EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

That sounds very familiar, dd says one of the girls barely says hello now if they meet in the kitchen and I am wary of it getting unpleasant. I also agree about the growing up. Dd has just phoned to ask how to clean the hob and how to 'properly' clean the work surfaces which are getting a bit rank I think. 2 regularly clean up, 2 don't and 1 is never there. I also gave her bathroom cleaning instructions last time I was there, I avoided the urge to put on the marigolds myself, but directed her and she claims to be cleaning it regularly ( en suite so lucky).

I don't think it matters about missing the freshers fair. Dd didn't officially sign up to things but has still gone along, they've had a free three week trial for activities. I think subs are due next week to continue some things. Others are just pay when you turn up. The timetable changes every week so it's impossible to totally commit.

She has also been invited to the flat next door later this afternoon....at last!

DD1 went back to 2nd year 3 weeks ago. DD2 went off for first time two weeks ago. Miss them both.
Set up a couple of Whats app accounts. 1 for whole family inclucing DH and one for me and daughters - means we all see messages we send to each other and photos of meals they make themselves. Lovely.
Empty nest ? Bought myself a hamster - Billy. No school or swimming lessons. Perfect!!

Goldrat have indeed had pic via whatsapp of DD's first meal cooked for herself in uni flat -- handful of Sainsbury's jumbo cashew nuts and 3 slices parma ham from stash of 'treats' we shopped for; subsequently no info. We are sending photos of cat back the other way, as he is much missed.

Spoke to DS today - sounded very flat and tired. Not sleeping great apparently - very unusual for him. Had an induction for teaching assistants yesterday - met some lovely people but no one within less than 1.5 hours away by train. Doesn't teach on Friday so looks like he might have another long weekend totally alone in the school. Fingers crossed it improves soon.

Hope things do improve for your DS fussychica. The school really should make some effort to make sure he's not alone at the weekends. Also hope that things improve for other DC's who are finding things hard at the moment. DD3 is still a little homesick but doing okay. She texted me to tell me she had got 63% in her first test today. That is good for her as she''s Dyspraxic and has other learning difficulties, She is supposed to have access to a study tutor but hasn't got it yet as her Disability Advisor said they needed the approval letter from DSA. I'm sure she emailed it to them ages ago and they have the report and all their reccommenations. Anyway I found she'd left the original letter at home so will send it to her.

madeofkent

Thank you for the link - it was the first poem in the interview - listened to it - shed a few tears and reminded myself to get a grip....

Don't normally do "soppy" or Pam Ayres - but a great poem...

For those that missed the link:-

September

... approx 5:40 minutes in...

She has it all there, doesn't she. In fact after hearing it this morning I put the radio on, something i haven't done for years because up until now I have appreciated the peace and quiet while the kids are at school. But it made things feel far more normal and I felt better.

So pleased. We were going over to take DS out for a meal for my birthday tomorrow night and he has asked if he can come back with us for the weekend. I realise that it has nothing to do with me, more to do with him feeling tired/fluey/needing a few things for paintballing/mentioned washing but I shall be so happy to see him wandering about. Just hope I don't lose it on Sunday afternoon when he leaves again.

..me too - my son is coming back this weekend - I must admit that I was a little disappointed and wanted him to stay a little longer before ambling back... but I think that he misses his mates back home...

As they used to say "little steps" but hopefully we be able to propel him back out in the yonder...

He has finally worked out all his modules/options today - which has been worrying time for him (and for use remotely) for a couple of weeks.

They seem to have messed on some of the additional module options which make up some of the "points" towards his degree - so he was getting pretty despondent... applying for the modules and getting refused/and /or courses over subscribed....and note much in the way of Uni support...

Anyway it looks like things are getting better....

Let's see how the man-child has progressed - if he comes back with dirty washing there will be hell !!!

I wish I could get ds to come back .

Haven't seen him for 4 weeks now, texted him yesterday to ask if he fancied coming down for a weekend end Oct/early Nov. He replied, yeah, probably come down sometime to drop my Army kit off (he's transferring TA regiments as there's no Rifles in Liverpool).

Nothing about wanting to see us . He's having too much fun at Uni as far as I can make out.

Phone calls and texts are dwindling fast....

Would you be able to go up and see him Mumblechum. At least he is setting in well.

mumeee yes, I think if he isn't showing any signs of coming down (we're in bucks, he's in Liverpool) by early Nov we or at least I, will go up just to say Hi and have lunch together or something.

DH is of the "leave them to get on with their lives" school of parenting

I know I shouldn't post this, but need to as sure you will understand :( Please God don't let anyone of you know the child.. DD just rang me, terribly distressed, a girl in her accom block collapsed and died in front of them this am. Paramedics did CPR but no use, that poor poor family . I just want to get on a plane to go to hug her, as does dh.

oh no, oh no the poor poor parents. The poor flatmates too.

I know, the poor family :(

Thats truly awful! I hope the university can manage to put some sort of support in place for the students and the family. Your flying visit mabs will be even more appreciated

Just listened to Pam Ayres after reading your post MABS (posted in other thread)- bad decision - I was in tears - though the bit about leaving her husband be did make me laugh at the same time.

Hello again, everyone. Herewith I say what I really believe. If your child needs your support, keep right on giving it and do what you feel is right. I agree with them not coming home too early, but think it is a good idea to go and see them if they really need you to. And you are the only people who really know, their parents. We are going to see dd at the end of October because she wants to see us - it has come from her.

I feel that for many young people that the early days of uni are a transition. They will get used to it and get more independent, but it is a daunting thing to leave your family, friends and support network and go into something totally new, with new and harder work. I let her initiate contact via texts etc. because I don't want to interrupt if she is bonding with people etc. She says when she wants to Skype and I just talk to her as we always have. Every person is different and their needs are different. There is no shame in being homesick or taking time to adjust. If you meet your friends immediately, that's great, but not everyone is that lucky.

So sorry MABS to hear this awful news. If you think your dd needs you, go! Hope the uni does support them in this.

Thanks mumeee I hope so to - DHL permitting some more of his stuff should arrive today so he might have a bit of entertainment. Not spoken today but he texted he'd slept better despite a terrific lightning storm across southern France last night.

How utterly dreadful. I will hug dd a little harder when she gets home later. Her poor family and how traumatic for those who were there. I'm sure your dd will really appreciate your visit now.

spoke at length with dd, she seems 'ok' and is helping those who knew the girl. can wait to see her next Fri albeit briefly.

MABS I don't know what to say - that is such a tragic thing to happen to a young life.

Oh MABs how awful for the girls family and her flatmates. I feel sorry for your DD too, Hope she's okay. Sending hugs to you

MABS that must be terrifying for everyone. Can't imagine how her family must be feeling.

Fussy your son needs to speak to someone and maybe ask to be moved, I can't believe he's left alone at the weekend. Hopefully they'll have left some food for him.

MrsRhod DD also cleaned the hob in the flat because it was 'minging' we're wondering if she'll clean her room when she comes home - its so bad its on my to do list for half term

Had a major rant from DD today. The 3 boys & 2 others came back, drunk, at 3am and banged on the girls' doors and were still making at din at 6am. She had a 9am lecture and said she was shattered.

The lecture turned out to be a 'waste of time', her Japanese isn't good enough for her to go into the post A level class although the Head of School did think she'd be able to cope as she speaks and reads to a high standard but she knows its a big jump from GCSE and there are gaps in her basic knowledge of grammar etc that would hold her back so he agreed to put her in the next class down.

There are 5 who've passed the GCSE and the rest are complete beginners. They spent 2 hours saying individual words and their homework is to learn how to count to 10. The 5 asked for extra homework and the lecturer said that wouldn't be fair to the rest of the class. DD's self taught and got 98% in her GCSE exam and feels she's wasting her time and our money. I've persuaded her to speak to the HoS on Monday before her next lesson but as she said if they've only got 4 hours a week how are the others going to be ready for their year abroad working at this pace? She's doing Italian as an elective and complained she knows more already than her class know of what is their major subject.

On a positive note she's loving the rest of her course and uni in general.

MABS that is just dreadful. So, so sad. It certainly puts one's own tribulations into perspective.

I agree with all your thoughts on mental health. I worry about the effect all this will have on DS. Had an awful day yesterday, with a long, long exchange of increasingly desperate e-mails (and I was having a really busy day at work too) but I think I had a brainwave this morning and we have now booked a parking space off-campus and are taking his beloved car up in a couple of weeks. DH said DS's relief was palpable, he said it would make him feel 'less trapped' and he will also be able to have his precious drum kit with him (sorry flatmates) (no, he is too considerate to practise in the flat). Freshers fair tomorrow so I hope he can sign up for some things and maybe get into a band. I just want him to stick with it for a bit longer. The sick feeling is still with me (beats the 5/2 diet hands down) but I feel a little less anxious today.

This thread has been a lifeline for me.