Early days at uni 2017

[HSMMaCM]

How is everyone settling in?

DD starts on Wednesday.

Oh fairy that's a worry. How far away is she? Could you plan a visit or get her home for a weekend? Do you know anyone else at her uni?

OH no fairy
Can you FaceTime maybe? See her face whilst you talk?

Agree. Is there any way you can visit, or have her come home this weekend. Face to face, or in familiar surroundings, and she won't need to brave, and can talk through the issues.

However mature and sophisticated they may seem, they are young, and trainee adults. Freshers week can be tough.

A friend with several DC, was telling me that one of hers partied a lot at Freshers, drank silly amounts then crashed. She went up and stayed nearby, making sure he ate and helped him get back into a routine. A bit OTT but she says she would do it again. Normally she is pretty hands off, but had a sense that he needed help , or at least some real food, to move forward.

Oh no, fairy what a worry for you. I'd also ask her to call you. I hope you get the reassurance you need and soon.

Juggling I agree about the bursary. I can't think how kids cope who can't rely on a bit of help from their parents or some kind of savings. My DD is surviving on the wages she earned (and saved) last year.

Morvah thank you. So far I am actually very impressed at how resilient DD is being. I just hope she won't have to be for much longer.

fairy - I too agree with unfortunate and others. Is there any chance you could visit or have her home for a weekend? We had to do this with ds and now he's much better. He was just overwhelmed, anxious and as a result, not thinking straight. Bringing him home and addressing his concerns with him, one at a time, and making him propose the solutions, but in an environment where he felt more at ease, was 100% what he needed... Sure, there are likely people who feel that he should have been pushed to work through it on his own, but I know that he needed help and support far more than he needed a lesson in independence right then.

I know that he needed help and support far more than he needed a lesson in independence right then.

I think that knowing someone will always be there if you need them is actually helpful in shoving them along the road to independence (and beyond!) There is never any shame in needing someone else every now and then.

If DS was struggling I would be there in a shot.

fairy, I would see if you can get in touch. May be she has a school friend she communicates with? They tend to communicate with friends more than parents anyway.

Mine said yetserday he has done no washing yet (been there 2 weeks) although he's tidied his room to a pristine state (he's very tidy at home but it had got messy) but he dose know how to work the machines as he's seen someone else do it. His favourite jumper has a hole in it he seems not happy with . I suggested finding someone who darns, looking it up on youtube or just doing a few stitches inside it to close it from the inside. If that's his only issue then there is no problem.

Definitely no shame in needing support. I drummed that into mine before he left.

fairy, I hope your DD is ok ❤️

fairy....go with your instinct. Ask her and take it from there. Hope it is nowt.

I'll facetime her tonight and see what's what, shame I'm working today or I'd go down.

Meanwhile, she's getting these tonight thanks to same day delivery - www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01FRQ006A/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

hopefully they will raise a smile.

fairy trust your gut feeling. Yes they need to be independent but they can only learn that by being appropriately supported. I'd visit or offer a weekend at home and give them time to open up but you know your DC and you know what is right for her at the moment. I hope all goes well.

In other news, DS's final day/night at home, we set off tomorrow. I'm hoping the packing is finished today although he was out last night with friends who are in the final tranche to leave and didn't get in until 2.30am. I'm going to have fun getting him to Drs for his 8.30am appointment for his flu jab.

Fairy, I agree with the others. Face-timing tonight seems like a good idea, then you can decide.

Oldie, "find someone who darns" It won't be DD then!

No idea if DD has done any washing - she was fretting about using the app, but that's her problem!

I know that he needed help and support far more than he needed a lesson in independence right then.

Extremely sensible advice soupdragon. fairy I hope you manage to get your DD to unload.

That quote was lazydog, I just agreed with her :)

Fairy - love the pens

Behind the door - good luck with the flu jab and setting off. We also managed a trip to the dr on the morning of her first day.

DD's boyfriend seems to have crashed most of her freshers week! Fortunately she still seems to be making friends. I'm quite cross with him, because he promised to give her some space.

Only 9 days to our visit

Hope your dd is ok fairy

Ds1 hasnt had time to be alone, he moved in on the 16th, we met him for lunch on the 24th and he came home for the weekend last night

Covered in hickies

And loads of washing machines. He spent 2 hrs hours helping a flatmate when her machine went tits up and he said at the start of the two hours 6 machines were 'working' 2 hours later on two were. He just doesn't trust them

Going to google launderettes in a minute

fairy go with your instinct. If you're wrong, no harm done.

One of the reasons I didn't send my DC to boarding school was that I wanted to see them regularly.

It didn't matter if they spent most of their time in their bedroom or in the magical land of 'out'. It didn't matter if their means of communication was grunting. I would still be able to see them on a daily basis and gauge if anything was wrong. I always felt I was best placed to spot that.

Oops, sorry - excellent advice lazydog!

Just picked up a very grumpy text from DS at 3 am as three drunken girls were banging on everyone's doors trying to find someone who doesn't even live there. The joys of flatsharing . . . .

Rufus

Another latecomer here but just wanted to say thank you for all the wonderful tidbits of advice & information in this thread. Definitely helps when you've got a secret squirrel like my DS1!
One of his acts of independence in choosing accommodation is going to cost us £2,000 more because he's ended up in one of the private student halls, which although very nice, has a 51 week let.
It's been funny reading so many with DC going to Southampton. I was at Glen Eyre back in the mid 80's too

We dropped DS off last Friday and due to distance and it being a nice destination (York) made a weekend of it. Think he was a little anxious on the Friday when we left him in halls, but just met up with him on the Saturday & Sunday for lunch and left him to his own devices (well that's turned into a very literal phrase nowadays!) for the rest of the time, and he seemed much happier by the time we said goodbye on the Sunday. Think it probably helped him to settle by being around if he needed us.
As for cooking, he insisted on self-catering, I purchased loads of supplies for him, but ended up buying a few of the M&S ready meals for 1 that were 3 for £7. Prefer that he ate those whilst dealing with everything else new rather than worrying about trying to cook (not his forte unless it's a Victoria sponge!).
Have had minimal contact this week but can tell he's alive by fb! Think I preferred the snail mail back in the 80's so my parents didn't know what I was up to!!

DS says he his loan hasn't come through yet, because he forgot to enrol!

Forgot to enrol?!! I'd say that was pretty high on the list of things to do!

Whoops rights, kind of the only thing they need to do in Freshers week - apart from get to know and get along with a whole group of new people in a strange place of course!
Oh well, I'm sure there's someone who can help him sort that. There is a lot more support available now or so I was led to believe at the open days.
Hi Betty HaHa about leaving them to their own devices!
I would say LOL but my DD told me on recent message exchange that it makes me sound old! Well, not old Mum, but out-dated! LOL HaHa 😁

[Waves back at bettytaghetti ] !!!

I woke up in the night worrying about ds as I haven't heard much. You know what it's like in the small hours - some triviality goes round and round in your head until it becomes an insurmountable problem. The huge issue keeping me awake was whether I should have left ds with his old pillows instead of new ones and maybe he couldn't sleep and... and... Why oh why did I spend three hours awake over that?

Anyway, he texts this morning to say he is exhausted but it's "super fun" so that sounds ok. No mention of pillows!

DS says his bed is uncomfortable & he can feel the springs. Can anyone recommend a topper? Does it need to be a memory foam one? It's a 4 foot bed so it will be of no use next year (DS2 may need it in future I suppose) & I don't want it taking up half the car at the end of the year. What have other folk bought? Thanks in advance.