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Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

999 replies

mrsrhodgilbert · 28/11/2013 15:33

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

OP posts:
madeofkent · 15/12/2013 21:53

Mumeee is right, it is an achievement to have made an independent confident adult, even if we do miss them.

DalmationDots · 15/12/2013 23:39

I agree, whether the time has already come, came a few years ago or they are still wobbly- it is inevitable that they are growing up and gaining their own lives. They are making the most of the opportunities out there.
Sad for us, but wonderful for them.
You never truly loose them, there are times things go wrong and they come running back and other times they are out there thriving.
DD has some holidays she is desperate and so ready to come home for a break, others she is out there and seems to give no thought to home/us!
We are in some ways lucky to live in a vibrant town with lots to do and DC have stayed very much in touch with school friends so are often keen to come back to see them, if not to be home with me!!

MABS · 16/12/2013 07:47

No failure at all... don't say that! how you doing now notso? mine still driving me mad and now ill, so I suppose I should be pleased she home for tlc....ish.

Chlorinella · 16/12/2013 13:42

DS went away skiing on Friday ( when they broke up for Christmas )
We've had a text , so we know he's arrived .
He's hoping to travel home to us on Saturday 21st .
He's a bit worried about getting to Paddington on the tube with his luggage , and then it's 4 hours here . At least he can catch up on some sleep !

MABS · 16/12/2013 16:00

dd has glandular fever :(

hoboken · 16/12/2013 16:08

mrsrhod - so sorry to hear this.

DD had difficulties finding someone to share with this time last year. She is now sharing with a guy who is a close friend. They are like brother and sister and it works extremely well. They did not finalise their intention to share (DD had difficulties with the group she was originally supposed to share with) until after Easter.

Notsoskinnyminny · 16/12/2013 18:21

MABS poor DD, at least she's home, you'd be worried sick if she was in halls.

The bag finally moved but she does have her uses - she's walked the dog, taken in a couple of parcels and she's helping out at the school Christmas treat tomorrow although I'm not looking forward to getting her out of the house at 7.40. The TVs stuck on trashy channels, pinky & perky music is on all the time and I've got no conditioner left, its like she's never been away!

mumblechum1 · 16/12/2013 18:50

MABS hope your dd gets better soon. It will be nice to be there for her, mopping her brow etc.

We collected DS last night, it's lovely to see him but he is definitely "visiting us" rather than "home". He' s sooo happy in Liverpool and has made so many new friends it's great to see, as he was desperately unhappy in Sixth Form. DH and I go to Marrakech on 27th so DS will go back to Lpool then, I think.

12 days is a nice length of time; not so long that you start getting sick of each other ;-)

JellicleCat · 16/12/2013 22:15

Hope your dd feels better soon MABS.

MABS · 17/12/2013 12:36

thanks all, not sue there is much mopping going on! but she does seem pretty rough :(

mumeeee · 17/12/2013 13:55

Hope your DD feels better soon MABS. Glandular fever takes a lot out of you. At least she is home and doesn't have uni to cope with at the moment.

madeofkent · 17/12/2013 15:28

I hope she gets over it in time to go back, poor girl - and poor you.

Feeling a bit despondent, DS wants to come back a day later. The flat have decided that they need a deep-clean, and to have a night out together. Which is a good thing as far as his relationship with them is concerned, but leaves us not only a bit flat, but also very short of time to turn him and possessions around before we go away.

mumeeee · 20/12/2013 18:23

Hi everyone are all your DCs home now? DD3 got home late last night DH picked her up from the station at 12.15. I was at Mums (she has Parkinson's) looking after her so didn't see DD3 until today. She has past 2 of her modules/subjects which is good just waiting for programming to have the final mark so doesn''t know about that yet. She does 3 different modules next term, She is not going back until 11th January and doesn't have any exams then as they were all done this term. So she can actually relax now.

goinggetstough · 20/12/2013 18:37

I am slightly envious of your DD mumee as my DS has three exams in January. So he has already started revising. He could do with a good break but hey ho that's not to be. Congratulations to your DD for passing 2 modules and I hope she is successful with the third one.
I am never sure whether it is better to do exams before Christmas when you are tired etc or after Christmas so you have to revise during the holidays.

madeofkent · 21/12/2013 02:09

Mine is still working, he has to come home tomorrow as we need to turn his clothes around and sort out computer stuff before we go away on Monday, but we shall be having to stop off on our way up so that he can hand in printed coursework, end of semester work that he had until mid January to do but he will be away ski-ing then. No exam, just a very long essay for each module that he is doing. He decided that he couldn't bear to have it hanging over his head and to just keep going, and he says that some of them are going to stay until Christmas out of the way. I had no idea that would happen. The musicians have finished way after everyone else because they had to give presentations of their compositions and a concert. I had hoped that we would be invited, apparently not. Maybe next term.

MABS · 21/12/2013 10:22

well done to her mummee, mine doesn't have any Jan exams, just as well given how poorly she still is.

mumeeee · 21/12/2013 12:49

Hope your DD feels better soon,glad she hasn't got any exams in January. DD3 had a couple of exams in the last week. She also had assignments to get in one was a big one for programming she had got very stressed. about this (she also had the added stress of her Grandads funeral) , But did get everything finished and in on time. I"m glad she can just relax for the next three weeks she actually looks so much calmer than she did the last time I saw her.

JellicleCat · 21/12/2013 13:39

DD is home tomorrow, I can't wait. I have been looking at photos of her and her friends on Facebook of them all dressed up for a big night out last night. Boys in suits and ties and girls in nice dresses. They scrubbed up well!Xmas Grin

madeofkent · 21/12/2013 14:15

DS is home, DBH picked him up early to avoid all the shopping and traffic congestion. He is outside now in his den putting all his computer stuff back together so that he can finish all his assignments before Christmas, I can't believe how much work he has, and he says that a few people have dropped out of the course already. He's certainly getting his money's worth though and next semester's course looks even tougher.

Getting back to mrsrhods post at the top of the page, he says that here doesn't feel so 'Home' to him now. Sad But then he did say that quite a few kids who were boarders at his school thought of school as their home, I wonder if their parents knew. He is full of plans and exciting things to do next semester, scuba diving, advanced driving course, riding, tank driving... he has so many new friends there and has found a few old ones too from past schools, just by bumping into them at bars and clubs.

On the minus side, the flatmate he likes best has never received his student accommodation loan so is having to leave and find somehere cheaper, he will miss him hugely and he will be living on the other side of the city. He has had to get a job that is virtually full time to fund the rest of his course so cannot now go home for Christmas, DS says he is gutted. He has found someone to take over his room, I hope he is as sensible as him. I would love to know what went wrong, I suppose we shall never find out.

Also the steadiest girl flatmate disappeared a few weeks ago and has not returned, the rugby bully is going around like a bear with a sore head because his girlfriend did indeed dump him and the last cleaning day left just two of them doing the work of five as the other girl (oven cleaner extraordinaire) went home ill.

JellicleCat · 22/12/2013 18:10

DD finally home, full of tales of the big union bash (8pm till 8am, but they only survived till 5.30), Christmas dinner in the flat for the 5 flatmates and 2 honorary flatmates and they even did a secret Santa in the flat. I think she was more than a little hungover after the all-nighter, but seems well and happy. I'm just really, really glad she is back.

I hope everyone enjoys Christmas with their returning nestlings.

fussychica · 23/12/2013 11:55

DS finally home after an awful journey to Stansted airport - return not so bad. Just glad I'm not travelling today! Good luck to any that are.
Lovely having home but am sick of the Xbox already!

MABS · 23/12/2013 13:28

Happy Christmas to you all x

Original poster
mrsrhodgilbert · 23/12/2013 17:45

Merry Christmas everyone, hope your students are all safely gathered in now.

Dd is very much on an emotional roller coaster even now she's been home for over a week. I'm really struggling to help but I want to thank all of you who have affected advice and understanding since September. I have no idea what the New Year will bring.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsrhodgilbert · 23/12/2013 17:45

Offered advice, sorry.

OP posts:
fussychica · 24/12/2013 10:04

Hope things improve over the next week or two mrsrhod.
Best wishes to you all, especially those still struggling. Hopefully the New Year will bring better times.