Preparing for Uni in 2015 continues...

[Chillywhippet]

New thread

Old one here with loads of info

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2408327-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015

Good luck to those going soon.

The drinking lessens after the first two or three weeks. My oldest dc is a non drinker and it wasn't a problem at all. She just joined some societies and made friends that way.

It is sometimes possible to transfer to quieter accommodation. Which university is it?

Ds was like that too PUG. He was quite happy at home.

Just had a phone call from DD and she is on the vodka at a predrinks and then off to a club (she has never been to a club ever preferring to stay home in her room) and has probably only drunk alcohol a few times before!! She is a very sensible girl BUT I worry she will get carried along and then she has to get herself back drunk halfway across London!!! Not sure I'm going to sleep much tonight!

Life fingers crossed that he gets the accommodation he wants. You must be on pins, I know I would be even if they aren't .

See, nobody tells you about this in the ante natal classes, do they?!

DS rarely drinks, he did do the sixth form parties, but never got completely trashed so I worry about how they all get on when they're let loose with the alcohol!!

DD in first year (of college not uni) but she was living away last year too

& I just found out Wednesday is 8am until 8pm with no free lessons - I think she is completely exhausted!!

Life, hope your DS gets sorted soon; I'd hate the not knowing, but it sounds like he's got the right attitude!

PUG and Horse I am finding it a bit nerve-wracking but it's his adventure. If no uni accommodation comes up within 2 weeks, the uni will help him/others find something privately.

I was just saying to dh the other day that when you have a baby everyone talks about sleepless nights but no one tells you that you will worrying about them getting home from nights out and stressing because they don't make friends easily.

I think this part is far harder than all the baby stuff. At least we knew where were and if they were sad we could fix it when they were babies!

Very true beau!

beau sorry to hear your DS is feeling at sea. It's so hard to know how to help them isn't it? DDs uni has laid on quite a few non or low alcohol events - film days, beach BBQ (on campus not on beach) so it may be worth looking out for those events.

My DD is very sociable and took prosecco and wine with her, so obviously happy to have a drink etc. However, she is still very homesick. It seems to be worse on days when she has been out the night before as she is really tired. Although she has been out at events she is struggling with feeling she hasn't got any friends too.We live quite close and her boyfriend has been over sooner and more than we'd like which of course won't help with making friends.

DD said she wants to join the campus gym which may help her to meet people without alcohol. My other DCs who are much more shy would probably do better as they are into gaming and would join societies.

Thanks Chilly
DS is looking at gym membership for when he has his timetable etc sorted and knows what sort of membership he wants. As an aside, I am spending sooo much money, it's scary!

God, yes, the money situation is crazy. I seem to be haemorraghing money left, right and centre.

DS has just seen some pics of his accommodation on his halls Fb page. He is buzzing now!

Thanks everyone, just got back not so long ago. Sobbing all the way home. My duckie gone now . Shes very lucky she got that flat which is only £10 dearer per week than living at halls that had no ensuite and kitchen. The down side is, she may end up being a bit of a recluse. Told her she will have to make the extra effort to make friends join clubs and societies. We bringing loads of stuff back, the girl dd got the flat off didn't tell her it came with £170 worth of goodies a student pack, included cutlery, kettle, toaster, microwave, mop, iron, duvet bedding set. Now I have duplicate of all those things.

beau I've just read your thread glad u came over this side too. Join the club of dc who's not big on drinking or clubbing. My heart really sank when I read your post, it's a mums worst nightmare to hear dc not enjoying life at uni. I'm also fearing too that dd will not be able to find friend's that are like her. She has it easier in that unlike your ds she doesn't have to live and put up with loutish behaviour.
I worry because dd has low alcohol tolerance since she has never drunk alcohol but when that day comes or she might be put under pressure to do so, she will be vulnerable, I worry for her welfare and safety. Nightclubs and discos have never appealed to her as she doesn't like the atmosphere, it's too loud and she doesn't like seeing how alcohol brings the worst out of people. It's just not her scene.

I wanted to ask are the kids form his halls buying the alcohol and drinking in halls or more, they going out to drink and comming back drunk. If they bringing it in and it goes on for another 3 weeks after uni work properly starts, then I doubt things will get better I would get the ball rolling on moving into quiet rooms. I only say this because the tendency is if theyre buying and bringing alcohol in, others will come along either to join the fun or bring more. It will only effect your ds work and sleep in the long run, its not fair on him.

It could be that there on freshers mentality mode, doing what they think what all freshers are suppose to do and get bladdered. Once they've experienced it, ticked that box. They get back to work. I hope that's what is happening fingers crossed

Bagpuss and mumslife, I hope your dds settle in quickly and make friends.

To answer the question about whether they are buying drink in or going out to drink, it's both. The rooms have fridges, so it's easy to store beers. There are a lot of drinking games going on, which makes people feel they have to drink lots in order to fit in and doesn't leave much scope for socialising if you don't want to do that. Then they are at socials in the evening, so more drinking.

Ideally ds would prefer to do sports/games/subject clubs during the day and would happily go to a pub after and chat. He would prefer to have a coke than a beer but that would be more socially acceptable during the day and the emphasis would be on the activity and the chat rather than the drink. Everyone else is quite happy for the drinking to be the main focus of a night out. I have said that they wont be able to sustain this when they start having early lectures and work to do.

Ideally I would prefer not to move him. He is in catered halls and compared to lots of places his halls are not considered expensive given that he is getting fed. He's paying between 4 and 4 and a half thousand and I know lots of people are paying 6 ish for non catered, which is eye watering. It would be hard to find the extra.

Sorry for such early posting. Dh's alarm woke me up!

The whole drinking/ clubbing/ not making friends is an ongoing conversation here. I keep trying to reassure DD that Freshers week lasts one week and then things will settle down. I really hope this is this case.

beau we are paying over £5000 for NON catered, so yours seems like a pretty good deal.

I just wish DS would phone or text me. I have to keep sitting on my hands

Text him Pug . I think it is okay to ask him to let you know he's alright. You could frame it as asking if he has everything he needs, if you think he wouldn't like you checking up on him.

I installed viber and skype on DSs phone before he left, so I can track him down . Viber is good because you can see if they are online (so you know they are okay) but you dont need to actually message them.

God, I sound like a proper helicopter mum stalker . I promise I am usually not this bad!

Sorry your ds is having such a hard time beau. I am sure things will quieten down once freshers is over but must be very hard for you if he is not settled yet.

Very glad after reading this that dd's freshers "week" is actually only 5 days and then they will have lots of work to knuckle down to. Dd doesn't like to go clubbing or drink more than a glass of wine. She has nothing against drinking in principle but she hates the way it makes her feel. She had labirynthitis a few years ago and she has panic attacks about it coming back - feeling tipsy makes her feel like it has and she hates not feeling in control of her body.

However, she is very confident and sociable - loves meeting new people but just doesn't want to meet them in a club environment. She said a friend who went last year said that all through freshers she went out and got drunk with the same group of people but at the end of 2 weeks she didn't really feel like she knew them. Luckily dd's freshers doesn't include too much clubbing and there are lots of daytime and evening activities planned where she will be able to get to know people. She already knows several clubs and societies which she wants to join and has been connecting with people from them online and if there isn't a feminist society in her college - then she intends to set one up

Still think she is going to be very homesick though!

Reading all this I'm feeling relieved that dd has a full daytime programme for the first two weeks. I'm sure she will want to go out in the evenings a bit too but am secretly hoping she will be too tired for it to be every night!
I think if my dc was really miserable I might encourage them to come home at weekends (if that was feasible) until they felt more settled.

Hi decorhate I feel the same about DS. The pir timetable looks so full they will have a good excuse not to be out to excess every night. DS does like to party and club, but usually it's once or twice a month.
He will be joining a sports club so hopefully training a few times a week as well.
When does your dd go decorate? We are off today!

Has there always been a party culture at Uni? Was Fresher's Week always so wild?

Not having been to Uni, I have no experience of it at all.

I am off tomorrow to drop off DS1 who will be a fresher but hasn't got a place in halls. On Sunday I took DD1 to some very modest accomodation and then next week I am off to take DD2.

The 3 of them are at 2 points of the compass and one in the Midlands. I am exausted at the very thought of it. However I will be glad to clear the house of boxes and LISTS.
I am sure you can imagine.