Starting lectures at uni 2017

[HSMMaCM]

The other thread filled up really quickly, with exciting talk of laundry, mattress toppers and lost property.

Here's where the rest of them settle in, get through freshers and the work gets serious.

Carl that all sounds great!

HSM

HSM - Was that a joke from your DD, or has she really got that hectic a social life?

humblesims - I hope a weekend home helps your DS's motivation. I know my DS commented recently that a subject that'd had around 60 students in each lecture at the start of the semester, only had around 20 attend the class first thing on Monday morning this week. It ended up with them just being shown a documentary so I assumed that the lecturer was probably just a bit hung over BUT then he had a midterm in that subject, today, and it turned out that stuff that they'd mentioned in the film was on the exam (stuff that was not in their textbook) and to make it worse, it was referenced in more than one question. That's got to have been a deliberate ploy to weed out the ones who were slacking off... Sneaky!

Lazy dog she has had assorted visits from friends and a house McDonald's night which have taken priority over us. We've told her we are quite happy with that, as I'd rather have her happily independent than sadly needing her parents.

Of course we'd like to visit more often, but we are forcing ourselves to be bright and breezy about her new life.

Re the test questions based on lectures - this is exactly what I warned DD about. I'm hoping she's going to all hers.

BTM it's a huge weight off my mind. My mum would have wrinkled out any tiny problems from DD. It's her super power .

DS I always knew would be fine. College environment with three squares a day. Plus he's super laid back. Other people's behaviour bothers him not one jot.

But DD is more sensitive and emotional. And of course she's not actually attending the same university as her hall mates , let alone their course. And she's having to fend for herself.

It would have been understandable if she'd found the whole thing a bit tough. But she seems to be taking it all in her stride.

DS hasnt replied to any messages for the last few days so not sure if he is coming back this weekend or not. Feeling a bit worried about him but trying not to fuss too much either. I know from his facebook that he's been online very late at night so I think he isnt getting up for morning lectures (he sleeps through alarms). I guess I cant really do much but hope he's OK or that he gets a bollocking as a (metaphorical) wake up call.

It does sound like they are all finding their feet now doesn't it? DS is coming home tomorrow night for a school friends birthday night out in town! I have to admit to being thrilled to see him again so soon but also nervous as hell of them going out in town as a young man was killed last weekend by a single knife wound straight to the heart! Who goes out with a knife...it's scary. But I'm not going to mention it I'm just going to stalk his snapchat and see where he is all night , until he's home

humblesims it sounds as though your ds may be depressed. Fuss as much as you can get away with until you are sure that he is ok. When they need help the most they are least able to ask for it, plus which they keep being told that they are adults now, but what does that actually mean? These youngsters have just flown the nest and not all of them are fully fledged if you see what I mean. This is a huge lifestyle chang, and a daunting one for both parties, I might add.

Saw my dd at the weekend and she seems to be coping well with her life, though still spends a large part of her time in her room. Not a party animal, and luckily is in a flat of mainly similar people, at least from that perspective.

sim I wax wondering about depression too.

It's relatively common in young men of this age and woefully unrecognised ( partly because so many of the symptoms are perfectly routine in teens).

Is there any way you could visit humble?

Catching up....

Ocies I hope you had a good weekend - the flowers were a nice touch :-)

Ming weekends are harder aren't they, especially Friday nights.

Byethesea What is raisin week?! Lovely that she's flying home.

Horse how are you getting on? I hope the op goes/went well.

QOD how is your DD now? One of DD's school friends has dropped out having decided that she's at the wrong university doing the wrong course. She's applying for next year and will be living at home and going to the local uni in the town she lives in.

Lady has your DS been excused from jury service? I was called 20 years ago and got excused. They said they'd call me again after 20 years, I've never been called (I'll get a letter now no doubt!)

Headless that must have felt strange. I've still got one at DD's old school so we're still very much in touch with school life.

Humble how is your DS now? My DD joined a few societies but has decided not to stay involved with any of them, I am worried that she's not socialising but she seems OK. She's coming home tomorrow so I will grill ask her about it then hopefully.

HSM I have to tell myself to take several steps back too. DD is going to look at houses for next year soon and I've been told in no uncertain terms that she is going to organise it herself. I am now imagining her living in a complete slum with no running water and a landlord with no scruples. That's really bad about the DSA, is it the university who have messed it up?

Carl that's lovely about your Mum and DS having weekly chats. I'm not sure how much DD has been chatting to grandparents, I suspect not much as they are missing her.

Liney how are you?

and if I've missed anything earth shattering, sorry!

I'm feeling a bit redundant as a mother tbh....my ds is at Uni 7 hrs away and I've not seen him since we dropped him off at very beginning of September and won't see him till Christmas hols- he's a bit remiss at messaging and I've only had about 3 phonecalls from him- but he's enjoying the course and made friends
, dd2 is on a placement year 3 hrs away so is working 9-5 mon- fri and difficult to get home for weekends
Dd 1is Teaching in China so only have brief WeChat messages from her, although seems to be loving it
I'm currently off work as have just been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease ( vasculitis) and now on high dose steroids and will possibly be starting low dose chemo in a fortnight ....I can't even get up before midday I'm so knackered and have such painful deep ulcers on my legs I stand for any length of time
I'm thankful that the dcs all seem to be settled and I have the opportunity to rest. I'm also so lucky that my husband is able to work from home and is cooking me nourishing meals.....however I'm feeling a bit down and missing all the 'banter'.....not missing the mess though and I'm actually finally getting a cleaner to help next week
Dh and I had so many plans now our dcs had fledged ( weekends away/ walks in the country/ meals out) but it's difficult to look ahead to when I'll be better....I'd wanted to visit dd in China next spring so trying to focus on being well enough for that.....

Had my op yesterday and was allowed home at 6pm.

DS1 is 'looking after'(!) me at the moment as DH has gone out.
I'm ok, just can't lift the kettle/do anything heavy, so I'm just resting. Actually fell asleep earlier - just fell asleep in the middle of chatting!!!

Hoping all the DC are ok. Humble, make a visit if you can; it will help both of you.

Thanks for the advices its really appreciated. The positive side is that he is only in the next city (Southampton) so it is easy to visit and for him to come home if he wants. My DH is planning to visit and have a good 'man talk' with him. My DH suffers with depression so he is best placed to talk with DS about that. He knows (DS) that he can always talk to us and in the past there have been times when he has talked to us about worries etc so I hope he will open up to DH if there is anything that he needs help with. You guys are so helpful. xx

Glad you're out now horsemad.

Just put Dd2 on the train to stay with dd1. All you can eat Yorkshire and tacos on the itinerary for her tonight!

stopyourhavering sorry to hear about your medical problems - seems like a few of us are in need of a bit of repair work. Glad to hear you're home ok, Horsemad, and hope you're recovering well.

I don't have a date for my op yet. DS says he'll come home for it, but I don't see how that is going to be feasible during term time. But otoh, I can't manage on my own.

You definitely won't be able to manage on your own Liney, do you have any friends who can pitch in to help?

Havering, sorry to hear that - sounds tough. And Liney - do you have any friends who coud stay for a bit?
Horse, good your op went OK.
Humble, that sounds like a good plan - its really hard supporting DC with MH problems, I know.

DD serms OK though still has a deeply flawed sleep pattern and has 2 essays for after reading week next week. She is staying put to work but has friends visiting I think

Lord, we're all falling apart here!'!!

I've got a horrible lump on the joint in my wrist ( where you'd wear a watch). I put it down to RSI (I use that hand incessantly to move my mouse when I'm editing). But I need to get it checked out. If it packs in or I need an op it will be a bloody disaster!

In other news DD just sent a text asking me to find her copy of People, Places & Things ( she wants to use a monologue from it at the RSC).

Me- Well I would DD but I'm in Salford.

DD - you didn't say you were going there.

Me - Well excuse me for not giving you my timetable.

DD - sigh. I think I remember it off by heart anyway. If not I'll make it up.

I do have a 'OH' but it's complicated as we don't live together, and his son who lives with him full-time has ASD. So from experience, I can't really plan anything for sure. God, that's a whole thread on its own ...

But we'll muddle through. Always have, somehow

Flying pigs I'm very impressed that you can keep up with all the people . The DSA thing is not the uni's fault. It's DSA's fault. The uni are helping out.

Good luck to anyone who has health issues for themselves or their families.

humblesins - dh had a "man talk" with ds at the weekend when they met up for a concert. We were worried about him - specifically the lack of social life - but I think I was coming across as panicking and I didn't want to keep txting him with, "Why don't you join XXX " every day.

Anyway, dh had a good chat with ds and said that the only thing that would disappoint us would be if he didn't speak up if he was at all unhappy. I know it was different times and all that, but both dh and I feel short-changed by the fact that if ever either of us expressed any unhappiness about something to our parents, the reply was always, "You'll be all right!" in a cheery tone. In other words, any conversation firmly Shut Down. Actually, veering totally off thread, when ds was born I nearly died; in fact I was dead at one point and had a two-week stay in hospital. Trying to tell dm afterwards, she replied, "You're all right now, then, though." And that was that.

Yes, good skills there, FlyingPigs. This is one of the best boards on MN.

HSMMacM, I've been following everyone's stories and its been hugely helpful to feel part of a group, even though we're all internet strangers.

I've just self diagnosed myself on Google with a ganglion.

ladyincement your mum sounds the opposite of mine. My mum responds to any minor problem as if it were a national tragedy.

Don't get me wrong, it comes from a place of pure love, but it can do your nut in.

I always try to tread a middle ground: acknowledge when something's crap, without encouraging whinging.

Cement

I think I was coming across as panicking and I didn't want to keep txting him with, "Why don't you join XXX " every day
I think you may be me! (part from the near death experience)!
DS has made contact and is calling DH later to arrange meet up. So thats something. I remember when I was their age...I dont think I gave my Mum and Dad a second thought and only rang every couple of months or if I needed money .

o i hate a bold fail