EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

DS1 is on his way home for the weekend. I have made his favourite dinner and will feed him up the next two days. Hoping to take him to see Jesus Christ Superstar too if we can sort out timings. I'm so excited to see him it's been a roller coaster of a month emotionally for so many reasons and it will be so good to hug my beautiful boy.

Hope those still struggling find their feet soon.

So good to hear the good news stories.
ISS hope your DS is feeling better son. Is he able to cope with stairs?

DS has joined the American football society, like madeofkent's DS I think it's as much to do with the regular exercise as anything else. We aren't due to see DS till late November, but I'm wondering if me and dd could whizz up for an overnight stop at half term, will go check out local B&Bs.

I now have an empty nest having taken DS to Uni in September. He is doing just fine but said last weekend everyone was seeing family but we were too far away. I said his sister or grandparents were not too far away but he said but it's not mum or dad....we are thousands of miles away in Asia. So I want to say please go see your DC or have them home if they ask. I am sad I can't.

Thanks for the good wishes Ds is ok - he managed to get to his lecture this morning on crutches and I have promised him a chocolate cake!

Hope everyone has a good weekend - especially those planning to see their sons and daughters. Big hugs all round!

We've booked a hotel to go and see DS , the Wed / Thurs of our half term ( DD still in school )
He's happy living away from us , and though we miss him , I'm glad he's taken this next step in his life
On a shallow note , I like saying " oh yes my sons at Uni now "

DS joined the American Football team too , haven't heard any more about that ...

Where's he studying chlorinella?

He's in Greenwich ( and were in deep dark rural Wales )

Bit if a difference then! I know which I'd prefer, but then I'm not a teenager!

Is he enjoying city life?

A bit too much

Thankfully mine has decided enough is enough. I have just found out that his sister was getting messages asking for hangover remedies. He has a 7am start tomorrow for OTC, that'll larn him if he goes out tonight. He did say he was going to have an early night, we shall see.

CherryLip I am so sorry yours is so far away, I think we had a very narrow escape and life would have been very hard for all of us if he had gone to his original choice. I take back all the rude things I ever said about fb too, it is a wonderful way for all the family to continue to tease him and stay in touch on a daily basis. Although we haven't seen any photos because grandma is a 'friend'. A big mistake he made when he first opened an account and now he is regretting it.

DH and I are having a good weekend with DD3 in Bolton. Got up ridiculously early yesterday to catch 6,50 am train and were in Bolton at 11am. DD3 happy but looking very tired. We spent some time in her flat before heading our for lunch. I was very impressed that they had a cleaning Rota for the kitchen. She went back to halls after lunch to tidy the kitchen and her room and do some work. We checked in at our hotel and rested as very tired. Met up with her at 6.30. DH sorted some stuff out on her laptop. Then went out for tea not many places to eat in Bolton town centre we ended up at a Wetherspoons food still good though. We are heading into Manchester with her later today before heading home this evening.

Hope everyone seeing their DCs this weekend has a lovely time together.

Update on DD - she's decided she's going to try and stay in the flat but we've come up with some coping strategies. She's booked train tickets for the next 4 weekends to go out with societies she's joined and meet-ups with some of her internet friends. She's going to go out with the flat if they go to the pub but use the train fares as an excuse to go home if they're going on to a club and she's going to contact local primary schools to see if she can go and do some voluntary work the days she doesn't have lectures.

She's coming home again the middle of next week mainly because I told her I was going to blitz her room at half term and she's terrified of what I'll throw out but it also coincides with the birthday of the flatmate she doesn't get on with so she's got an excuse not to go clubbing. DH thinks she should stay but I never want to see her as distressed again as she was when I picked her up earlier in the week.

Thank you to everyone who PM'd me. I told DD about this thread and how supportive it was and she said she felt better knowing she's not the only one finding it hard but fingers crossed things will get better from now on.

Judging by the quantity of waifs and strays who come to DS's flat's kitchen to prepare and eat their food I suspect that quite a high percentage are finding things tough. The flay now operate an open door policy during the day, just locking their individual doors. Welcoming but sensible I suppose. Glad you are having a nice weekend, mumeeee. This is my first 'normal' weekend with no Ds and no social obligations, and I have to admit that it was nice to be able to wander around doing as we pleased with no time constraints or anyone else to think of. The rot has set in finally, I no longer miss DS as much as I did. I suspect I shall still get 'moments' though. Well, I know I will. Particularly after long xmas and summer holidays.

Well I just got back from 2 weeks holiday, out of the country, to find out that DD doesn't like her course at all and has asked to change courses. While I am disappointed that she didn't like her course I am quite proud that she e-mailed her advisor, put forward a good argument to back up her case and got an agreement to let her change.
She has swapped from English & American Literature to Philosophy. she texted me to let me know she will be home next weekend and put the course change as an aside at the end of the message

We delivered dd back yesterday afternoon after 2 nights at home. She had a birthday meal out with friends here on Saturday night, I think it helps to see her friends from home. It makes her remember she is capable of making some while she endures her lonely life away. But she was very sad again when we left, she just seems to feel she has nothing to look forward to there.

However she did message later to say very absent flat mate was there when she got in and they spent a few hours together and cooked dinner. Then one of the others became ill and I last heard from her at about 11 in A&E having been advised to call an ambulance. She and another flat mate accompanied her in the ambulance. Dd2 had a text from her at 1am saying they were still there, no news yet this morning so I don't know what happened although I'm suspecting appendicitis. I am quite amazed at how many dc on here seem to have visited the local hospital already.

MrsRhod glad to hear your DD had a nice time at home, but sorry about the ongoing sadness about uni friend (or lack of). Very similar story still with my DD, who went to Newcastle for the w/e to see a school friend and realised how great it was to be happy and carefree with someone she could talk to easily - is still finding her way with friends at uni, although seems grimly determined to keep trying. She also has a terrible sore throat, so that doesn't help. And yes, they are always in hospitals -- DD1 clocked up 3 A&E visits in one week, helping a friend who had a bad asthma attack, a flatmate who hit his head on the loo while being sick after drinking, and an old schoolfriend who came out in a weird rash (impetigo), but thankfully no emergency for herself.

glad to hear she had a good w/e and how impressive that your dd changed course minsmum etc , very mature and organised. dd still very happy, but her best mate dropped out of Loughborough ystdy after just a few weeks :(

So the ill girl turned out to be constipated and dd got to bed at 3am. I didn't disturb her until about 2pm, not knowing what time she had got to bed or any details of what had happened. Turns out she had been up since 9 but hadn't thought to ring. Does this mean she is turning into a student, just a little bit? At least I heard her laughing on the phone.

mrsrhod your DD is still doing so well and seems so determined. 2 years ago DD was still feeling lost as to who her friends are but in the next few weeks things began to click. Hope the same is for your DD.

DD still texts often throughout the day, some days lots other days I hear nothing all day or just one text in the evening. It doesn't seem to reflect how she is feeling or how settled she is, just how busy she is. While for some DC them texting or calling is a sign of being settled, for others it isn't and however settled they are they will always want to be in contact with you on a daily basis. Just a warning not to over analyse too much, I definitely did!
Hope her not calling for all that time means she was busy and feeling settled though, at least things will hopefully feel more familiar and she will feel less lost now.

I visited DD this weekend, was very strange that it will be one of our last weekend visits (only 1 more next term probably). I always go once in the autumn and once in the spring term, it is lovely for both of us to have a break from reality. Strange how grown up DD is, thinking back to her in first year when she spent the whole visit dreading me leaving! She admitted to feeling slightly sad at me leaving, she still is a big home lover, but she is also very much settled and loving her life at uni.

They do get there, but it is important to remember not everyone loves uni 24/7. It is just good to aim for a stage where she is confident and secure with her friendships, not lonely and settled. Even if they are still counting down the weeks until Christmas in 3rd year!!

Mrsrhod! Definitely student behaviour...

Thanks Mabs I was shocked that she could manage that on her own. On the other hand she has texted 3 times and phoned once since we got back yesterday. So is maybe missing us more than she thought she would.

Glad we're all getting used to them being away & them being more independant!

In the end I didn't go & see DD as she was going yo be doing various things.

Her kitchen crowd were all playing "pictionary" on Saturday she said, a few beers were had ( by those who grink) & much hilarity ensued!!

Will probably go over in half term when her sister is off.

Mrshod your DD is doing well. Glad she was able to help the ill girl. Sounds like she is turning into a student and I'm sure she'll make some good friends soon. Minsmum your DD was very sesensible and mature to sort out a change of course. DD3 is very bad at answering texts and I get nervous if she hasn't answered all day. That's because she's Dyspraxic,very disorganised and is good at losing things. Well she was when she was at home. She is trying hard to get organised and look after her things, I'm gradually learning to get less nervous and to trust her not to lose things. She has grown up a lot in the 4 weeks she"s been away.

Spoke to dd early this morning, they had a fire drill at 7.30 so were all rudely woken. She was hoping for a lie in after her hospital experience the night before, it could have been worse though.

Dalmation, thank you again for your words of comfort. I particularly understand what you mean about your daughter spending your visits dreading the moment you leave her. That was definitely happening on Sunday when we shopped in her university city before dropping her off at halls again.

She has accepted a very few invitations to go back to people's flats after lectures but had not really reciprocated. I thnk she fears rejection. She has two free days now, although she has plenty of work to do, she needs to make an effort to see people. But if I suggest maybe trying to ask if someone fancies a coffee or a walk into the shops etc she gets quite defensive and I just know she won't ask. I know I need to stop making suggestions but I can't stand to think of her being lonely when I'm sure she doesn't have to be. You can lead a horse to water and all that...

Thank you to everyone else for your encouragement. Whilst I'm sorry to hear that some others are still unsettled it gives me hope.

mrsrhod I'm sure she'll find her way,the leaving them to sort themselves outlark, its so difficult isn't it? My DD is a bit shy of new friendships, & is keeping very much to herself when in her room it seems. BUT the communal kitchen is their common room too so she HAS to talk to folks even when making a cuppa, there is usually someone around so I think barriers are being broken down.

She is also talking about things she is doing with her fellow course students, so I can see she might develop 2 different circles of friends but at the moment she is hovering on the edge & just enjoying being amongst new folks.

Has your DD spoken mutch about her fellow course students?