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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:
raspberryrippleicecream · 18/09/2016 21:26

Another one in total agreement. Well said everyone Flowers

thepurplehen · 18/09/2016 22:05

Anyone got a quiet, geeky, introverted teen?

I keep telling ds he will meet lots of people like himself at uni, but I'd love to hear from anyone whose son/daughter is like my ds and who has actually gone off to uni and been ok.

jaxxyj · 18/09/2016 23:00

Back from dropping off DS at Kingston, to me that is that big London! It was eventful. Involved my partner attending walkin after cutting fingers on new very sharp knife. Fixed with steristrips and a huge bandage and blood cleared up in brand new halls kitchen! Car broke down this afternoon ( luckily just as we set off and before m25)! So 12 hours later...we are now back home. DD has had an early night as she has her first lecture tomorrow after freshers week in Edinburgh.
DD and DS have set up a family what's app group and called it MUMSNEST which has cheered me up!

Becca19962014 · 18/09/2016 23:21

purplehen I was a quiet, geeky, introverted teen when I went to uni (and college). A lot of people on my course were similar, my personality didn't change that much though apparently I write very scary complaint letters though it was a course that tended to appeal to people like that (engineering and software engineering combined). Hopefully your DS will be fine.

Squirrills · 19/09/2016 10:58

jaxxyj Love the Mumsnest.
purplehen I have two very different DC. DS1 started uni two years ago and I was beside myself with worry that he would cope. He is shy and geeky and has always found social situations hard. He moved into self catered halls and flourished. He settled better than I ever dared hope and made friends from all backgrounds as well as finding others with similar interests. I am sure your DS will find his niche.
DS2 who is about to start uni is a different character altogether Grin

homebythesea · 19/09/2016 20:55

DS out for his last local clubbing night tonight- and by the wonders of WhatsApp he's also meeting a couple of local people on his course, a great icebreaker!

Dunlurking · 20/09/2016 07:36

Ds's course has a third home students, a third EU and a third International, as far as we can see from their Facebook group - and no one within a few hundred miles, so your ds is lucky homebythesea . I hope he had a good night out.

dreamingofsun · 20/09/2016 08:49

tell them to watch out for pick pockets. my DD got her new phone and keys nicked at the first freshers night on sunday. Despite me warning her of the potential risks. Its put a bit of a dampner on things

lovelybangers · 20/09/2016 09:53

Oh no dreaming

That's awful for your DD.

Dunlurking · 20/09/2016 10:07

Oh dear. Not good dreaming Sad Thanks for the warning.

homebythesea · 20/09/2016 10:11

dunlurking he crept in at 0500 so I'm guessing it went ok 😜😁🙄

thepurplehen · 20/09/2016 12:36

Thanks for all the replies about introverted teens.

I think my DS will be OK if he pushes himself to meet new like minded people. I keep reminding him that his current friends won't be available on Skype everynight like they are now, so he will need to get new ones!

Phaedra11 · 20/09/2016 18:55

I'm feeling so awful. DS has told me he can't fit in with his new flat mates and is feeling too self conscious now to use the kitchen/communal area to cook.

He's happy about the course and has made some friends at a social event for his course, - but doesn't feel comfortable with his flat mates. He went out drinking with them the first night, but not the second and now feels excluded and uncomfortable with them and "unable to do what he needs to do to fit in". There are ten with quite a divide between the lads and the girls.

It has been his dream to do this course at this university, I'm so scared this will ruin everything for him.

BennyTheBall · 20/09/2016 18:57

What a worry for you, Phaedra.

It's very early days though. I hope things get better.

LIZS · 20/09/2016 19:03

Oh no Phaedra how tricky. How long has he been there? maybe once the courses get going the socialising will quieten down and any factions disperse as they meet others beyond. If not could he try to do a swap?

dreamingofsun · 20/09/2016 19:07

my son only got on with one person in his flat. he made loads of friends on his course and elsewhere (football, other flats in the hall).

My younger one has 3 people in his flat that never come out of their rooms and don't want to socialise - tell him the others are probably desperate to make friends (like my son) but sad because people are sitting in their rooms.

choccybiscuit · 20/09/2016 19:08

It's such a worry isn't it? So far my daughter has had her phone broken, so the only means of contact I have is through email and she now has tonsillitis! The fun never ends! I've posted her a phone next day delivery. I haven't stopped crying since she left, I miss her and worry as she's not well.

Wildernesstips · 20/09/2016 19:09

Hi everyone. I dropped my DS off on Sunday at uni. Just wondered how often you are hearing from/receiving any communication from your DC? Part of me is glad that he doesn't feel the need to contact me, part of me wants to just know everything is ok!

Phaedra11 · 20/09/2016 19:11

Thank you, Benny.

LIZS, Yes, I suspect it will be easier after Freshers Week for those reasons but he's convinced that everyone else will continue to get closer and he'll feel increasingly excluded. According to him " everyone" spends "all" their time together in the communal room or out drinking. He was aiming for a balance between that and spending time in his room but it doesn't seem to have worked out.

He does say everything else is great and he's made friends from the course but I'm so scared this will start to colour everything for him.

Wildernesstips · 20/09/2016 19:13

Oh Phaedra, your poor DS.

Flowers for Choccybiscuit.

Phaedra11 · 20/09/2016 19:15

Thank you dreaming. I suppose there is a certain amount of randomness to flat allocation in the first year. Really, really hoping he can develop the friendships from his course.

LIZS · 20/09/2016 19:24

Ds has face timed at some point each day. I expect this will wane when lectures start next week but it is reassuring for now. Ironically he keeps running into people he knows or who live nearby but has also made friends in his block and course. His block has a fb group now so they can coordinate going to dinner or going out. They accidentally left someone behind last night Blush

Coconutty · 20/09/2016 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leeds2 · 20/09/2016 20:03

DD an I Skype once a week (she has been gone a month). She will also reply to What's App messages, and occasionally send some, but these aren't very long.

Original poster
granarybeck · 20/09/2016 20:06

Phaedra11, you must feel really worried. I'm sure things will settle post freshers. Could he try going into the common areas when there's just a few people there to start with to get to know them slowly, not to need to go out with them just so he feels more comfortable?
My two haven't set off yet so I've got all these worries to come.
However, my dd has had messages from a couple of her usually very confident friends who are struggling so worth reminding him that he won't be the only one in his flat/block feeling like that.

OP posts: