EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Notso, oh that must have been quite a shock for you and I feel very bad for your daughter. Why the need to be openly hostile to someone, they might be a clever bunch but that doesn't make them decent people. Sounds like bullying doesn't it. Has she decided what she wants to do?

It is dds 20th birthday today, I'm going to wake her shortly. She has no lectures but is going back for a meeting about helping out behind the scenes in the upcoming drama production. It's totally not her thing but shes getting desperate. Two girls from her flat said they would go along too, I am bit sceptical that they'll turn up based on past form. So far no one has said they will do something with her tonight to celebrate so she has asked if she can come home again rather than spend the evening alone. Maybe when she is back later someone will agree to do something but she is getting fed up, I really can't blame her.

Oh dear JGBmum so soon? Poor chap hop he finds what he wants to do.

Which Uni is/was he at?

Hope all the wobbly DC's have a better week xx (& mothers!)

I have been absent for a few days - home has been a sick bay for the last couple of days with dh and dd both poorly! I am so sorry that some are still struggling. Flat mate issues are particularly horrible - there really is no need for bullying tactics.

I hate the fact that some of the offspring are having such a hard time right now. I really hope that as the term moves on they start getting into a routine that will help.

Jelli and Mumeeee so pleased your DCs have settled in well.

Had a good talk last night, DH is worried the dynamics of any flat she moves to will alreafy be established and she will be 'the girl who moved because she was ....'.

She's got a society day out on Saturday and I've suggested she asks the manager to ask the other students struggling if they'd like to meet up on Sunday.

She's a strange thing, she describes herself as socially awkward but thinks nothing of flying to France and Japan by herself for auditions. She's finding the lack of conversation in the flat hard, everyone sits in the communal area watching the boys on the PS3, but she doesn't want to look antisocial going to her room.

She's determined to carry on and I think I'll just let her come home whenever it gets too much for her and hope she finds some nice friends soon.

Being a cruel mum I've left her a list of chores!

Notso, I think that's pretty much how my daughter is feeling. There is no sense of flat sharing going on, hardly any conversation and only then if a couple of people happen to be in the kitchen together. I think she would feel awkward moving elsewhere now, unless she actually gets to know people first.

I still think its early enough for the university to be putting on events to try to getvpeopl together. Even if tutors in small seminars did a few minutes of everyone introduce themselves, it would surely help with the interaction if they knew each other a bit, it's done in business and its not hard.

I think we just have to do as you say, let them get on with it as much as they can and welcome them back when they need a break from it.

MrsRhod, hope DD has a lovely birthday

yes, happy birthday to her :)

Happy birthday MrsRhod's dd.

Anyone else unwittingly keep setting the table for one too many?

Saw my old neighbour in town today who we lived next door to when ds1 was born and she helped me out a lot as our dp are 100+ miles away, told her dp had gone off to uni and then burst into tears - hadn't intended to at all. Guess its an off day.

Yes happy birthday to mrs Rhods DD

((eat)) had one of those days on Sunday just creeps up on you doesn't it?

Happy Birthday RG'S dd!

Ds still saying things good but am suspicious as girl he met at the interview life and soul type has been his mate from day one ad she hates it and is leaving. He has phoned home more this week and is coming back next week for 4 days. Looking forward to it so much but won't over indulge him as want him to go back!

Good morning all. Mrshod did your DD have a good birthday yesterday? I got a text from DD3 this morning at 7am just to say she got my text. I sent that text yesterday evening so it would have been good to have an answer yesterday. Oh well she's probably to busy to thunk about her Mum

eatyourveg and MMB I would love to know when those days that creep up on you finally end, as my MIL still sobs whenever we have been to stay with her and her beloved sons leave. The first time we stayed with them I was distraught and convinced that she must be dying of something and was too scared to tell us, until DBH whispered in my ear that she had been doing it for the past 20 years ever since he had gone away to boarding school! Am determined that my children will never see me doing that. Monday was my last involuntary weep, and this morning I woke up without my son being the first thing on my mind so I think I am doing pretty well, and I have decided not to contact him in any way, shape or form for a couple of days and see how I cope. He of course will be fine.

I think it's very apparent that although we think of going off to uni for study purposes as the most important thing, actually the social side is just as necessary for survival and some people are just better at networking earlier on than others, who have to learn it painfully as they grow up. My son was very awkward and diffident at school so was determined to reinvent himself and have a fresh start this time around. I was surprised when looking through his facebook past (stalker that I have become) to see that he had been voted the most paranoid in his year. So while others are struggling initially, I am holding my breath and hoping that he can keep up his newly sociable persona.

Hello all and thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I have been at the hairdressers having my grey covered, there was probably more than usual. I did try to post last night but the penis dunking thread seemed to have brought the site to a stand still!

Last night dd texted to say she was going to watch a film in her room with nice flat mate and flat mate who has always been in her school friends flat in another building. They seem to have spent time in the kitchen together cooking and eating and in a quick text this morning she said they watched 2 girly films and ate chocolate. So she was not alone on her birthday and hopefully they did some bonding. I am desperately hoping if she phones later that she will sound happy and this will now continue.

I can't believe it's taken 3 weeks to get to this point and I am probably as anxious as her for it to have been a good night for all of them.

madeofkent not 20 years please!!!

I'm fine when I know he is having a good time but when he sends a text to say can you ring, my heart just sinks because I know he's lonely and I really don't know what to say other than try to keep busy and it will get easier.

Thursday today thankfully which means the whole house are off to a jazz club in the East End (so glad he gets on with the 4 girls he shares with) he says its like something out of midnight in Paris - just up his street so he's determined to make it a weekly thing.

I've just realised when DD is home for the first time(for her paternal grans 80th) is 4 weeks away & I'm having a rare trip away for the w/e to a friends wedding.

AIBU to think of suggesting I pop over this w/e to take her out for lunch/the day if she isn't busy?

Might be my only free w/e for a while & I have loads of housework I should be doing so any excuse so it would be nice but am aware its as much for me as her!!!

Missmarples I'm sure your DD would love to see you. I would suggest it and see what she says. DH and I are going up to Bolton to see DD3 tomorrow we are staying over night in a hotel near her. I'm really looking forward to seeing her.

having seen dd unexpectedly last w/e as you all know, I would say go see her! mine has settled back after seeing us very well

Go for it! Especially as you won't see her next month when she comes home.

I'm sure your DD will love to see you. Try and make the goodbye quick if she is wobbly.
It can really help your DC if they can show you their new city and feel proud of it. Make sure you show that you are impressed and proud that they are there, I remember many years ago my parents visited and moaned about how grotty the streets new my halls were and talked about how much nicer our hometown was. I felt really rubbish!

I just have this feeling she is doing OK but putting a brave face on it ( or am I reading too much into it!)

I might suss out what she is doing first this w/e & then surprise her!

We're going to see ds on Sunday. He's only half an hour away so it's not exactly an epic trip! He has requested his bike and has decided he really does need his own printer in his room so we will take those and then go and get some lunch. I can't wait to have a proper conversation with him. We text quite a lot and have had a few brief phone conversations but they always seem a bit inadequate.

Ah well that was an interesting evening. Ds has joined the rowing club and went to their circuit training last night. He twisted his knee badly - couldn't weight bear and was in a lot of pain so dd and I went and took him to A&E. Very late night for all concerned!

Oh no ISS! My nephew broke his leg during fresher's and the first my sister knew of it was when she saw the photo on another nephew's fb page, I bet he was so pleased you were there with him.

DS phoned this morning at 8am, I was in a panic when I saw the number and thought he must be ill! Up so early! But he just wanted his NHI number and Drs details because of the OTC club he has joined in an attempt to get in some regular exercise. Also how to find out how to calculate his BMI, so I sent him off to wake up any weight-conscious girls he knew. It's definitely true that he only phones when he needs something. I knew that would happen but still...

MMB do go, DS is very happy but loves the thought of us going over from time to time. He has admitted to that much. DBH has to go over there for work next week so will take him out for a meal in the evening. When I asked him how often he thought reasonable, he said about once a month would probably be ok next year, but until then he would be very happy with once a fortnight. I am just so thankful that his uni started this course this year, otherwise he would have been hours and two plane rides away.

This thread has been very helpful to him as well as to me. When he has had slight wobbles I tell him about what your DCs are going through and he realises that things could be far worse, especially after one of the girls bought home some new 'friends' and they trashed the flat and security had to be fetched. As a section of the (modular, thank heavens) sofa had to be replaced I presume a portion of that will be added to the rent bill...