EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Dd has texted last 3 days saying she misses us so much suddenly as we so far away in oz :( we are back Thursday and I won't be at all surprised if she gets on plane Friday to come home for w/e....

Awww MABS that's sweet.

It IS soooooo far away isn't it & I guess she has just realised how much she would miss you if you were that far away permanently.

They do take us & our presence for granted a tad I think & it doesn't hurt that they suddenly start appreciating us a but more.

A quick trip home might be on the cards for her just for that vital Mum-hug. (& you too!)

Have a good last few days!

Thanks all. We do need to persuade her to stay for the weekends. Until Christmas though, she has got herself a job at home so will have to come back at least for that. Once study week is excluded there aren't actually that many weekends left. I'll have to get it into her head that from January things will have to change.

I think crippling shyness is causing all this. She had been invited to a Halloween party tomorrow by a course friend in the halls next door. She says she might go but will not go round town with them afterwards. It's as if she is putting a limit on the fun she is prepared to have.

At weekends most people she knows do go home, even if just for one night. Maybe when it gets colder and darker that will stop. I'm not quite sure what a bit of tough love will do, I am certainly getting fed up with the time I am spending thinking and worrying about it all though. What I'm trying to avoid is shouting at her to grow up. Nor do I want to say she must keep all this worry to herself as that could make her ill.

Very difficult mrsrhod,dd says hardly anyone goes home much so she doesn't actually think about the distance.... Missmarple, not sure she will come actually! Just had a txt to saying she 'remembered' she has a big essay to submit Monday so we will see. And yes, oz is a bloody long way :)

We are going to see DS tomorrow ( up on Wednesday , overnight in hotel and back Thursday )
It will be good to see him face to face , we haven't seen him since we dropped him off for Freshers week .

Still reading all the threads, and "ooh-ing" and groaning to myself. It's like being on a roller coaster, lots of good news, but with some dips along the way.
My friend's DS who left his course and returned home found the socialising very difficult. In the end I think he was just too lonely and stressed to stay.

We are going to visit DS on Saturday, just a quick overnight visit and we will probably only see him for a few hours in the evening as he has a match on Sunday morning.
But I'm still very excited.

My daughter is paying us an overnight visit on Sunday. I can't wait. Full Sunday roast will be in the offing that evening, I think. Reading/study week is the following week, and she will be going back because she says she has lots to do.

I hope I don't blub when I say goodbye to her again, though I think I am feeling a bit stronger this time.

We are going to visit Dd over the weekend,haven't seen her since she started .
Seems like a long time since she left home.Can't wait to see her.

I'm feeling so envious of all those who are seeing their DC. I wasn't expecting to see my DS until Christmas (we're a long way away) but it looks like I'll be making a trip towards the end of November so I'll call in and see him. It's definitely a roller coaster, sometimes he seems OK sometimes not. Can't help thinking the gap year he'd planned might have been a good thing.

Didn't speak to dd at all yesterday and she didn't answer my texts so I was a little concerned, although dd2 admitted late last night that they had been texting so at least we knew she was alive! Had a couple more unanswered texts this morning and then finally a reply to say she had done really well in an assessment this morning and basically she has been busy working, exercising and being with her 2 nice flat mates. Tonight they're all going to the Halloween party together. I think I need to stop worrying so much.

mrsR it is always difficult to stop worrying..... The skill is being able to do it without them knowing too much. It sounds great if your DD is busy with work and very importantly friends. Getting a good mark will boost her confidence too.
We went through this last year with our DC and my one tip would be don't initiate emails but always reply to those sent. That way we felt our DC was in control but they knew that we were here if they needed us. Of course occasionally we would send the first email if we had something important to tell them but not emails asking if they were ok. It was hard to start off with as of course if you didn't hear from them one day it made you wonder why!
Fingers crossed she has turned a corner.

We're off to visit dd1 this weekend - feels like a long time since we've seen her. She's looking forward to being taken out for lots and lots to eat, I think!

Picking up DD tomorrow for a couple of days. I lift my hat to her, she has found part time work in TK maxx, seems to be coping well with everything. Two days of pampering begins tomorrow, however she is only coming back because friends from other uni's want a halloween night out together, not to see mum.

mrsrhod what a rollercoaster you are having, she sounds like shes getting stuck in and less reliant on you though :) it is hard to stop worrying, I felt like I was always waiting for the next upset/wobble. I think it was maybe even harder for me because while she was feeling OK and enjoying herself I was at home not knowing why she wasn't texting me or wondering if this was her 'settled' or just the calm before another storm!
So difficult, but just enjoy the times she is happy and take it one day at a time. I too, like goinggetstough tried to stop with the 'are you ok?' texts and let her initiate or, if I did have something to say or hadn't heard from her for a few days, would ask 'how are you?' I think it helped to set a happier tone and not suggest to her I was expecting things to be rubbish.

Hope everyone enjoys seeing their DC this weekend. I am very excited. My DD is home because of reading week. Just here til Monday though as she is a third year so has lots of dissertation work to go back do. What fun.

stephrick bet it is secretly to see mum

I mean in my first post even harder for me than my DD, not than you/other mothers!!

mrsrhod it sounds like things are finally clicking into place for DD.

I'm resisting the urge to phone DD but its hard and we've only had one brief chat since last week but she sounded upbeat. DH texted her today and they were texting for over an hour but he said she's still very 'woe is me' and 'I'm a sad loner'. DS's friend is attending a lecture on Saturday and he's going to meet up with her afterwards. They've always got on really well his mum taught her in YR and says she's the only girl he's allowed to marry so hopefully he'll cheer her up.

Oh I think we all get the problem of unanswered texts/messages. I try to take it that she is busy etc. I did begin trying to send fewer, but with her lost bag, phone and other things this week it turned into quite a lot again, and as she currently has no phone I have to inbox her via FB. At least on FB you can see when the last message was viewed, even if a response is not forthcoming for a while.

MrsR, I think it does sound as if your daughter is settling, so good news.

Notso, I am sure that is hard if she sounds down in her texts. It can be hard to tell from a text though. I hope the visit from the friend gives her a boost at the weekend.

Mrsrhod sounds like your DD is beginning to settle into uni life which is good, DD3 is dreadful for answering texts and quite often doesn't answer phone calls either. I texted her on Monday to ask if she was okay in the stormy weather. I eventually got an answer on Tuesday morning. She did say sorry though and she hadn't seen the text until late on Monday night. Hope your DD is happier soon notsoskinny it must be very worrying for you.

My ds came home Thursday and was meant to go back Sunday evening. Yesterday lunchtime he was still here and I had to force him to teh station. he loves the course and the people he has met but hates Bournemouth

very positive to read MrsR :) dd off to Halloween party tonight then flying home for w/e tmro apparently...

Yes, the failure to answer messages does irk me a bit too. A quick answer to a direct question wouldn't hurt them would it?

My daughter will get a temporary phone soon while she waits to replace the lost one. My sister is taking her to get that, but I only found that one out because my sister told me. I have been messaging my daughter via FB that I will need things like the number if she wants a bit of credit from me, and we are helping out with all of her other stuff, still pay her phone contract each month etc., yet she doesn't seem to "get" the need to keep me in the loop at all (I guess parents are still uncool at the age of 18). Grrrrr.

Still massively looking forward to seeing her on Sunday night though, and will swap what info we need then, if not before.

goldenyears how is your boy getting on, we haven't heard from you in a while?

Dd went to the party last night and said it was a bit awkward at first, but it got better and she was pleased she went.

mrsrhod that's brilliant news

Fab news Mrs Rhod, she sounds like she is getting the hang of it, so difficult to switch off the worry gene isn't it?

Just spent 40 minutes on SKYPE with both DD's helping DD1 sort out her Hallowe'en costume -she's going to the Hallowe'en Ball with the Harry Potter Society & made a stunning Bellatrix Lestrange!!!