desperate for members'

The museum tour sounds great though. Is he interested in politics at all? Some political groups can be quite sociable.

Lady I knew there was a Southampton connection! Fingers crossed for the museum tour. I think there could be plenty of opportunities to chat - and maybe they'll have lunch or coffee as well.

Lady, perhaps the museum might be looking for volunteers to help out which could be a way of meeting like-minded people. Our DS was really worried about making friends but seems to have found a few people he feels comfortable with.

He's just phoned and mentioned in passing that some of his flatmates are getting a takeaway tonight. They've asked him but he's catered so said he didn't want to "waste " money when there's already a meal paid for. Hopefully I've persuaded him that 1 missed meal doesn't matter if it gives him an opportunity to mix with others. When I was at college I missed out on too many opportunities. As was said earlier, if only I'd known at 18 what I know now.

Lady it’s so tough to hear, isn’t it? My DS was comparing himself unfavourably to others on the making friends front.

I’ve encouraged him to join lots of societies, be as open minded about them as possible. The ones that don’t seem, in theory, to be the best bet can have the member who you happen to click with. Maybe your DS will find the most social clubs by word of mouth? I’ve also told my DS that he’s always played a longer game making friends but made some great ones in the end.

DH and I were talking about this in a wider context. That the internet and all its attendant entertainment options is great but it means people can be too self sufficient iyswim. You can stay in your student room and watch downloads and listen to music on headphones, everyone watching different things. So no sitting in the tv room together in the common room, all restricted to 3/4 channels!! A friend tells me that at her uni halls they had kind of communal baths with barriers they could talk over to chat!!

I was worried about DS spending time on netflix instead of socialising and being too stingy sensible to waste money on joining in with takeaways etc too.

Would he be up for suggesting playing cards or Cards against humanity with a beer with his flatmates perhaps?

Posted too soon.

Or suggesting flatmates join him in going our for a run perhaps?

Or cooking a big batch of chilli and sharing with his flatmates another time, followed by cards and beer?

DD says that she doesn't really use the communal areas at all. She tends to watch Netflix, socialise with a couple of flatmates and a couple of others from the flat downstairs.

Some great ideas here for meeting people- hope some of them work for those quieter students.

Had a lovely day with DD - hard to say goodbye, but I am so proud of her and pleased to see that she is happy. She had some very tough times at secondary school a few years ago and its taken a long time for her to get back to her old self. So hope it lasts.