EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Funnily enough, I had to stop myself writing James Martin yesterday when re-addressing some post for her.

She did just send me a nice, if short, inbox message on Facebook. She is fine, but loads going on and overtired with all the party lifestyle and now lectures.

Actually, my husband's labelling of it as Jack Daniels may be quite apt, as these are students we are talking about.

Yes Topsey it was a relief, She''s 21 but because of her difficulties she's more a few years behind and is more like a younger teenager. She thought the other students would be younger than, In fact her flat is a mixture of ages including 19 and 20 year olds and one of the students on her course is 24. Missmarples I'm just about getting used to the peace and. a full fridge. I can always find cheese now.

DB took DS out for a meal tonight, and to do some shopping, as he had to work nearby today. He said that he looks very well, was very happy and when they took the shopping up to the flat they were shot at as they opened the door by a dozen maniacs with foam bullet guns, and at least four different types of music were being played from rooms all with the doors jammed open. DS said it was a quiet night. I think DS would like it to be a bit quieter, but on the whole he loves it. He had hoped that his joining OTC would get him out of the flat's Tuesday night drinking session at their favourite club, but they kindly waited for him to get back and shower! So after his one full day of tutorials, followed by OTC, he then had a night on the tiles and had to go shopping for his father's birthday present this morning. Serves him right for not telling them he needed an early night! I can't believe it, he used to dislike alcohol.

I'm just so jealous, I wish I had been able to see him too. I had to look for some bits in his room the other day and I still hate going in there. I do feel much better about it and am loving not having to do so much cooking or shopping, DH and I are going away this weekend without wondering if anything will go wrong while we are away, the electricity bill must be halved and the milk seems to last for weeks, but still...

Yes funnily enough my cheese is lasting longer too, and yoghurts & milk!!

Just checking in to keep on threads I'm on
Had a chat with DS on iMessage last night , he was having pizza for dinner , not going out as he can't afford it ( welcome to my world !!!)
Seems chirpy , but pleased we'll be seeing him in a couple of weeks .

His accommodation is similar to what has been liked up thread . 6 single ensuite rooms , sharing a kitchen / diner / lounge room .
The only thing he doesn't like so much is that his room is ground floor , right next to the main entrance , so can be a bit noisy .

Get him some ear-plugs Chlorinella!

Good to hear he is chirpy!

Had a couple of messages from my daughter yesterday. Very happy and busy. Finding that she will have to start watching the pennies now that freshers is over, but hey-ho, that is life. Been there for years myself and got many t-shirts. She is tired after the first couple of weeks, but happy.

She went to see my sister last Saturday, who lives just a 20 minute drive from the campus (we live about 2.5 hours away). My sister picked her up in the morning and dropped her back in the evening so that she could go out to yet another party, and reports that my girl is on really good form, coping with her work, loving her new freedom and enjoying her new friends.

I am proud of her.

As for life at home here, yes, fridge full for longer (a bit, as still have two younger girls), washing machine on a little less. I miss her, but I am getting better at this.

There are lovely reassuring posters who tell you that things will get better, and at first you feel so bad that you can't believe that you will ever get over the pain. I suppose it gets a little less with each parting. My daughter and her family stay for a week at a time and so I miss her horribly once she has gone, but I hate the thought of them all moving in with me even more!

As for money - well, I think I have mentioned it on here before but the OTC is funding DS's social life. They actually pay him to turn up one evening a week and have some exercise, with two weekends away, all expenses paid, per term - also paid for. I know it's not everyone's idea of a good time but if your DC is at all sporty they have a wonderful time. Where he is going to store all the kit I have no idea, in that little room, but hey - that's no longer my problem!

I'm laughing at the full fridges because mine is now the opposite. DS stayed at home when he was in uni and I needed a milk lake and cheese mountain as he lived on cheese toasties, cereal and hot chocolate when he was studying. Now he's working we have to be out of the house for 7.30 to get him to the station so I grab a sachet of porrige and he gets some toast from the greasy spoon near his office. For the first few weeks I was throwing out mouldy bread so stopped buying it and 2l of milk now lasts all week.

Poor DD's idea of a snack is 2 slices of dry bread must be warburtons and complained there was nothing to eat when she got home on Tuesday. To make matters worse I'm running the freezers down for Christmas so we're having mystery meals of unidentifiable meat most nights and we'd eaten all the things she likes

Slightly OT but anyone in the NW must try the crumpet bread from Greenhalgh's, they're a Wigan firm but they've opened a branch nearby. Its not good for the waistline but very comforting when needed!

DD wants to drop out and re apply for next academic year. Talking about going to local uni and saving up with a job to fund moving into a hAdvice on whether this is a sensible move?

Context - Dd (20) worked for a charity for her gap year, now says her priorities have changes as she has learnt so much about herself. Wants to train in mental health nursing rather than pursue academic degree. Don't want her to limit her options as she is very bright (AAA at a level) but also want her to be happy and act on her new gained life experience.

Please ignore previous message! Trying to get used to iphone!! Here is correct message -

DD wants to drop out and re apply for next academic year. Talking about going to local uni and saving up with a job to fund moving into a house with close friends back home. (they work full time.) Advice on whether this is a sensible move?

Context - Dd (20) worked for a charity for her gap year, now says her priorities have changes as she has learnt so much about herself. Wants to train in mental health nursing rather than pursue academic degree. Don't want her to limit her options as she is very bright (AAA at a level) but also want her to be happy and act on her new gained life experience

Initially thought this was all borne out of severe homesickness first two weeks but must grudgingly admit that she is throwing herself into uni, enjoying it - societies, good friends, hard work - just feels that place and course are wrong.

Also must add DD is doing a stellar job at recovering from anorexia and depression. A very brave young woman. She also feels that she is at a "make or break" point in finally making leaps of progress in her 3 year battle against this eating disorder and wants to be closer to home and her support system. Am so proud of her for eating with flatmates, auditioning for plays and giving her current course a fair go!!! Considering circumstances.

Decision must be made by December if she is to begin nursing training in sept 2014. Is this too soon to know? Is it a rational decision? Gut squirms against thought of her "dropping out" but maybe for the best...

That's a tough one, but i think she must know if it is wrong for her. My daughter dropped out after a term and a half, she had been doing a business with business law course. It was a blow for everyone in different ways, but she came home and got a job for a while and then went back again. This time she is she doing purely law, so has another three years to go out of six but is so much happier. Not everyone knows exactly what they want to be when they grow up. I still don't. If I had my way I would make all kids go out and get menial jobs, then send them to Uni at 25. I think it would make them far keener to get on and work hard in order to not have to pull pints/wait at tables/stack shelves.

Maybe your daughter needed to see the uni life/any different life in order to clear her thoughts. My daughter has always wanted to defend people who have been wrongfully dismissed, which was where the business part came in, but she went around what she wanted to do the wrong way.

catnamedjoe I think you should try and avoid seeing in negatively, yes it is a bit of a false start and wasted few months, but at the same time I bet she has got a lot from it, confidence from settling so well in all areas but her course and she seems to be clear in her thoughts that she does really know what she wants to do.
Would she consider a psychology or counselling type degree to make use of her obvious academic talent?
If she is sure mental health nursing is her passion and what she is certain about, then I really think it is the best way. Just because she has higher grades than necessary, it doesn't mean she is putting them to waste. I'm sure she will turn out a bloody good nurse and no doubt will be promoted and move up the ranks quickly, especially with her own personal experiences and achievements overcoming her difficulties. It is great she is so sure, and I wouldn't hold her back.
She is young, if a few years down the line she wants to train as something else or go back and do a masters degree, then it is fine, doors are never closed.
My DD chose a course with lower grades than she achieved, it is still great and completely perfect for her. She nearly did a psychology degree but ended up choosing something more specialised. Best decision she ever made and I am so glad she ignored school pushing her to apply for psychology and followed her own path instead. She has just landed a far better graduate job, and more suited job to her interests, than she ever would with a psych degree and is thriving.

Brilliant feedback ladies. Thank you so much!

DD will be coming home late tonight about 11.30 as its her friends birthday. Their other friend is coming home too. She says she is out with them Saturday and going back Sunday . So no time for us, but mum I will bring some washing for you to do for me.
At least she using the train I suppose. I moaned to a friend who says she always drives her DD back as it's the only time she gets to speak to her.

I imagine it must be very hard if they do drop out, but there are times for all of us when you do have to try something first before you know for sure whether it is right or wrong for you I suppose.

Perhaps if she does drop out now and re-apply for another course next year then she could spend the intervening months trying to get some work experience/volunteering in the type of area she is thinking of for a nursing career.

By the way, does anyone with DCs at Warwick know whether or not there are storage facilities anywhere for them to put their stuff during the holiday?

Some of the halls are term time lets only, although they do go back to the same room the next term. It is just that the rent does not cover the holidays. Jack Martin is run on this basis.

Do we have to cart the whole lot back and forth three times a year? There was so much of it.

Confused there. I did suggest my daughter could enquire, but she hardly seems to have any time at the moment and I don't want to interfere by doing it for her.

TopseyT - I think there is some storage.

I am pondering how to go about making discreet enquiries. Not sure whether or not my daughter will get around to it.

I am guessing there might be a cost, so we will see. It just seems a hassle to bring all the boxes on boxes of stuff bacwards and forwards like a yo-yo, not to mention the fuel costs.

We don't mind collecting our daughter, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice if she could travel with just her clothes and dirty laundry for mum in a suitcase.

dn did mental health nursing for her degree and then a masters and probably something else too as she now teaches the undergraduates and she is still not yet 30. I think if your dd really has a direction in mind you should support her in her efforts to follow it.

Topseyt, it's very unlikely that Warwick offers storage for students' possessions over the vacation. Space is at a premium on most campuses, and there'd be all sorts of issues to do with risk and liability. You could ring the accommodation office and ask them - no need to tell them whose parent you are! Alternatively, you could look into storage facilities nearby - precisely because most campuses don't offer storage, the private sector has leapt in to fill the void.

I guess it is unlikely, though might just make a discreet inquiry. I see there are one or two possible facilities nearby, but I guess if we drive to get her anyway then we may as well bring her stuff back.

She says she has fresher's flu now. I hope that she makes herself some hot chocolate (I gave her sachets), takes some paracetamol and goes to bed. Do you think there is any chance new students might do that??

I think at this point, a lot of freshers have taken to having the occasional early night! A lot of them look like death warmed up, poor things, and "freshers flu" is a good excuse for taking it easy for a few days. Plus the pace of their course work is starting to speed up and they need to put some effort into keeping up with reading etc!

Yup, maybe they are starting to realise that eating and sleeping properly are also important.

They are all susceptible to freshers flu about now. They are suddenly mixing with a huge number of new people, lots of late nights, partying etc. in addition to the lectures. My daughter said in her message that she just wants to finish her dinner and then go to bed for 16 hours, hoping that no-one in her hall takes to running up and down the corridors in the small hours.

I think that if she is tired enough she will sleep anyway.

I things are catching up on them now. DD3 looked very tired when we saw her last week and she says she has ben ill.
I find that she's very bad at answering texts but I think she has a lot of work on at the moment.