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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Preparing for Uni in 2015

998 replies

circular · 22/06/2015 09:01

Carrying on from yr13 thread, here thought we could share our ideas for Uni preparation.

All welcome, not just those in above thread. Would especially appreciate contributions from those who have 'been there'

Topics that spring to mind, and a few recent threads on them are :

What to take What to take , What NOT to take, Shared accommodation

Clearing out rooms

How much to contribute What does it cost, How much needed weekly, How much are you subbing

Budgeting, cooking, and other life skills to learn Easy recipes for teens

Leaving friends, family, boy/girlfriends behind

Us coping without them - noted series of 'Empty Nest' threads.

Hope all the links correct!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
stonecircle · 05/09/2015 12:36

Fairenuff - I feel exactly the same! Fortunately DS doesn't have a sweet tooth so no cake, chocs etc for him. I'm a bit unsure about sending him with alcohol. He plays a lot of rugby so he is used to some fairly wild nights out and knows (so far, fingers crossed) how to handle booze. But sending him with a bottle of spirits just smacks of encouraging the drinking culture too much when there'll be so much going on already, especially in Freshers' week. Think I might crack though and put some cider and lager (his favourite tipples) in the car.

Not sure what cushions can do that pillows can't, though did wonder about a big floor cushion or pouffe (how I love that word) for visitors.

Have been putting condoms in his bag since he started going to festivals/on holiday with mates. I always let him do his unpacking as I can never bring myself to look and see if the box has been used ....

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2015 12:41

I waved off dh and ds3 this morning - on their way to Aberdeen. I would have liked to have gone, but ds2 is away this weekend, so I have to dog sit - and anyway, there was no room left in the car, once we'd got all his stuff in.

Bless him, he'd packed so efficiently that he had no clean boxers left to wear today! He'd planned his outfit for the day meticulously - so he makes a good impression when he gets there - but hadn't considered the need for underfugs.

I did him a care package of food basics - things like herbs and spices, pasta, tinned tomatoes, teabags, washing tablets, loo roll etc - and he chose (on purpose) Tesco value chilli - less chilli con carne and more chilli con donkey, I feel - but he is happy with it so who am I to argue. I didn't think of sending him with food or cake for friend-making purposes - have I failed as a mum?

Savagebeauty · 05/09/2015 12:58

I have never made a cake in my life SDT and am not about to start now.Grin
I have a full biscuit tin for her, 2 bottles of red wine and a bottle of vodka

Fairenuff · 05/09/2015 13:12

Dd doesn't drink much, she might take a couple of bottles of pear cider but she's not likely to join the drinking/clubbing crowd. More of a tea and biscuits girl.

SDT gone already? Shock How are you feeling?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2015 13:18

A bit sad, to be honest, Fairenuff - ds1 left home to start his first post-grad job last Sunday, ds2 is back to university next week, and ds3 is the last one to go - it feels a bit as if this is the last time I will be mum fulltime - I know it's not, and they will still need me, but they are all semi-detached now, and will carry on detaching further - so I need to find out what I do next. Maybe an OU course?

But I am also very proud of them all - they've worked hard at school, and all three got unconditional offers for their Uni courses - and I like to think that at least some of that is down to our parenting.

I'm also a bit jealous - it's such an exciting time for them - flying the nest, trying out their wings, having a first go at independence, in a fairly safe environment - plus just being at university, with all those tutors and lecturers who want to share their knowledge with you. So many new experiences - and not a whole lot of responsibility (apart from feeding yourself, having clean clothes and studying).

Fairenuff · 05/09/2015 13:35

I'm finding it quite a reflective time too SDT even though I still have a younger one at home full time. As you say, it's exciting and sad at the same time. We're going to be a blubbing mess on this thread in two weeks' time Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2015 14:34

I was a blubbing mess when ds1 drove off last Sunday, but I am managing not to blub today.

I've just spoken to dh, and he and ds3 are unpacking as much as they can, and trying to get his room sorted out before dh heads home again. I bet ds3 can't wait for him to leave, so he can start partying!!

Decorhate · 05/09/2015 14:39

circular I'll be surprised if dd sees her BF more than once or twice all term. They will be at different unis hours apart. He is going to one of those where you are not supposed to leave in term time. She's not keen on going to him due to hurt over missing her place there!

mumslife · 05/09/2015 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MossAgate · 05/09/2015 16:30

Totally exhausted and it looks like we are moving house due to the amount of boxes.

Oldest has gone back. Sad

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2015 16:33

Arghhh - I thought I had managed not to blub - and then I blubber like a baby at something really ridiculous on TV (Adam Hills Happyism - why the hell did that make me cry, apart from the fact that he is just so lovely). ConfusedSad

Savagebeauty · 05/09/2015 16:57

This makes me a bit choked.

Preparing for Uni in 2015
bigbluebus · 05/09/2015 17:00

Took DS shopping for supplies yesterday (he hates shopping) and he insisted on putting a 6 pack of beers and a bottle of wine in to share with flat mates on arrival. He's not good at the social side of things but finds it easier after a drink - just hope he doesn't down the lot himself Hmm. He hasn't been given a flat number/block yet so hasn't been able to find out who he will be sharing with.

He is getting very snappy, partly I think, due to my constant questionning about whether or not he has completed various tasks - but without the nagging, nothing will get done. 2 weeks to go and counting. I am very apprehensive about the whole thing as DS has ASD and has not really been away from home by himself before - except school trips where he had support. But going to a Uni a long way from home was his choice and I don't want to rain on his parade but it will definitely be a case of make or break and we'll be here to pick up the pieces if it all goes pair shaped. Sad

cathyandclaire · 05/09/2015 17:12

Oh Savage that started me off again :( I heard "Slipping through my fingers" on the radio today and was a blubbering wreck. We've got a month 'til DD1 goes to uni and so the preparations are gently chugging along. DD2 however is off to boarding school tomorrow and we have everything in a half-packed mess. She is excited but I don't feel ready for her to leave at all and am struggling to keep my game face on, I bought some Percy Pigs for her treat box and nearly blubbed at the M and S checkout!

Savagebeauty · 05/09/2015 17:34

Dd getting restless and bored.
It's her birthday next week so there's that to look forward to.

Horsemad · 05/09/2015 17:51

Bedroom here looks like a hurricane has blitzed through. Shock Bags of shopping everywhere. I've got some boxes at work, so will bring them home and get him packing I think.

Original poster
circular · 05/09/2015 19:50

DD stressed, tired and getting nothing done. Fed up of constantly nagging, and DD2 starting to notice too now, and whinges about getting less attention.
Was OK up till this weekend, but BF and a couple of friends go a week before her and finally hitting home that everything's changing.
As far as BF goes, they won't be that far apart, but neither are exactly organised, so some effort needed.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 05/09/2015 20:59

It must be a stage they all go through before they leave...stressed, grumpy, restless, bored, tearful, excited nervous. There's a whole range of emotions there, isn't there?
Smile

Haffdonga · 05/09/2015 21:12

All preparation (or even discussion about it) here has ground to a halt. DS has gone down with a mega lurgy. Sad Hoping he picks up in time for Freshers Week. (Non stop partying since finishing A levels has probably not helped his immune system)

LapsedPacifist · 05/09/2015 21:14

Oh dear. DS apparently got his accommodation (room number) confirmation through yesterday, along with form to book arrival slot. He didn't inform me of this until an hour ago Hmm in spite of my constant nagging to keep checking his email for confirmation details so we could book a convenient slot So naturally, the only slot left on Saturday was 5.00pm.

DH has just kicked off about this big time - we have planned for him to drive down (in our tiny car) with all DS's gubbins while DS and I take the train. DH is now catastrophising about rush-hour traffic, driving back in the dark (OH FFS!) and I anticipate a massive guilt-tripping of DS to make him feel like shit for not sorting this out sooner. DS is already terribly anxious, he has Ulcerative Colitis as well as ASD and I'm desperate to keep everything as calm and positive as possible for him over the next fortnight to prevent a flare up.

Feel like crying. I am so sick, stressed out and tired of being the only person who is keeping on top of all these arrangements. DH has had nothing whatsoever to do with DS's 7 open day visits, his uni application, student finance, DSA application and assessment, accommodation etc except create huge dramas out of nothing and make everything all about HIM. He lets me make all the arrangements and then complains bitterly about them.

Horsemad · 05/09/2015 21:17

Just had the use condoms/not leaving people in vulnerable situations/how to put someone in recovery position etc, etc convo with DS.
He hasn't gone out much with his friend in the past, he much prefers to sit home gaming, but want him prepared for whatever.

He just laughed nervously but I'd had a few drinks so was not being fobbed off! Grin I did it whilst he was drying up so had a captive audience, lol lol!

AtiaoftheJulii · 05/09/2015 22:01

Rush hour traffic on a Saturday? (Er, no.) Can you drive home so your dh doesn't have to do both ways? How do you normally calm your dh down? (Mine is similar. Bloody frustrating.)

It could well be best for your son - he doesn't have to hang around all day waiting for people to arrive and repeating hellos, he can arrive to a welcoming group and get intros done and dusted in one go.

You have my sympathy, hope things go ok x

PUGaLUGS · 05/09/2015 22:01

Oh Lapsed that must be really tough for DS. DH suffered with UC for a very long time (now has an ileo anal pouch) so I know how hard it must be for him. Does he have stuff like physillium (sp) husk to take? Does he have coping strategies?

Horsemad I have had the chat already about safe sex but he laughed (not in a cruel way) and said he is unlikely to meet anyone as he is shy... But I will talk to him about vulnerable situations.

voilets · 05/09/2015 22:10

Poor you Lapsed pacifist. I know how much goes into getting a student ready particularly if they need DSA. Try to convince your Dh to lay off moaning. Need support at home.

We're probably going to same uni - arrival slots came up yesterday and I found it online only to not know my DH's car reg no, was at work, So DS and DD were madly trying to find car paperwork. Phew! We managed it.

I can't leave too much for Ds to pick up on - he's avoiding looking at emails too much as he is nervous to think about uni. But a timetable came through and he did look - daunted him a bit - big timetable for Eng. I think once he is there he'll get by but doesn't want anticipatory nerves to kick in big time so avoids.

He met an old peer who is in Year 2 on another course and he encouraged my Ds ( told him his course is really popular) and they'll meet there so that is nice.
2 weeks !!! Yikes.

Chillywhippet · 05/09/2015 22:17

Lapsed - hope things get a bit calmer soon. It's so hard if you are trying to do all the "smoothing".

DH said "HOW MUCH?" when I said how much he needed to pay into DD's account by the end of the week. As you can imagine the figure was arrived at by lots of calculations, taking into account how much someone on maximum grant would get etc and many conversations over the last few months. Apparently it was news to him today... Sigh

DD has had a lovely summer at festivals, spending any money she's earned. She just had a small tax rebate. Great, I thought, a bit of a cushion. She's been looking on groupon for a shortbreak deal to treat boyfriend for his birthday. We've just had a discussion. It did not go well. Financial control she called it. i told her DH and I have delayed booking a break until we see how the finances all stack up. She's gone to bed. She's tired, a bit unwell and emotional.

And breathe.