EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

MABS I hope your daughter was ok today.

mrsrhodgilbert I sent DS a parcel yesterday with some sweets and his toothpaste. I sent him off with a home-made first-aid box so he has fizzy vitamines, strepsils etc. Thanks for your suggestions.

I can't stop thinking about that poor girl and her family and those poor children who witnessed it.

Me too. We went to meet DS tonight for a meal for my birthday and he asked to come home for a weekend. After hearing about that poor girl I hugged him so tightly that I nearly killed him anyway. He is shattered because his flat has become Party Central. He loves it but needs a break from the noise and sheer volume of activity. Also one of the girls, 21 yrs old, met three new friends and brought them home one night and they trashed their kitchen and sitting room and DS thinks they stole some things from the girl's room as well. They are all in shock after that and have set up house rules, some for themselves and some for their visitors.

DS already looks older. It's incredible. I refused to go up to his room but DH came down looking stunned. I feared the worst. 'It's immaculate' he said.

she called us 2.30am , we talked for couple hours, she not in good state :(

Oh MABS I am so sorry to hear that.

Just had text from mine asking if there were any alternatives to university. He says he is really trying but he makes arrangements then gets let down. He was supposed to get a lift with someone today to get provisions and then a vital piece of equipment for Monday, then she texted to say she had gone without him. He is now setting off on his own.

Dd will be on a plane home at 7pm tonight, flying back to Newcastle 7am Monday morning. all arranged :)

Oh MABS I hope your dd feels better after her whirlwind visit home.

Haven't heard from dd since last Sunday. I'm hoping it's because she is just enjoying everything.

hope so too Jellicat, you will hear if there is a worry, this proves that! she has been loving it til this.

Oh MABs hope your DD is better after her visit home. She must feel awful but I'm sure she'll feel supported from you and alI her family. My FIL died when DD2 was in her 2nd term. We got a very tearful phone call in the middle of one night asking if she could come home the next day. This was before the funeral or anything had been arranged, She was so pleased when we said of course she could. She was homesick aswell as grieving for her grandfather, Anyway she felt much better after a short while at home. I'm sure your DD will be the same.

thanks mummee

I think 24 hours at home is probably a good idea under the circumstances MABS. I do hope she is ok. Give her a hug from all of us!

thanks all :)

oh MABS ......how dreadful for all concerned. A flying visit (pun intended) is just what you both need xx

Your poor dd mabs, hope she's ok. My ds phoned last weekend but hasn't replied to two text messages I've sent him this week so not sure what to do...

Mabs, how sad for your dd and her friends. Such a dreadful loss :(
I hope your dd has a lovely day at home with the family, sounds like a great idea.

Just spotted DS on FB with his new pals. All sat round kitchen enjoying a Mexican themed takeaway judging by the pictures.

I'm hoping this means that the noisy crowded freshers parties are ending and there's time to enjoy more casual, less pressured evenings.

Bad night for DD, she phoned on the verge of tears at 10. It was one of the boys birthdays and everyone was in the kitchen getting drunk before going clubbing. She still doesn't like alcohol but will chip in and pretend to drink in the flat but the boys had gone and bought another set of speakers and were blasting music off the walls. She has hearing problems and has told them when its too loud it hurts her ears but they just laugh and turn it up more.

She was in her room for over an hour and they kept hammering on her door, calling her names. She felt she had to go out but would be on her own as the other girls had their BFs staying.

She said its like they've never been left home alone so they can be as loud as they want and get hammered without worrying about parents telling them off.

I tried to reassure her saying it was an artificial situation and you couldn't expect 6 random people whose only thing in common was they were away from home and friends to get on. I reminded her of high school and 6th form and the friends she had at October half term and Xmas and those she had, and still has by the end of the first year.

DH no help because he says its normal student behaviour when they first go away, his girls did it and DSS is partying hard now he's recovered from his op.

I didn't know whether to murder him or jump in the car and rescue DD.

I wish there was a place where all the nice quiet kids could meet so they can know they're not alone and not odd

notsoskinnyminny So do I! It is very hard for them, but I just keep telling DS (and myself) that things will settle down soon. I do feel for you and your DD.

MABS Have been thinking about you and your DD a lot. I think some time at home with you will be just what she needs. Take care.

Notoskinny, that sounds like very intimidating behaviour and I feel very sorry for your daughter. I know students get drunk and do stupid things, I was one myself once, but I'd actually be quite horrified if a child of mine behaved like that.

Dd is home for the weekend again. We went present shopping yesterday, it's her birthday next week. She was really down but went out with a friend last night and was much better when she got back. She has said again she is struggling to understand where she belongs at the moment. Rather than going back today she is now going in the morning.

I am going to have to be firmer in future. She is also very aware that she will miss out if she keeps coming back, but to be fair, her flat was going to be empty all weekend. I hope she slots back into it all more easily tomorrow, she has said it's getting better but she feels she has to be busy all the time. She is doing an awful lot and today she said she just wanted to be at home to have a rest from it all.

Actually, notsoskinnyminny, I think that was really nasty behaviour. I know it was fuelled by alcohol and pack-mentality, but it makes me fume just to think about it. Hugs to you and your DD.

terrible Notsoskinny, really feel for you, Mrs Rhod - agree it's very hard but better if she not back every w/e.

Well, picked up dd from Lhr late last night and pleasantly surprised! quite bright and talked openly about the poor girl and what happened. She said what was upsetting her as much as what she saw is the constant police presence everywhere in the accom block. Has been chatting lots, shopping in a moment :( then out for sunday lunch. She flies back 7am tomorrow but she, and I am far happier and relieved now. thanks so much for all your kind words girls.

Notsoskinny that's not acceptable behavior is your DD able to have a word with the accomadation team? She needs to report it she can. I know DD3 has signed a contract which actually says students can get thrown out of halls if they behave like those boys. MABs glad your DD is feeling better and. is able to talk about what happened, DH and I both spoke to DD3 last night. She still seems happy but was tired she had been out to the quiz at the SU with her flatmates on Friday evening then apparently. they alk went to the downstairs flat and sat talking until 3am. This is my DD who always liked early nights

I think that is terribly sad Notsoskinny. DS had a questionnaire before he went and it asked questions such as 'do you work in silence or do you have background noise?', 'what time do you go to bed?' and it seemed to be a great help getting like minded students together.

Notsoskinny Is your dd in halls? isn't there a warden who is meant to be there for such incidences? Completely unacceptable and very frightening for your dd

Thank you ladies, I've been busy ironing and resisting the urge to drive up the M6 with a bag of fruit gums and a hug but I've just spoken to her and she sounds ok. Her flatmates are still in bed so she's been able to do her live broadcast and watch some TV in peace. She's going to meet up with a girl from her course as they've got to do a joint presentation tomorrow. We met her at the open day and she's into the same things so hopefully an afternoon with a kindred spirit is what she needs.

I did ask her if she wanted to move flats but she said they're only twats idiots when they're drunk and she can cope with them most of the time.

Her twitter account is unusually quiet so I emailed one of her virtual friends who's a bit older (he was great when she was bullied at school because of her interests and I've met him and his gf at conventions/concerts I was dragged accompanied DD to when she was younger) and he's going to skype her later to see how she's getting on.

MABS and MrsRhod, glad your DDs are ok, I think all of us deserve some and for getting through another rollercoaster week x

Notsoskinny - so sorry to hear of your dd's unpleasant experiences. Being drunk is one thing but upsetting and intimidating another person, quite another. I agree with mumee, that should be reported. She should also ask about the possibility of moving if this continues. It is not fair that anyone should be treated like that.

I'm beginning to agree with you, there should be a society where people who aren't into drinking and clubs can meet and socialise, notsoskinny. My dd finds the weekends more difficult, because she doesn't like drinking or clubbing. She has done her best to join societies and socialise. Have your dcs found that some people fully intend to go home every weekend, not because they're homesick or having a tough time? This can make it lonelier for the rest.

Think it would be great if like-minded people could be put together in the same accommodation, but should imagine that it is an impossible administrative exercise, especially when factors like people with longer terms etc. have to be taken into account. Might be possible in the small unis, but probably not the large ones.