Uni Freshers parents 2016?

[granarybeck]

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

Gas yeah she started on 3rd September but came home last weekend, Im going to send her a message and ask if she wants us (me, DH and her 3 & 4 year old sister and brother) to visit this weekend.

catch I had assumed my DD was loving uni but only found out last weekend that she hates it so at least your DS is being honest. I hope he settles soon, it's a big worry.

I don't think my DD will be looking for a job as she has joined the uni football team so that takes up her weekend. Luckily her gran won some money on the bingo so gave it to DD to help her out at uni plus with it being her birthday she's actually doing OK money wise. She isn't a big spender tho unlike me.

OhFuds, that's so tough - I hope she enjoys a bit of a spend courtesy of her lovely (and lucky!) gran.

I'm half expecting DS to walk through the door tonight but I can only hope he understands that day 1 is too early to give up

DS1 seems quite happy so far, (since drop off yesterday! ) He has messaged to ask me where he'd packed his phone charger (!) and mentioned that people in his kitchen seemed nice.

He is 19 next week so very ready to fly the nest. He's a bit geeky and was quite shy but sixth form seemed to give him confidence. I'm sure he'll be fine. Communication is pretty telegraphic but like others, he's used to being away EOW with his father and has done countless school trips and scout camps and even a week away on a physics residential between Y11 and 12 with 30 strangers, so he's unfazed by it.

I'm beginning to feel that life at home is completely missable. I'm sure I haven't failed as a parent and it's actually down partly to personality of one's DC but mainly down to luck whether they have instantly fallen in with a like minded crowd. It may take longer for some than for others to find their people.

I was really lucky and was on a corridor with two girls who I'm still friends with today, but we had a better time in the second year when we met a big group of fun people who were more like us. So much is down to luck but there are opportunities to meet people more on your wavelength through your course and through clubs, though you do tend to see people who live near you the most.

I hope things settle down for those who have had a rough start.

Well my ds had the "don't want to drink and party reaction", as I mentioned up thread, but today had a full day of course stuff and loved it and his fellow students on the course - so tell your dcs to hang on in there.

How proud am I tonight though - my ds just sent me a picture of his food shop - it has a green veg and some fruit in it. And he asked me how to cook chicken drumsticks. I could have cried with relief that he's thinking about his diet and that his course has started well.

Pleased to hear it Dunlurking! One of my DD's big regrets is that she is in fully catered accommodation, and doesn't have access to kitchen facilities.

I really do think, especially at first, that a DC's happiness can largely depend upon who they meet in the first couple of days. My DD is fortunate, in that she gets on very well with her roommate (refers to them both as "an old married couple"!) but I can imagine it is very difficult at first if they don't find a like minded soul.

Welcome to the thread Danni and Catch22.
JWIM and Leeds, I'm glad your DCS are enjoying their overseas experience - they are brave!
My DDs seem to have settled in now and are on their third week. The drinking already seems to have died down a lot as they both have a lot of work. DD2 was in lectures 9 until 5 today and when I FaceTimed her at 6.30, she was sat in her room working. She is partly catered (which I am very glad about) and was just about to go for tea with her flat mates. Going for communal meals does make sure she socialises. DD1 did go to a party last night so was having a quiet night tonight. They both came home for the night on Saturday (with their washing!) and were very tired. I do keep telling them to make sure they are taking vitamins, eating and getting some sleep.

Catch22 - one of DD1's friends is in his 2nd year at Durham and DD2 has a 3rd year friend there. They both thoroughly enjoy it but have joined several societies so have made lots of friends. I am sure your DD will settle in and feel comfortable soon.

Hello everyone, my DS went on Saturday, ice spoken to him once since then but have texted; he seems alright and says the others in his halls are nice, one is even on his course.
He's in catered halls so has gone for meals s far with one particular boy. He is just breakfast and dinner and he actually YouTubed how to make a poached egg, then made it for supper!
As for me I cry intermittently, missing him very much, have DD at home but still. I've not told him how sad I am, just keeping jolly.

This article chimes with what many are saying here - that their DCs are not particularly enjoying the heavy drinking side of Freshers week.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-37545876
My DS has started his timetable( which is pretty full) and hasn't really gone to any of the events.He seems to be enjoying cooking his own meals but I am sure that the novelty will wear off soon. I would prefer him to be in catered accommodation as I think that there is enough to be getting used to in that first year.

Yes, DS isn't a massive party animal. He has had a couple of drink related 'episodes' though prior to leaving for Uni - I hope he learnt from them - as I won't be around to come and carry him home!

I have seen the programme for the week and it does seem to include a lot of other meetings/inductions/events - but every night is a party night somewhere - either on campus or out in town.

I do think though that the novelty of being away from home and being independent may be enough reward for DS - so he may not feel the need for constant partying this week. fingers crossed

Parenting doesn't ever end does it

lovelybangers I thought that about Lancaster too, but I guess maybe all unis are geared towards going out on the town etc in Welcome week. Hopefully it will calm down soon as like your DS mine's not a massive drinker or party animal.

lovelybangers I thought that about Lancaster too, but I guess maybe all unis are geared towards going out on the town etc in Welcome week. Hopefully it will calm down soon as like your DS mine's not a massive drinker or party animal.

lovelybangers I thought that about Lancaster too, but I guess maybe all unis are geared towards going out on the town etc in Welcome week. Hopefully it will calm down soon as like your DS mine's not a massive drinker or party animal.

DS seems to be settling in OK since Sunday but four others from his friendship group chose the same uni! He was determined to make new friends too though, but it has been helpful so far. Two are in the building next door and the other two more scattered.

Also, he knew the university chaplain from elsewhere too, and bumped into him yesterday so there was another link.

It seems a shame the societies fairs aren't until the end of the week, he isn't a party animal either. Though he says there is things organised for non-party people, he also has a sore throat and is losing his voice so keeping a low profile.

lin4 thanks for posting the link. Good to see others recognising what our children are saying.

I wasn't impressed to learn that the Warwick SU president is campaigning for Warwick to have a specific Freshers' week introduced. I'm so glad for ds that he only had 2 evenings of it before the course started. It really knocked his confidence. (Whereas now he's fine.) They have the sports union societies fair today I think and the student union societies fair Wednesday and Thursday - so they have to find time to visit those in between timetabled course commitments. Also, lets face it, they've saved 1-2 weeks of hall fees, and gained those 1-2 weeks extra to spend earning from their holiday jobs before they start, with nothing lost from the course. Ds has come out £700 ahead on that basis, not counting what he would have spent on alcohol and entertainment in those hypothetical 2 weeks. does any of that make sense?

Thanks also from me, lin4. Same experience with DS, who is neither a drinker or a party animal. He felt very left out when all his flatmates trouped off to clubs every night last week. I'm hoping things will settle down now (as soon as he's learned how to plan his shopping and cooking within a packed timetable). I woke up in the night fretting about his not eating enough. Someone mentioned vitamins on a recent thread. I may just post him some.

DS1 still seems happy. Says the people he's met so far are all really lovely. I've no idea how much he's partying as he doesn't share that with me, but he's a complete lightweight when it comes to alcohol so hopefully self limiting!

He's bumped into someone from his sixth form that he didn't know was also at Warwick. Not a particular friend or anything, but nice to see a familiar face.

He said he had spag bol for tea. Doubt whether he made it this early on so perhaps some communal cooking is happening?

Getting information out of him is tricky, we have messaged a few lines on FB and I don't want to badger him, but I'm dying to know! Maybe I'll ring him at the weekend.

Ellen do you and your DS have Whatsapp?

My DH and I just installed it as our DS went away 2 weeks ago - whilst we have had some Facetimes & the odd call and text, by far the most chat has been via Whatsapp.

We have set up a group chat for the 4 of us and although DD16 doesn't contribute much, it has definitely become the comms of choice for DH, DS and myself. Even just sending random photos eg on a dog walk, usually sets off some silly comments by DH and DS (who both have the same sense of humour!)

Would definitely recommend it !

Thanks for the suggestion kath. We use FB messenger app which is very similar to whatsapp, but getting DS1 to reply in more than monosyllables has always been tricky. He's even worse on the phone usually! I think I'll just have to persevere until I can go up and visit him, maybe in November.

Bloody hell, I facetimed DD (her 18th today) and she's clearly still not happy and settled. The plans was that she was supposed to go out for a meal with her halls mates but most are choked with the cold so they didn't go so she's in her room all alone. She said she's coming home for a visit and I suggested why doesn't she come home friday and I'll run her back on Sunday (I'm visiting Sunday anyway) but she said to come Sunday and she'll come home next weekend. She looked and sound miserable

Apparently there is a few who are giving it until xmas and going to decide whether or not to stay or leave. As much as I want to tell her to ask about transferring closer to home, I want her to stick it out too.

The newborn stage is a doddle compared to uni life! Give me sleepless nights any day over homesick teenagers haha.

It is good to hear of people settling in though very worrying for those who aren't.
Ds's classes started in earnest today and he seemed quite happy tonight. He doesn't drink but is in an alcohol-free flat so doesn't stand out. He is technically self catering but is only cooking at weekends and eating in the refectory during the week. The only down side of that is that they only seem to serve peas and sweetcorn as veg.
Given his ASD and other issues he is coping remarkably well. Previous experience suggests this might be a honeymoon period though.
Unfortunately his DSA assessor did the funding for his mentoring and study skills support incorrectly. The disability service at his university didn't pick up on this until yesterday so he will have no support in place for about two weeks.
I am pretty annoyed after all the work we did to ensure he had the right support from the start but he seems remarkably calm about it.

One thing tho I asked my DD is she wanted a birthday cake brought on Sunday, she said no so I said will I bring a couple of boxes of Krispy creme donuts for your kitchen.....no to that too she wants decent bananas from Sainsburys as Lidl ones aren't the best and it's only Lidl near her halls.