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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:
hellsbells99 · 18/09/2016 10:39

Both DDs posted on snapchat last night and looked like they were having a good time. DD1 has text this morning to say her shower is good! She also said she bumped into a close friend in a bar - close friend is at the neighbouring uni. DD1 sounds happy. Heard nothing from DD2 but she will be asleep until lunchtime!

lin4 · 18/09/2016 11:28

Ellen - DS also receiving a bursary and we also stumbled upon it. It will make a difference to him so we are very grateful.
Lovely to hear from those who have done the drop off and are adjusting( or not) to their new life. We still have another couple of weeks and the pile of stuff in the kitchen continues to grow so will have to remind myself that we have a small car
Btw ( Warwick mums) a new Aldi has just opened in a shopping centre just off campus.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 18/09/2016 11:34

I can't see DS1 face timing somehow. We often chat briefly on FB messenger, though, as he spends EOW at his dad's so I think that's how we'll stay in contact.

I can remember my parents worrying about me getting in late during university holidays and finding it weird as they had no idea what I got up to term time. Back then there was one hall pay phone and I rang them once a fortnight or so. They sent a very occasional letter as well. Mobiles, texting, FaceTime, whatsapp, messenger etc, never even imagined. There were mobile phones, but they were the size of a brick and really expensive.

Must not stalk DS1, must not stalk DS1...

DS1's small box room is living up to its name at the moment, full of cardboard and plastic storage boxes. Good job he's got a loft bed. His hall room is fairly small but will still be bigger that his room at home.

Since finding out about this bursary he's been wondering if he should have opted for a more expensive room! Grin

AvaloniaFunk · 18/09/2016 13:16

My eldest started uni yesterday. Managed to keep it to together and not cry until after he had gone. So what I need to know is how everyone stays in touch with their kids at uni without interfering but keeping close relationships?

Coconutty · 18/09/2016 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raspberryrippleicecream · 18/09/2016 14:25

I'm hoping DS1 will use Telegram. I use it a lot with my sisters. I know phone reception is awful on campus, but he has free wi-fi!

homebythesea · 18/09/2016 14:38

avalonia my DS has not gone yet but I have said that whilst he can iMessage/whatsapp/text to his hearts content, I want to hear his voice at least once a week on the basis that you can tell
So much more about the general wellbeing by voice rather than written word. We will see how that pans out. I know I will have to sit on my hands to not keep checking up on him! He has not allowed me to follow him
On social media (fair enough) so dang stalk that way

homebythesea · 18/09/2016 14:38

"Can't " stalk obvs

Squirrills · 18/09/2016 14:38

what I need to know is how everyone stays in touch with their kids at uni
A lot will depend on the DC and how chatty they are or how well they settle. I have one already at uni.
He Skypes once a week or so maybe a text every other day. I know when things are going extra well as I don't hear from him, equally I know when he's got a problem or is a bit fed up as the contact increases.
Like many young people he is not comfortable with phone calls but he does use the phone sometimes. Usually with cooking questions Grin.

DS2 has always been less communicative so I have expectations of less contact when he goes.

sergeantmajormum · 18/09/2016 14:39

Long time lurker, finding everyone's experiences really helpfu, can I join? Dropped DD1 at Cardiff on Friday and on a roller coaster of emotions since. She's our first to go, DD2 15 is trying very hard not to admit she's missing her sister! Finding it really hard not knowing what she's up to (tho when she was here, I didn't always know, that's how irrational it is) and not sure how often contacting her will be acceptable. She seems to have found a nice group of friends in her flat and the one next door so shouldn't really be worrying but every so often something just makes me stop and have a moment! Guess like most things, time makes it easier.

blueskyinmarch · 18/09/2016 15:15

We are in the halls and have helped DD get unpacked. She is now in the corridor chatting to some girls and they are all getting on well and making plans for later. All good.

justaweeone · 18/09/2016 15:18

Gas- drop off went well!
On way home the moment
Accommodation good and we met 2 of her flat mates who were lovely plus everyone was really friendly. She met up with the rest of her flat mates last night and they had drinks before they went out into the city. One of the boys even had a bottle of prosecco for them to share and even had champagne flutes( what a lovely thought)
We stayed last night as a 500 mile round trip so it was nice to meet for brunch and see her again
I will miss her but feel so excited for her as she embraces the next major chapter in her life, it's my Ds 13 I think that it will impact the most on as he just said "she's always been there ever since I was born"Sad
Good luck to everyone else

Ps don't think you will ever get over that feeling of worrying that they get home safely!

NapoleonsNose · 18/09/2016 16:30

I've been holding off texting DD after drop off on Friday but she broke the ice this morning as she needed to ask something about her bank account. She was brief, but sounded like it was all going well. There's an actual proper fair with rides on the campus this afternoon so her and her flatmates are all going across to that. She told DS that they'd attempted spag bol last night but it wasn't very nice! At least she's not living on crisps and chocolate Wink

sailawaywithme · 18/09/2016 16:39

It's lovely that you are all so concerned about your children...but shouldn't they be the ones making lists and choosing bank accounts?

dotdotdotmustdash · 18/09/2016 16:47

My Dd has been in China for 11 days now and I haven't had the chance to miss her as she's video calling once or twice a day! She's not sad or homesick, she's just so full of life that she wants to chat to us about it. I've actually had to tell her to go a couple of times so I can get on with my life!

I'm sure we'll both come back to earth with a bump soon, but it's definitely not been too painful so far (although I still haven't gone into her room, I'm leaving DH to do that).

Squirrills · 18/09/2016 17:07

sailawaywithme How old are your children?
This is a very supportive thread for those with DC leaving home for uni. Most of us were also on the Y13 thread last year as well. Making lists is a distraction for me and it's nice to chat on MN sometimes without being told we are wrong for being involved, interested and supportive of our children.

LIZS · 18/09/2016 17:14

Agree with Squirrils . Part of parenting this age group is introducing responsibility and self organisation. That neither means doing it all nor just leaving them to flounder, but finding a happy medium. How much you lean each way depends on many variables. This thread happily demonstrates there are many ways to achieve this.

blueskyinmarch · 18/09/2016 17:32

Sailawaywithme. We have worked together with DD to make her plans for uni. She and DH discussed bank accounts etc then she chose the one that suited her and sorted out the application. She has done all the admin needed for her halls and course by herself. We made lists together of things she needed and had a fun time shopping and putting together all her kit. If I suggested things she was free to yay or nay them. We are a family and we work together. It's a big step moving far away from home for the first time. This thread has been great and I don't get the feeling anyone has taken over in sorting out their DC. Some just need more prompting than others.

GasLightShining · 18/09/2016 17:44

just glad it went well. Her flatmates sound lovely. Your DS sounds lovely too - my DD (21) will definitely be missing her brother and that makes me happy as it shows how well they get on

DS set up facetime before he left so hopefully at some point we will speak. Have had a few texts and an e-mail (with pic of new bag and his roast dinner)

Agree with you both Squirrills and LIZS. It is about supporting and advising them. My DD is 21 and has now decided that she wants to go to uni. She wants me to come to the open days with her as she wants a second pair of eyes and ears. I am not 100% happy with her choice of course but that bit isn't my decision to make.

Coconutty · 18/09/2016 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phaedra11 · 18/09/2016 18:18

Dropped off DS at Sheffield yesterday. He seems to be settling in very well. I'm so happy for him but missing him just the same.

No doubt some would judge me for the amount of parental list making and organisation that went on in the preceding weeks. If so, could you please go away and judge me some other time? I'm feeling a bit fragile right now.

NapoleonsNose · 18/09/2016 18:29

There is a very big difference between 'advising' and 'doing it for them' and I think everyone on this thread has done the former. They are all still our kids, some are only just adults too and there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving them a helping hand. I was still asking my dad's advice when I was well into my 20s and as my parent he was more than happy to help rather than abruptly sever the apron strings as soon as I turned 18!

homebythesea · 18/09/2016 19:08

Oh I can't BEAR the posters who seem to think that come the 18th birthday parents should abandon all interest /assistance for their children. I'm delighted my DS has asked me to be involved, advise even though the advice is often ignored and help. I don't know any prospective students whose parents haven't been appropriately involved along the way. It's a big step in life and one of the last times when we will get to be in that role of guider and helpmeet for our kids.

So, sailaway very politely, do fuck off

hellsbells99 · 18/09/2016 20:29

Totally agree homebythesea Wink and coconutty and phaedra and Napoleon
Have a Wine

Peebles1 · 18/09/2016 21:00

Dropped DD off today, me and DH home now. She started crying when I hugged her to leave, but quickly pulled herself together. I was fine, then it hit me driving home that she won't be home anymore, chatting of an evening, sharing a bottle of wine while we watch TV, telling me all her gossip. Sad

She texted an hour after we got back to say the whole flat were in her room and they were all off out to a party later SmileSmile Phew! If she's happy, I'm happy. Time for Poldark and a glass of Wine !!