EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

eatyourveg the office was only open at the weekend when everyone was moving in, now its just 9-5 Mon-Fri.

Satinsandals she did fill out a questionnaire and asked for a mixed flat as she thought an all girls flat could be too bitchy. She never mentioned her hearing problems as she copes really well and got through 6th form without anyone knowing.

Just skyped DS for first time. Ashen face, hollow cheeks, dark circles, monotone voice, barely holding it together. He hates it there and is desperate to leave. Think he had cheered up a smidgen by the end of the conversation but it is all very difficult.

Oh golden I don't know what to suggest for you or your ds. I went to church for the first time in aaaaaages this morning and said a prayer for everyone here. Just know that I am thinking of you.

i too don't know what to say Golden :(

golden did your DS join any clubs at the Freshers Fair this weekend? I hope so as he may find some more like minded people. My DS is not a fan of alcohol and freshers week either.

Oh golden no advice but wanted to send you a big virtual hug x

It's so sad to hear of DCs who aren't happy. My son looked dreadful on Friday night, he was so tired and had the fresher's bug. He is still finding all the partying and drinking hard to get used to but he is determined to fit in. It was also a shock to see him with a bit of a beer belly after only two weeks. Considereing he only used to drink a half pint about once a month and the rest of the time had J20s when he was out, I was quite impressed when he owned up to around 6 or 7 pints a night when he went out. He has had enough though, he wants earlier nights (can you believe he used to go upstairs for an hour's read at 9pm on school nights!) and a detox and no beer belly. I can't see him entirely convincing all the others, but he has taken board games, xbox controls for multiple players and a large gaming comuter back with him in an effortt to get the others to stay in more. Poor DBH is probably wiring it all up right this minute.

We had big hugs when he left and he asked if we would bring him back in a month's time. He even owned up to missing us.

Couldn't tell him about the poor girl dying though.

goldenyears - you are doing a great job supporting your ds. I know some say that in the old days there were only letters and payphones and they just had to get on with it. I was at uni a long time ago and very homesick. Just about got through, but would have been so helped by being able to see and talk to my Mum. Have had some tearful Skypes from dd - it is so heart-breaking if they are having a really bad time.

Trouble is when you are homesick and not sure of yourself, someone letting you down has a far worse effect than it would if you were at home and confident. You start thinking it is because you are at fault in some way, because you are feeling vulnerable. And that makes it all worse.

Think if he hates it that much, he will have to think of a viable alternative. Coming home when all his friends have gone away with no job or anything to do might make him feel even worse.

You are doing a great job. Hugs.

Oh, thank you all so much for your advice and understanding!

We have told him that he must hang in there as he hasn't even been there two weeks. He has worked so hard at putting himself out there - he even went to the Freshers' sports fair yesterday (I nearly fell off my chair when he told me that) and might do something not too strenuous. He has signed up for three clubs so far and is desperate for them to start up. We keep telling him he will meet like-minded people there. I just hope he does! Apparently there is a room with a drum kit somewhere so we have suggested he find that and see if he can book sessions. Having a bash on the kit will do him the world of good and, hopefully, someone might like what they hear! I have suggested he do some volunteering as he would kill many birds with that one particular stone. I checked on their website and he can enrol online so that shouldn't be too difficult.

It really does feel like one step forward, two steps back. He says he finds every single day an ordeal and he even hates the course. (I think this view is tainted by his unhappiness.) This is something he has wanted to do for years and he does it well. I just don't want him to throw it away but, on the other hand, I don't want him to end up a nervous wreck. He has thought of another possible career path (rather out of the blue, but the poor creature is desperate). We have not dismissed this possibility but have suggested he carry on with his current course and look into how he could embark on second option. The awful thing is, it looks like he would probably need a degree for this one as well.... and if he did come home he would indeed be rather friendless as they have pretty much all gone away.

Thank you all once again. I see it is now after 6 so I can allow myself a large glass of Rioja.

Rioja sounds good!

I received a text from ds tonight announcing disaster ... he has run out of all biscuits, cookies and chocolate. However all is not lost - I have reminded him that he has the ingredients to make flapjack! [Grin]

This is such a supportive thread

It's early days. I hope everyone's DC settle down OK. The drinking/partying/clubbing side of things does seem a bit OTT My DS tried to go clubbing a few times prior to going to Uni but as he doesn't like music, dancing or drinking it really wasn't for him. I think he went to Uni knowing that freshers wasn't going to be his thing. He seems to have found like minded friends - they drink a bit.

I think my son is ok. He says he is enjoying it but I wonder if he would be too proud to say if he wasn't. IYSWIM He seems very excited about his course.

Here's hoping the new week and end of freshers gives everyone a chance to settle, and for new friendships to begin.

I admire these DC who are finding it tough. I really hope that their resilience pays off soon, they are such a credit to you, that they are sticking with it through a pretty grim start.

Good luck to all x

Have had a quick name change .
So sad to hear that some DC are still finding things difficult .
DS very happy still , on Skype to DH now , having spent his day doing his laundry.

He's as bolshy and argumentative as ever not missing that at all

Does anyone know the dates of the Uni " half term " I know it's not called that , but I believe they get a weeks break ?

Just got a phone call from one of DD3's friends. Apparently DD3 has fallen of her chair and was confused and feeling sick so thrive called an ambulance. Her friend says she is talking to them now but they were worried about her before so they thought they should get an ambulance. I'm glad she's got. friends looking out for her but it's worrying when DH and I are so far away. Her friend gave me her number so I can phone her back later.

Some but not all unis or courses have a reading week around the same time as the October half term, I'm pretty sure that DD3 isn't having one.

chlorinella I think you are referring to reading week. Not all universities have one, neither of my DCs did.

Thanks for the quick replies . If he doesn't come here , wel'll go there !

Mummee - hope your dd is feeling better. Have they taken her to the hospital?

Thinking if you all, but especially Mabbs and Goldenyears. You're both doing a great job - in your different circumstances.

I'm very thankful that my dd has settled in and seems to have found some lovely people - it's post of the beauty odd being on a small campus where they're doing similar courses I think.

Going to visit at the weekend as my eldest ds us home for a couple of weeks (he lives abroad) and they wanted to see eachother. So far all she'd like us to bring is some carpet cleaner for the black face paint on the carpet!

JGBMum thanks. Don't know yet if they're taken her to hospital the girls were waiting for the ambulance when her friend rang, I'm going to phone in a minute to find out what's happening

It must be so worrying. Hopefully she'll be feeling much better. x

I finally found this sanctuary
My DS has been gone a week, he sounds OK, he met some lovely like minded people who like him love a good drink and a laugh it is me who is still finding it very hard, every time I venture into his empty room all clean and tidy I get choked up, I have been very tearful all week to the point it is starting to worry me now, anyway I have booked doc's appointment for tomorrow morning, so I will take it from there.
Plan is to go and see him next weekend and to take some bits and pieces he forgot along with some home cooked food, we will spend night up there with him, I can't wait, I miss him so terribly.

Oops sorry Mumeee - meant to ask how your dd was. Great that she's got a sensible friend!

Crisis over. Ambulance didn't end up going to her, Paramedics phoned her friend about 40 minutes after they had been called and asked how she was and what her symptoms were. DD3's friend told them she was much better so Paramadics decided she didn"t need an ambulance but asked them to keep an eye on her, Her friends have told her to keep her door unlocked tonight so they can check up on her. I've spoken to DD3 she said she was ok but feeling slightly weird,

I meant to say thanks all. Thinking of those whose DC are finding things difficult at the moment and hoping that things will start getting better. It's early days still and it is a very big step going off to uni,