EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

I think DS started a lot earlier than a lot of DCs on this thread; he went up to Liverpool on 7th September so we've all had time to adjust.

Although I feel a bit ashamed to say it, I'm not really missing him as he was always very very independent, travelling independently abroad from the age of 15, in the Army Reserve etc etc and always out with his friends when he was home, so there isn't a massive difference in the house.

If I get a bit wobbly I call him and am always reassured because I can tell from his voice that he is so much happier than he was when he was at school, which he loathed.

He has 3 groups of friends, and all the flatmates have gelled really well; they take it in turns to cook for everyone one Sunday nights. This sounded good till DS told me one of the girls in his flat didn't know how to open a tin of beans, and tried to cook a pizza in the toaster .

I must admit, though, I'm already looking forward to seeing him at Christmas

Just spotted ds on the uni's website pics of freshers fayre!

Well dd called she is having a great time.Her flatmates are lovely and she has a cold. So all is well

SQ hope DS gets sorted soon.

mrsRhod things sound like they're improving for DD, you must be so relieved.

DD's coming home for the night - 3 of her friends are doing a foundation course together and have had a big falling out so she's coming to sort them out and pick up some more clothes/books before going back in the morning. I suppose that means she's not homesick any more

SQ I really have no advice for you or your ds but it sounds like you are doing all you can to support him. I just know he won't be the only one feeling the way he does.

Ds seems to be settling really well. There are quite a lot of pics of him on Facebook at various parties so he's clearly not sat in his room feeling miserable! From what he has said I think he has a good group of flatmates too. He did mention he and one of the girls from his flat sat up talking until the very early hours one night after a party..... not sure how much to read into that!

mrsrhod your dd sounds amazingly resilient and determined to make things work, you must be feeling very proud of her.

Sent DD 2 texts tonight asking questions. I got a reply to the second one that simply said "Send on"! It wouldn't hurt her to be a bit more communicative would it?

I feel as though she should be back soon, almost like she has been away for 2 weeks on holiday. In reality I know she won't be back for ages. Sob. Anyone else feeling like this?

Yes - I know exactly what you mean!

I know what you mean jellicat. When I'm home I keep expecting DD3 to be coming home from college. DH and I are away for a long weekend in Jersey at the moment. It seems strange not to have DD3 with us as she loves coming on holiday with us.

I know what you mean, too. I'm used to him clearing off for the odd week a few times a year, but I am seeing him this weekend for my birthday meal. It'll only be for a couple of hours though, so I think I should buy a notebook and start writing questions down that I want to grill him on. :-) it's the long stretch after that I am dreading. And resisting the urge to go and do his washing, stock his fridge and tidy his room and the kitchen while I am there! Last night he ordered a pizza from domino's using a voucher from fresher's fair. He waited 25 mins before a van drove up, asked his name and drove off. He didn't realise that his pizza was probably with another driver coming along even later, got very upset and went in to phone and complain and ask for his money back. They refunded him but blacklisted him. :-) I was quietly pleased because he won't be wasting his money, but felt soooooooo sorry for my poor hungry cold boy!

Hello all. Dd has just been home for 24 hours and dh has dropped her at the station with a friend. She was quite glassy eyed as she left. She is lonely there and knows she probably has another week of spending each evening alone or maybe with one flatmate some nights. At the moment she can't imagine staying there at weekends because they are all so antisocial. It's been a real shock.

She was much more positive by the end of last week, I hope she picks that back up quickly. She has a few things she would like to try next week but its always easier with a friend, especially at nights. I hope she does better next week.

Sorry your DD is still having problems mrshodibert. Hope things get sorted out for her next week. DD3's flatmates have all bonded well but there is a girl in the opposite flat who was having trouble with her flatmates. She is spending time in DD3's flat and the all girls there look after her. Is your DD able to get together with people on her course?

We took ds2 to Warwick today. Went very smoothly, and DS called to say he has been chatting with his flat mates, and a group of them are going out this evening.

there is a group of 4 international students in the flat who are unfortunately conforming to stereotype and are unwilling to chat/ socialise etc. such a shame! DS says they will ask them again if they would like to join them this evening, but he isn't hopeful.

DS off out to soho tonight , with his flat , and other people .
I don't mind being stuck at home watching X factor , oh no ....
But he is wandering about coming home for a weekend , it will be a long boring journey for him though ...

Glad it went well JGBMum was it very crowded getting into the campus?

DD1's Facebook page had a picture of the on-site Tesco packed to the rafters. Think we'll stop off onthe way for the few fresh bits she wants!!

We've packed the car, everything went in without struggle now we're wondering what she's forgotten!!!

off at 8am if we don't over sleep!!

Good luck MissM.
We took fresh stuff so didn't need to go tesco when we arrived.
Campus was crowded, but security and freshers helpers very good at getting you parked near the accom. Longest queue was for DS to get his keys, definitely worth dropping off your dd at the collection point, then meeting her at the accom.
Officially you can only park for 30 mins, then need to move your car, but as it took about 20 mins to get keys, that wasn't happening!

Hope dd and you have a good day.
We left DS to it after putting everything In His room as he was keen to get on and meet flat mates etc.
xx

Also, not too bad getting onto campus but our map told us to go in the back way as it was nearer to Sherborne. We didn't go into the central bit at all.

good luck to those who have just gone. We have another week to go and I have been wandering round the supermarket thinking I don't need to buy that/ as much of that and feeling sad while acting positive to the DC. Saw a young person buying two packs of coathangers and immediately thought student from local university.

Good point about the supermarkets and a good argument for taking a box from home.

Good luck to eeveryone taking their DC today. I can't believe we took DD3 2 weeks ago I still miss her like mad but it's getting better.

Good luck to everyone travelling today.

DD came home on Friday night and I can't believe how much she's grown up in 2 wks.

Her flatmates have really gelled and they're 'adopting' others who aren't coping in their flats and have 2-4 extras eating with them every night. We went shopping for a few bits and I picked up a mini gammon joint as its one of her favourites and impossible to get wrong; it was on offer 3 for £10 so she asked if she could have 2 more so she can cook Sunday lunch for everyone and took £10 out of her purse (which I declined). She told me they've pooled all their food/dishes etc and shop together for the flat (sticking to meal plans and a budget ) rather than individually and even have a rota for the laundrette!

She kept referring to her flat as 'home' which, to me, was another sign that she's settled in now, I won't recognise her by Christmas. Where's the proud mummy smiley?!

Confess this is my first post and have not read everyone's messages but I have to say I am beside myself: quiet, non-drinking son (it doesn't agree with him) started this week and is hating it. Am encouraging him to go to anything and everything but it must be hideous for him. Am also limiting contact to texts because I think if I Skype him I will cry and that won't be very useful! Any tips or ideas? I need comforting!!

Have just re-read post and I sound so selfish!! Worried that HE might cry as well. Have read other posts now (Sunday lunch will have to wait) and feel comforted already that he is not in the same boat.

Goldenyears, my post above yours probably doesn't help but if you scroll back 2 weeks DD was where your son is, and so were many of the other posters' DC. She doesn't drink, has obscure hobbies and was really struggling. I went to see her last week with her dog and she seemed ok but cried when I left, which was hard when you've got an hour's drive and then get lost in the one way system, but since her lectures started last week she's got more structure to her day and is enjoying it more.

She forces herself to go out with her flatmates even though she hates clubs but they've all got similar finances so only go out twice a week. She's made the effort to approach people on her course and speaks to people leaving her halls who look like they'll be heading in the direction of her classes - some might think she's a random weirdo (her words) but she has made a few friends and the consensus is for every person loving freshers week there are plenty more who are finding it tedious and the transition tough.

Hang in there x

DS1 went yesterday, I have had a couple of one word texts back to my list of questions, so think I will back off for a while lol.
I blame all this modern technology in my day there was a phone on each floor and I would only phone home every couple of weeks. None of this expecting to text with updates of everything that happens. As DS2 says just chill mum!

DS arrived at year abroad location on Friday. It's a weekday boarding school so the kids leave Friday pm. He has just spent the entire weekend COMPLETELY alone in the school(where he's living) and has had to live on microwave meals until tomorrow breakfast as the kitchen closes at the weekend. It's in the middle of nowhere with VERY limited facilities and public transport to anywhere east and nothing at all west!

I really felt for him and was a bit upset yesterday, though didn't show it. He, however, seems to be taking it all in his stride (long may it continue), despite many of his friends from uni in other more exciting locations saying what a great city/town they are in and all the students they've met.

I couldn't believe that the school hadn't done a bit more for him but they haven't and he's got to get on with it - I still felt like flying over and picking him up though. We shall see if things improve.