Preparing for Uni in 2015 continues...

[Chillywhippet]

New thread

Old one here with loads of info

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2408327-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015

quietly that made me chuckle!
DD has been given a booklet with advice etc and it includes having a flat 'buddy' where you swap details/numbers and ensure you let this person know if you are staying out the night etc., and look out for each other when unwell. I have also suggested she gives our numbers to this person.

quietly I'm really hoping my DS will learn to appreciate how much I have run around and picked up after him over the years - but I'm not holding my breath.

I woke up at 2.00am - well DD woke me up - and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was worrying about DS who was going out (presumably drinking) last night and thinking "What if he hasn't unpacked any crockery and he is hung over in the morning and feels too ill to even look for a glass to get a drink of water or a bowl for cereal". I then started to feel cross with DH for 'abandoning' DS after only 20 mins and not helping him organise his room. DS lacks organisational skills (I know he's a teenage boy so that's not so unusual - but his ASD makes him more disorganised) and he is getting a mentor through DSA for 2 hours a week to help organise his academic stuff, so why on earth DH thinks DS could organise the bomb site his room not doubt resembled once all the bags had been dumped, I'm not sure.

I texted DH at 08.00 and told him to ring DS before he leaves to come back and to arrange to go over and help him get sorted and to take him a coffee and bacon bap. Text back later from DH said he has spoken to DS who says he's fine, he's unpacked and set everything up including putting timetables and calendar on notice board and all his kitchen stuff is in his locker. He signed off with "He doesn't need me" which just set the tears flowing .

This is the boy who did nothing at home unless he had been nagged 20 times and then some. I'm not sure if he's a) lying and just telling us what he knows we want to hear b) turned over a new leaf or c) he's found a nice kind girl (or boy) amongst his flat mates to do it all for him .

That's funny Quietly

Dd just text to say she woke up a few times in the night because it was a strange environmen that she's not used to yet, but isn't too tired. She doesn't have to do much today, will just go and register & collect her student ID and make sure her wifi works OK.

Our poor younger children who have been allowed to hide away in peace, in their rooms with headphones on are now going to have to be more sociable and get a lot more unwanted attention!

I will be going through the whole uni visits, UCAS application and exams with ds next and not sure I can face any of it at the moment. I think we all need a bit of time to breathe

Quietly !that made me chuckle too.
DD said their kitchen was in a similar mess last night (their first)!from drinking games. Nobody cooked. Two quiet ones stayed behind when the rest, together with flat next door went to a club. DD went for the experience, hated it but I think likely to give it another go.
Hope the quieter ones didn't clear up after them.

Dd has skyped us now. She's making friends with her flatmates but says there is one girl who others have seen but she hasn't met yet. Thinks she might have stayed in her room so she's going to knock for her in a bit and see if she wants to come out.

Dd just sent a text asking where her washing up sponge was. No more than that but at least she's survived the first night and is cleaning!!!

I resisted sending back a stream of questions. They get brunch at the weekend so hopefully she will be getting her first experience of the refectory now.

Ive not heard from my dd, i text her this morning but knowing her she will still be asleep lol.

I haven't heard a peep from DS, I'm trying not to fret.

DD has just just text to say she is feeling homesick - which is funny because she was always out when she lived here! I assume she is hungover and tired and a bit emotional. Told her to go for a walk and get some fresh air, or go and find the practise rooms and play the piano.

Thanks violets and Pugalugs. I'm sure he'll be fine when he finds his feet. He doesn't drink (or leave the house!) but he's quite happy in his own company and can still game online with his friends. DP thinks he'll not notice the difference to being at home except he won't be nagged to do chores!

Quietly that's hilarious

OMG, this thread has exploded!

mumslife, thanks for the advice about train travel. Will check it out / get DD to check it out.

millymae, your experience sounds great. I really hope DD's will be the same. She doesn't' have to share a room, or even a bathroom!

cooroo, so sorry to hear about your mum. . What a difficult time this must be for you.

marianne, I completely sympathise. I was feeling this way a couple of days ago - endless preparation, DD anxious and therefore grumpy, and much as I love her I was thinking it's high time she left!

mrsbartlet I love that you and your DD are going to write to each other. When I first left home I used to write loads of letters to family and friends and there's nothing like a fresh letter arriving in the post.

pugalugs, at mexibombs!

dontwanttobe, sorry you are feeling bereft. I'm sure this will get easier.

mossagate, sorry to hear about your FIL.

lapsed, you are very brave to have given all those Talks - I am in awe. I took the coward's way out and slipped some condoms into the treat hamper.

fairenuff, another one here with a younger DS who won't know what's hit him with all the parental attention. Those headphones will have to come off! Thank goodness I have a couple of years before we start the whole open days/UCAS/offers circus all over again.

I surprised myself yesterday - no tears at all. Mainly I felt excited for DD and glad that all the preparations were coming to fruition. We set off at 9am promptly yesterday as planned, but shortly after we reached the M25 I realised I'd forgotten the treat hamper I'd prepared for DD. We lost an hour in total going back to get it, but still managed to get to campus for our parking slot. I have to say DD looked stricken when the moment came to get out of the car.

Very busy; queues for the car park, queues for trolleys, but luckily no queues to pick up key card for DD's building. Lots of helpers everywhere - one of them helped us load our trolley, then hauled it for us all the way to DD's room. Unpacked for a while, then went for a very late lunch and to buy a pillow and an umbrella (don't sleep on the pillow you are intending to bring to uni the next day!). We were able to park off campus very close by and then stroll into the city centre - great location. When we got back to the room, there were more flatmates around and it was clear that we were no longer relevant, so we left. DD was still looking very anxious and I really felt for her - I could see she was dreading the ice-breaking phase.

Two hours later while we were driving home, a bunch of happy texts arrived; DD loved her treat hamper, her flatmates are really nice, they're all going out this evening. Felt so happy and proud of her. And SO pleased we went back for the hamper!

We have agreed that we will not see DD until the end of October, when we will go up there to see her. I feel that coming home will make any homesickness more difficult for her to deal with. Then she will come home at Christmas. Brave plans, but I wonder how I will feel when she has been gone a couple of weeks. I am going to really miss her.

Forgot to attach photos:

Glad it went well muffinmonster! Another one here who has warned ds (Y10) that he will have the pleasure of complete parental attention once dd has gone

Dd goes on 3rd October and we will be going to visit her 2 weeks later as it is ds's birthday and she wants to see him (they are very close) but we all think it would be a bad idea for her to come home at that stage. She does have to come home 2 weeks after that as she has an orthodontist appointment - hopefully to finally remove the brace which she has had for 7 years!

Dropped DD off yesterday, all fine, flat mates seemed nice and normal. Me and DH has a bit of a chuckle on the way home cos our DD is quite wild.

DD rang me this morning, a bit quiet and non committal about whether she was having a good time. Finally told me that everyone else in her flat of 10 took ketamine last night, (except one Muslim boy who just went to bed).

I am just so shocked. All of them. Is it me? Is this a thing now?

Just googled and it is nasty stuff. DD is no little innocent; dumped a previous boyfriend for taking and selling drugs. I just was not expecting this.

I think she should report it to their duty manager Tinkly, it's very dangerous stuff and could have horrendous consequences for someone.

Or if she doesn't want to, perhaps you could ring it through yourself?

Oh no, Tinkly - I wouldn't like that. At least she can tell you though. I bet some of the others did it because they felt under pressure. Aargh! I'd see out it pans out over the next few days and then, if she's really unhappy there, have a word with student services or whoever it is that helps them. Difficult.

tinkly arghhh how do you deal with that?! Difficult situation - my daughters accomodation has a ZERO tolerance on drugs and it's on the online terms and conditions she supposedly read and agreed to!
It is a very dangerous drug and my feelings are if these kids are taking it then they aren't first timers! Do you call and sort it - does your daughter report it and run the risk of alienating herself from them (that's if she wants to associate herself with drug takers anyway!) or does she ignore it and feel uncomfortable anyway around them! Dilemma!!

See we googled this hall and we knew it was known for partying and drugs. And I have a DS at University and some of his, very nice, head girl type, flat mates used to indulge, so I know that lots of naice kids do.

But all of them? How bloody maddening.

No she doesn't think they were first timers or anyone was pressurised. She wouldn't report them.

DH says they will probably calm down after Freshers. What a drag though. I don't want her to feel pressured. She is really not used to being the sensible one.

Feel really sorry for the boy who went to bed too. At least my DD is not fazed by this sort of thing; just a bit cheesed off.

I was thinking more about getting moved rather than reporting. I know it's not easy but it must happen that some kids just can't settle with who they're expected to live with.

God Tinkly what an awful situation

Blimey Tinkly that's full on for a first night. as Swedush said, it is great that she could talk to you about it.

drug use is common though and I looked up ketamine bladder and a BBC report says "K bladder, caused by excessive ketamine use, is a bigger problem in the UK than anywhere else in Europe, according to the country's leading expert." So obv ketamine use as a club drug isn't uncommon either.

omg Tinkly id want her to be moved to another flat,

Finally got a txt message from my dd saying she had a good night and that she is off to watch the rugby with some of her flat mates.

tinky omg some are doing drugs already, that's so scary. Makes you wonder how those kids are going to study if they're all drugged up. Must be a worry for you that your dd has to put up with them. For some kids they think it's normal behaviour popping pills and doing wacky baccy, just wish they didn't drag others to try, risking their lives.