This was one of the first message boards I read on the "empti ness" syndrome and I thank you all for helping me in small ways. I read, I took some advice, and I tried to overcome it. I think I did largely, but it took me waking up to what was really disturbing me, after much discussion and even fearing depression when I spoke to my doctor, so I thought I'd pass it on. What really bothered me was the tears, the hopeless feeling and the physically pain of losing my son to university and it felt pretty stupid since he was coming home on weekends. I went to a very dark place inside and couldn't understand why, when I was actually very proud and happy for him coming out of his shell so to speak.
The truth is the sick feeling was MINE. FEAR and Fear Alone...the belief that my future was non existent, and the fact that I had allowed my son to become my support system as an at home Mom. Not a good thing for him or me, but it was convenient at the time. My husband was busy with work, travelled quite a bit, and my sons had picked up the slack when it came to my emotional well being, crutch, and confidante. And I'm sure my husband was reasonably content too with being "off the hook" for various girlie parts of my life, like home renovations, decor and family issues.
I realize all this now and have talked to my husband about how this came about, and we're determined to rekindle all the things we enjoyed. The sick feeling is gone largely. I still feel scared for me personally and how I will fill the days when my second son leaves, but I have a year now to prepare for all the things I have privately wished I had time for and my husband and I are pondering how to encourage them to visit lots. We've always been close as a family and I feel much better now knowing that my son will move forward into adulthood without the constraint of a weepy clingy mother I was on the verge of becoming. He can now move forward into adulthood with our help a bit on the way.