Struggling ds

[beaucoupdemojo]

Hi all. DS has gone off to university this week and is really struggling to fit in. He is deeply unhappy and struggling to find a group to hang out with. He is in halls which seem to be party central but ds doesnt drink. This is having a huge impact on his ability to bond with the other students.

I feel so sorry for him - he is really putting himself out there to go to social events and chat but he finds this hard at the best of times.

Have told him it's early days, that true friendships take time and that the drinking culture might settle down once the hard work kicks in. But he sounds so down.

I need advice. Should I be contacting the accommodation office with a view to getting him moved? Would that even help? I am going to get in touch with the uni counsellers because I am genuinely wortied about his state of mind.

Any advice gratefully received

I remember from rather a lot of years back saying to my brother just before I went to university, 'How do you make friends if you don't do mad social stuff?'
His advice was, 'You wait till the Freshers' Disco and then go round and see who else didn't go.'

There will be others that hate the drink fueled freshers... They probably are not showing it, so they don't look like party poopers... In my experience it was a numbers game... Get involved in as many clubs, societies as poss without bankrupting yourself... Then gradually prune these into a more manageable number when you start knowing people!

Worked well for me!

Also your 'best friends' in freshers are the ones you spend the next 3 years avoiding!

He may think he's the only student who doesn't drink but in reality he will find others like him.
DS1 will have the odd drink but hadn't really come across much drinking culture before he started last year. Luckily his uni starts lectures during freshers so he wasn't adrift for a week with nothing to do. I also know that it's all very well suggesting clubs and societies but easier said than done for the very shy. DS found the sports clubs in particular very Jockish.
What he did find that suited him were
Someone he knew from a course, a familiar face.
Campus Cinema
Quiz night at the pub (you don't have to drink for this!).

Hi all
Thank you for the kind words of support. Ds has gone out tonight on a social for his subject. Ive said to give it a go and he might have fun. He has also been to a couple of meetings to do with his course and is feeling good about that.

I keep stressing that its early days and life will settle and although it all feels strange now, he will get comfortable there. Have also said that he must find activities he really enjoys and he will meet like minded people there.