DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

Thanks for all the suggestions- I am employed as it happens, but part time rather than full time which is fine with a family at home but I was thinking now that I'm an empty nester, it would be nice to be full time.
Oddly enough simply asking the question helped me think of the answer and motivate me- i have had a lovely day finishing some housework, going to the art gallery and to an academic dissertation and seeing DS!

funny, so good to hear that you are using your time as you wish.
I'm finding it a little harder because it's both!
My DH is too techy to even sit through so many things that I would enjoy but I have enticed him to go to Chichester with me (CFT).

harbinger I agree it does seem harder when it is both. I have to avoid the temptation of what I am beginning to term the 'running after syndrome' i e because they are not at home I think of things they have 'forgotton' or need or excuses to stalk their photos and actually it doesn't wash: they haven't forgotten, they don't need, they are perfectly well and happy and stalking is simply stalking.
I am trying to regroup: in theory this is the age when its OK to dye my hair purple, but I don't want to dye my hair purple , though did have a lovely time being made over at Bobbi Browns in Fenwicks the other day....Oh the luxury of not having to feel guilty about buying my own make up! [hsmile]

Is your DH feeling strange too? My sis and her DH are feeling odd without their two and a bit guilty that they aren't enough for each other without the DC just yet.[hconfused]

sounds ghastly -definitely move out especially if you are renting

Sorry. Could you let the rental agents know? If not, where would you move to? putney, belsize pk, pinner, lots of nice places ...or a village near Oxford! or France somewhere?

funny DH is feeling their absence as well. I knew well in advance that everything would change. It really hit him after DD2 left (week after DD1). Quite upset for a man!
Have been actively planning things for each weekend so far.

Sorry,got interrupted. I threw a real anguished wobbler about two weeks before they went. It must have got it out of my system as I've just got on with things since.
I too seem to be assessing/regrouping. I feel that I should have a new direction for my time etc but just can't think of what yet! I won't be dyeing my hair purple either. There seems to be plenty of voluntary work but..... Then when I think of retraining....in what. Could do another job but then I'd feel guilty about taking it away from somebody that needs it. I'd only be doing it for social reasons. Ho Hum

We both found skype really useful when DD1 was in Seville and kept in touch very regularly.
It seems different now as they are both young women forging their own way in life. We are still needed-DH gets urgent calls when something goes wonky with their laptops and I still have to advise about washing machines or food!
All of us have now entered different phases of our lives.
They are keeping in touch very well IMO and I am proud that they are coping.

This sound awful but I was really put off charity work after Cameron unveiled his proposals for society to be propped up by volunteers to plug the gaps he was about to create in the public sector.
I think its really important for a society which collects taxes to use those to sustain a basic infrastructure for all.

Also in some countries charities like Oxfam etc use funds to provide very well paid employment to a few key managers and are notorious for not passing funds on for services for those who need them.

The charities I find really useful are those such as age concern, home start, multiple birth foundation, which really help at the interface between people and professionals.

Anyway harbinger and beteguese I hope ypu find good charities to be involved with. The multiple birth foundation were looking for sensible mums. DD sent a lovely video of her room and great photos of matriculation and is recovering from freshers flu nicely.

I'm mainly doing anxiety and telling myself that not everyone is cut out for studying and exams .
Though how you get a job without exams /evidence that you're prepared to make the effort to make the most of your intelligence ,I can't imagine .

gingeroots I am not great at this but I have heard that one is supposed to put knowledge, skills, and achievements in the c/v

Apparently a common mistake is to put too much about knowledge and not enough about the (transferable) skills which resulted in x achievements.

Anyway a good strategy is to go through the person spec and write the c/v so it demonstrates how you fulfill it. Supposedly. There is probably loads on this in the job section. I'm not doing anxiety, I am doing ostrich imitations.

Good morning! Your DS is well, then, thats good, and the belt sound fab Betelguese.
My DD sent me a little video she made of her room - it was a lovely thought. She said she went to college orchestra which I am pleased about, and likes and gets on well with her tutorial partner-they did the extra reading the tutor suggested and he was very pleased apparently. She has flu though so I had to suggest she sees the university GP I hope the waiting isnt too long.

Thanks funny and Betelguese for responding to my usual misery posting with helpful advice .
DS's lack of achievment is ,I'm sure ,due to a mixture of reasons .
But his school does feature amongst those ,as ,of course ,do I . And him .

He does need encouragement ,also a taste of the relationship between effort and success.
I'm not really sure that I have the skills to encourage him in the right way , I'm conscious that I've not done well to date and I'm not sure how to change .

Maybe more ostrich and less worry [ smile ]

Like the sound of belt buckle Betelguese !

What is your DS not achieving gingeroots?