DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

[rustybear]

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

My husband has never been a great communicator. Since our daughters both started Uni in Sept 10 and we have been on our own alot - it has highlighted the problem. The house feels very silent now and i'm sure he is depressed ans really misses our 2nd daughter in particular as he is VERY close to her.

This was made worse recently by the fact that she has just started seeing someone at Uni. Are their any men out there that have experienced this and can give me a few tips of how to deal with this? He is lucky enough to be able to pick and choose the work he does and does not need to work fulltime, but he is choosing to hang around the house alot more now on the computer or watching daytime Tv and I can't get him to snap out of it !!!

Hi! I am new to mumsnet- just found it when looking for "empty nest" on the computer. My daughter hasn't even left yet but plans to do so in September. It is something I have been dreading for years and can't believe we are nearly there. When I was eighteen I couldn't wait to leave home but now it is hard to be the one left behind!
My daughter has three university offers and awaiting one interview result. That one is much closer to home but the place she likes the best is the furthest away!
Phoenix09, my husband sounds very similar to yours. How are you getting on now?
How is everyone else doing as the end of the school year is coming closer and university decisions are being made?

Hi Jacinth123 DD2 is off to university this year (hopefully!) and am dreading it as she is such good company to have around. I know I'm going to miss her, it just leaves us with DS(14) at home. I have been through it before so I know that the first term is the worst but once you get through that its ok and they do come home again. DD1 is in her second year at university and is home at the moment for Easter so our house is very noisy at the moment!

DD1 is spending a year in America so I'm not sure what that will feel like because she will be very far away - she will be home for Christmas though so I imagine January will be very quiet when both the girls go away again.

DS3 off to uni in sept (hopefully). Will feel v strange with no babies at home anymore. DS1 has a job from beginning of August (if he passes his finals), so will really be leaving home this time. Feel quite sad about it, but obv very happy for him.

Hi Rusty! I saw on another thread that your DD from the OP is about to graduate! Will she return home or does she have a job lined up?

DD had an internship this holiday so we only saw he for a few days. She went back today as had a supervision this pm. (DS is taking his Hogwarts GCSE's next month too).

Has your DS left the nest for good now too?

DD now has four offers but still hasn't yet made up her mind. I have to try to be as objective as I can and not worry if she is going to pick the furthest away! The latest offer could involve living at home but it probably isn't the best thing for her to do as she wants her independence.
I am looking into some volunteer work at the moment so I won't spend my time just wondering what she is doing. She is away this weekend doing sports at one of the northern university towns she may go to.
Hope everyone else is enjoying the sunshine and holidays.

Milliways - I've only just seen your last post - hope you're still around!

It was actually DS I started the thread about, he was the first to go - he's been out two years now, but hasn't yet got a permanent job - lots of internships, both paid & unpaid, the latest one he got on a recommendation from a previous 'employer', which is a good sign, I think. He's trying to get into publishing, which isn't easy at the best of times, even worse at the moment.

DD has just finished her Psychology degree at Exeter - in fact her results came out half an hour ago - she got a 2:1 which she's very pleased with. She's now looking for a job which will allow her to do a day-release course in counselling - she wants to work with problem teenagers (she's had a lot of experience already, as she's probably been out with most of them in this area.... )

I was posting at the beginning of this thread in 2006 when DS1 was going into his second year at university. Since then he's graduated, worked for two years, earned enough to keep himself and pay the fees for an MSc and is now completing that ... so hopefully he'll be off to another job in the autumn.
Now DS1 has just finished his first year at university, and if he takes a year out in business, I will still have a student DC at university until summer 2014.
I think I must be a student removals expert after moving them up and down the country and from student house to student house for the last 6 years.

Yes, lilymaid, I remember - it was you that advised chocolate cake and vodka for getting to know people - definitely worked for both my two!

Thhought I just posted this but I can't find it! Have literally just waved goodbye to DS1 (makes me cry just typing that). He starts his job on Monday and is moving to a lovely house with three friends. I am very happy for him - just sad at the end of an era. Tried really hard not to cry in front of him ;) We have his graduation on Wednesday to look forward to, so I know I will see him soon and he has been away at uni for 5 years for heavens sake! Always knew he was coming home in the hols though. DS2 finished uni for summer yesterday thankfully. DS3 interrailing for a month at the mo, and hopefully will start uni in September (really empty nest then though....).

I was here a year ago, really worried that DD was having panic attacks and hating university and barely getting in contact with me when she first went. A year on, she has really enjoyed herself, loved being independent (how she does it I don't know as she lives in chaos at home and doesn't leave her bed), and has met some good friends who she is moving in with.

I know it doesn't work out so well for others, but I am so relieved. I was in a terrible state when she left home and seemed to be failing to enjoy herself at all, but it all changed so quickly. Her new boyfriend spent his first week in his room, miserable as sin, but is now loving it too. So far, so good.

Eek!! Results day is fast approaching and hopefully my only child will be off to Uni in Sept. Any tips? need to keep happy, smiley for her as its so exciting, but feel sick to my stomach at the thought of her leaving home. Where did all that time go....?

I have been there twice, D1 24 went to uni a few years ago, She was in Cardiff which is our home city so we still saw her quite a bit, She's now 24 and married which was much harder than her going to uni as she was suddenly making a new family but it was fine, DD2 is going into her 3rd year in September, She came home regularly in the first year but now has a job in Kingston so has stayed up there, She's really enjoyed being at uni and has made lots of friends, i worried about her at first as she was 3 hours drive away from us and also she wasn't very good with money, But she surprised us budgeted much beter thn we thought she would and keeps in contact with usm When she went I tried not to text or phone her every day, noe we talk on the phone about once a week occansinly in can go to 2 weeks but we text in between times, I also keep in touch with DD1 the same as DD2, I still have DD3 at home.

Thanks mumeeee sounds like the transition is not going to be as bad as I envisage, as you've survived it twice over. Is it perhaps worse though that she's an only child? Think our house is going to be awfully quiet!!

You will find the house very quiet at first. Try and do something for yourself once she had gone. EG go out for a meal,meet up with friends. Also try and have a good day with you DD the day before she goes. When DD2 went we had a celebration dinner the evening before she went. Not because we were celebrating getting rid of her. But celebrating new beginnings for her,

Are you taking her to her Halls. DH and I went with both DD1 and 2. We. settle them in helped them do a last minute shop do that they had some food and in DD2's case went round the town with her and had some lunch. Then we said goodbye and left them to unpack. I dud cry when U left them particularly with DD2 as she was so far away from us. Bur ad I said before I got used to it.

Just thought I'd bump this thread for those celebrating with their DC today!
It's just coming up to it's 5th anniversary and still being revived from time to time!

My mum is going to be living alone for the first time in her 34 years of motherhood when my youngest DB goes to Cardiff next month. She's twice-divorced and has a 'companion' who she keeps at arm's length. She lives 30 miles away in the depths of the countryside.

I'm really for her; motherhood has been her life and she's loved it. I'm also really proud of the way she's facing up to it with plans for more work (she's self-employed) and solo walking breaks. She has my DD for a couple of days and a night each week too, which she loves.

It's going to be a big change though, thank goodness for long uni hols!

Has anyone experienced their two DCs going off at once? Am very busy now but how will I feel in mid October?

My SIL's two eldest both went at once - the older one took a gap year, the second, a year younger, didn't. To make it worse, they live in Rutland and one of the boys went to Guildford and the other to Newcastle, so they had to get to opposite ends of the country on the same day!

Where are your two going - hope they are near each other, or at least in the same direction!

Thankfully not the same weekend,so no logistics problem.

Feel sorry for your SIL, must be about 4 hours in each direction,do like Rutland though. Lived there for several years,just love it.

Just back from taking DS2 back to Leeds. Two more weeks then DS3 off to Sheffield. Really empty nest then :0

dd off to sheffield in a few weeks
we're supposed ot be there by3pm on the 17th..5 hr drive
have to ds 8yrs with me so we are staying in hotel and driving back next morning
do I stay and help her unpack or leave her to it
don't want to be in the way

GGIRL - I stayed for an hour or so to help set up room then left them to it. I know Sheffield have a drop in centre for parents on the 17th(and probably 18th) too. Not had that before with the other two. With the last two they took a pack of small beers and wedged their room door open - soon had quite a crowd, who all arranged to meet in the common room later, so at least we knew they had somewhere to go when we had left. What is your DD studying?

thanks have ds with me so an hr sounds good., dd studying french and economics.
What's your ds doing?

DS3 is doing History and German. Was choosing his modules last night - v exciting