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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:

GasLightShining · 03/10/2016 13:42

Place You should feel pleased with yourself that home is being missed. I am sure there are quite a few that are pleased they are away from home.

I don't think how ever much we try and make them confident and independent people this is so different from being at home. Even sending them off on holiday for a week or two isn't the same.

Your DD will get there - just taking a bit longer and she just sounds very sensible.

yolo keeping my fingers crossed for your DD.

I went to see DS this weekend. Feel better now I have seen him (although not feeling the love so much regarding the washing we brought home - all two weeks of it!).

His room seems to be used as the common room as he has a double bed to lounge on and an xbox. Quite pleased as think this has helped him be more sociable.

lovelybangers · 03/10/2016 14:47

Oh bloody hell. DS doesn't have his passport for registration. Driving licence isn't enough.

dreamingofsun · 03/10/2016 14:48

they've told him that Lovelybangers? Mine didn't have his passport - just his license and it was fine.....different unis i guess

hellsbells99 · 03/10/2016 15:08

My DD needed her passport to get her accommodation key as well as to register.

lovelybangers · 03/10/2016 15:09

I hate mailing important documents but seeing as we only dropped him there yesterday another drive over is a bit much.

Waiting for him to get me the correct address details..

NoHaudinMaWheest · 03/10/2016 15:38

Ds doesn't have a driving licence or a passport but they still managed to register him. It probably took a bit longer but it has to be doable. There are people who have neither and it isn't compulsory to have them.

lovelybangers · 03/10/2016 15:45

He had his driving licence to get his room keys - I figured that would be enough.

Birth certificate is another option. Easier to replace if it goes astray in the post too.

I can't decide which to send.

Leeds2 · 03/10/2016 16:09

Just got back from Parents' Weekend (US uni, don't think they have this in UK!). Was fun, and lovely to see DD after six weeks. Most important thing, to me, was that she seems to have made a good group of friends.

JWIM · 03/10/2016 16:26

Leeds2 great to hear that your DD decided on her US choice. DD has also settled well across the pond, although has had to work through Freshers 'Flu' last week. Room sharing has not proved too challenging and she has friends in her Hall and on her course.

Overseas study seems to raise much the same challenges as going to a UK university bar one - the higher age limit for drinking means that alcohol does not feature in Freshers activities so, although they party, the downsides of booze are avoided.

Leeds2 · 03/10/2016 16:41

Glad to hear that your DD has settled too, JWIM.

I know exactly what you mean about the alcohol not being the be all and end all of freshers' activities, although DD reports that she has been to a couple of parties in third year housing where alcohol was available (presume they were 21) and that several people in her year have been warned about drinking already.

Dani414 · 03/10/2016 17:31

Hi everyone. Just wanted to say how comforting it has been to read all your messages. I haven't messaged before to this thread and I'm quite new to Mn but reading them is helping me to cope after my ds1 started 2 weeks ago. I've missed him so much (I felt so low and cried all the time) and then he came home for weekend - he was feeling unwell/tired and I was so happy but yesterday dh dropped him off in the morning and I'm back to feeling miserable and been crying again today. I worried so much how he would cope as he only turned 18 a few weeks before he started but luckily he's doing ok. I enjoy reading all your messages as it helps me to feel not so lonely and often puts a smile on my face. Thank you.

OhFuds · 03/10/2016 17:51

Hi Dani, welcome to the thread.

My DD turns 18 tomorrow, it feels really strange as I've not bought a cake or banners which I would usually do. She's got a bundle of cards her so I said I'll open them and bank transfer any money that is inside and post the cards. She's going out for dinner with her hall mates so I'm pleased she's not sitting in. She also messaged me today to tell me she had passed her 1st assessment. I'm undecided whether I should visit this weekend or just let her enjoy the time with her friends.

lovelybangers · 03/10/2016 17:55

Dani that's what it's here for :)

Your DS will be fine. It's the parents that suffer I think

I am kind of used to DS being away but this time it's for much longer than a week at a residential or camp.

Was fretting over the day of drop off (yesterday) but once I had actually seen his room and met some other students and parents, then wandered around campus a little I felt much happier. In fact I wished it was me going away to Uni

I keep reminding myself that my job was to get DS to the age of 18 and then send him out into the world. University is a gentle way of doing so really - they get lots of assistance. Job done.

and to all parents.

lovelybangers · 03/10/2016 17:57

ohfuds without going back through the thread.. how come your DD is just turning 18 now ? did she start a year early ?

OhFuds · 03/10/2016 18:07

We're Scottish so with a October birthday she was one of the youngest in her year with our cut off dates for starting school.

LIZS · 03/10/2016 18:14

Batch of muffins just out of the oven ready for dh to drop off tomorrow with new bank card. Hoping they cleared up after Saturday's party as they had been threatened with a fine after the last one.

GasLightShining · 03/10/2016 19:38

Dani My DS was 18 at the end of August. On top of this he is my youngest and his sister didn't go to uni so haven;t been there done it. He's my little baby! Being on here helps to remind us it is ok to feel down.

As I posted earlier we went down this weekend. He was telling me how he had felt really ill on Friday and at dinner one of the catering staff told him he didn't look very well. I asked if they a bit motherly and he said yes. Although I felt sad that he was under the weather on his own it did make me feel better that someone noticed. Guess the catering staff will get to know the students.

OhFuds Happy 18th to your DD. If you are in Scotland hasn't she been at uni for a good few weeks now? I would say no harm in visiting especially since it is her 18th

LIZS Fine will not be good. Muffins sound yummy!

Are anyone's DCs getting jobs?

Original poster

granarybeck · 03/10/2016 19:51

Dani I agree, it's nice to know we aren't alone when feeling down. I'm happy that my two are doing okay but keep getting moments of just feeling sad they aren't here.

Gaslight not as yet. Dd's timetable is pretty full on so not much time for a job. I also didn't want them to be unable to come home or visit friends at weekends if they wanted to. Having said that I think they are both keen to find casual work that they can pick up when they can fit in, but think they're focusing on settling in first.

OP posts:

catch22squared · 03/10/2016 19:56

hello everyone, just popped by this thread looking for some support for new starters at university. We dropped DS off at Durham yesterday, took him for coffee this morning and he was very gloomy. He says it's all rubbish, everyone just wants to get drunk and he hasn't met anyone who like him is very serious about their subject.

He phoned his gran to tell her how awful it was and how he wanted to come home but he 'knows we won't let him so he has to stick it out'.

Desperately hoping he settles in quickly!

GasLightShining · 03/10/2016 20:03

granary My DS needs to although he has enough to keep him going for a while - in fact the year probably if he is careful but that includes using his 18th birthday money. I think he is better of saving that for something fun like a holiday rather than living on. He doesn't want to get a job though and I know I can't make him

catch it still early days for him. I am sure there are loads who are serious - he just hasn't met the non drinking serious ones yet.

Original poster

granarybeck · 03/10/2016 20:04

catch22 it's early days yet, I'm sure he will meet like minded people on his course. What's he studying? Also at least he's telling you how he's feeling. I worry my two will only tell me the good bits as they won't want me worrying.

OP posts:

Original poster

granarybeck · 03/10/2016 20:07

gaslight yes same here really. Im saying that but it will depend how their money stretches. DS worked when he got back from travelling to save a bit to take as he'd had a gap year. DD just turned 18 so saved some of her birthday money. Don't know how long it will last though!!

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 03/10/2016 20:11

I think catch that it will be easier once lectures/classes etc start. And there will be loads of students not interested in alcohol, or at least getting drunk all the time. Your son just hasn't had chance to meet them yet.

catch22squared · 03/10/2016 20:22

Thanks, yes I agree it will be easier when his lectures start. He is just very shy and finds these situations difficult. His halls are lovely, nice room with basin, big desk and lots of storage. He says he hates Durham because it's just a village, apparently they all went to a club last night but it was crap. He does tend to be negative though!

He is talking to his gran rather than me. (I'm not his DM, DH and I are aunt and uncle). I'm going to send him a few texts over the next few days to try and establish some contact.

I hope everyone's DC are settling in happily now

SecretSaffron · 03/10/2016 20:45

ohfuds happy bday to your dd
catch agree it is very ear;y days, especially if he only went this weekend. I'm sure things will pick up
gas I wish my ds could get a job, but they are not allowed to work in term time (Cambridge)

No further news her, but I do seem to be a little less sad overall. I cooked a chicken and broccoli potato bake for dinner....and had loads left over!!!

I have been browsing possible unis for dd1 (16, just started A levels) she really likes the look of Edinburgh but it is so far away, and accommodation seems very pricey(and I think the course if 4 years, and someone said terms are longer )...maybe I need not to be thinking about this just yet!!

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