EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Yes, my DS has only 6 rooms on his corridor and the 3 opposite are very insular and don't mix and his immediate neighbour spends all his time with his girlfriend so there's only 1 of the 6 who bothers talking to him. I think the bigger halls are probably better but there we are....

I feel worse today than all the other days before. Think it's because I don't feel this is 'right' for him. Really hope I'm wrong.

Skyped my dd last night and she seems to be coping OK. Made me feel better, anyway. She has found people to do things with and is sorting out clubs at the moment. Mrshodgilbert - hope your dd has better luck with making friends elsewhere. Her flatmate sounds very insular and rather unpleasant - why move into halls if you aren't going to make an effort to talk to new people, I ask myself? Felt wobbly this morning and it is strange tonight that she isn't coming in from college..... Suppose we must give ourselves a chance to get used to it, but so lovely to know others are feeling the same. Hope the dcs settle in soon and we settle down without them!

This thread is really helpful because its making me realise our issues are not unique. It really does cut down your chances of having a good a good experience if your living arrangements are difficult. Sorry to hear your son has the same issue suburbanqueen. I keep telling myself its really early days, these people can't stay in their rooms forever can they?

Dd met a girl from the next flat this morning and they got along well, maybe she will be able to socialise a bit more next door. She is not living on a campus but in halls in a city. I wouldn't be encouraging her to wander around in the dark to visit other halls or the SU under normal circumstances, but especially not after the attack on Monday. So she is quite reliant on finding friends in her building.

The girl who keeps visiting her friend probably doesn't even know there has been an attack because she has not been there enough to hear about it and she is wandering around at midnight.

Taking DS to the airport tomorrow for his flight to south west France. Hope I don't cry.
This house is a tip - 20kgs going with him and another batch going when he knows what else he needs, so piles of stuff everywhere. He is staying in the boarding school where he is an assistant and it's on full board basis for the princely sum of 65Euros a week. Thinks he might move down to the coast after a couple of weeks but the cheapness of the rent and the last minute commute to lessons could be a strong incentive to stay put - we shall see.
Just hope he has good internet access or he'll be a bit peeved, to say the least!

That puts my worries in perspective, at least dd is only 45 mins away if she needs help. Good luck tomorrow, I think a tear is acceptable.

Thanks mrsrhod - he's usually 5 hours away and through the summer was on a 14 week internship in Germany so I'm fairly used to being without him.

However, as he's only been home 10 days this time I'm just getting used to having him around again and now he off. He's my one & only so our nest seems very empty when he's away. Wonderful experiences for him though

Just belatedly read some of the earlier posts - so sorry that some of your DCs are having a tough time -mrsrhod the attack incident is awful. Hope things improve soon for those with unhappy fledglings.

Still not heard from either of mine, despite leaving a message asking for a call. I've sent them stuff and want to know if they've got it, but they're obviously too busy partying! Beginning to feel just a little cheesed off tbh, great that they're not (presumably) hating it or anything but it would be nice to be thought worth a quick call or text......

Thanks, yes it's really shocking. She walked in with one of the girls this morning who is quite beaten up. However, they do seem to be making plans to walk in groups after evening lectures ( which I didn't realise happened) so that will also help with the socialising.

Gosh frosty, you've got the opposite problem to me, I don't know which is worse. Have they always been very independent?

DS has just found an Aldi and is loving the prices. I sent him a link to this cake in a mug thread and he loves the link i it to the Wiki page with pics & videos. Think they may be making mug cakes this weekend :)

Evening all.....been mad busy with work & getting DD sorted for the off.....well trying to.

We have lists, we have piles of stuff, we have boxes, we have a farking big suitcase borrowed from my globe trotting sister. But has anything got vaguely sorted? Nah.

The cat tried the suitcase lid out for size though this am & found it very comfy

Have had a couple of wobbly moments this week, mainly due to tiredness I think. now planning things for the next few weeks, and it just seems so WRONG to be leaving her out of them!!!

Well been trying to get hold of DD3 all evening but no joy. I know no news can be good news. But DD3 is Dyspraxic,very disorganised and has a habit of losing things. Just hope that her phones on silent or she''s forgotten to take it with her and hasn't lost it.

Heard from DT2 last night (Hi mum, sorry I didn't call earlier I've just got back from hospital) - words to put fear into anyone's heart! He's cut his finger - washing up, so he says - badly and has had to have it stitched. He seems fine and is having a good time with his flatmates and has had a couple of enrolment lectures as well. I asked that he keep in touch even if briefly once a week by text, Skype, email or phone just to keep me happy!

Now for DT1!

Well he's alive but has said he won't ring or text as he can't afford to keep topping up his phone and while there is no internet he can only email from the library and that only gives him 30 minutes free so we have to wait our turn as there is fb and twitter and friends etc to check in with first! Seems a lack of funds was all that he was interested in telling us! Have arranged for ds2/3 (both asd) to ring him tonight to do their night night ritual. Relief all round.

get your child an ovivo sim and they have less excuse not to call ovivomobile.com/

Cheap contracts available for anyone whose parents are on talktalk mobile.talktalk.co.uk/ or all go on giffgaff so they get free calls to you giffgaff.com/

Glad you've heart from your DS eatyourveg and that you"ve heard from one of your twins frostyfingers. DD3 is on giffgaff she gets unlimited texts and internet and 250 minutes for £12 a month. She finally texted me at 2am this morning saying sorry I keep leaving my phone in my room when I'm out of it and that's quite a lot at the moment, Don't worry if I ever don't answer it when you phone, This is my quiet and shy DD3 who always has her phone with her and is usually in bed by midnight. She was also feeling a bit homesick on Sunday. It seems she has got over that wobble and has really settled into uni life. She also seems to have grown up a bit since she left and that was only 12 days ago,

Well, the misery goes on. DS rang again today crying saying he'd been into Spanish and he hated that too and feels totally out of his depth. I rang the uni and spoke to the Head of Faculty who has assured me that she will get his personal tutor to talk to him today to see if they can tweak his course and discuss all options with him. I really hope they do because I can envisage him walking through the door at home if not !!!

have sent ds the oviomobile link - looks promising. Thanks

DS goes on Saturday. I've come home from work to find he has nearly finished packing, despite having done nothing when I left the house this morning.

I had a wobble yesterday, literally and emotionally, as I was having a massage as part of a pamper day for a friends birthday.
While lying down for a half hour with nothing to do but listen to the whale music, it hit me that next week both my DS will be gone. Felt a complete twit sobbing while therapist was tactfully ignoring my Leakey eyes. In the end I gave up, and asked for a tissue and just chatted for the last 10 minutes. Not sure I can ever show my face there again.

Suburbanqueen your poor DS , what a shame for him . Hopefully the Tutor will have seen it all before and can sort it all out .
Not good for you though , hearing about it and not really able to do much .

Luckily for us , DS seems to have taken to Uni life like a duck to water !

He's sharing a flat with 5 other boys , on a big student village with everything on hand . He went food shopping with his flat on Friday , they all go out together to the students union .
He met up with a school friend , travelled across London from Greenwich to Ealing Broadway ! Which I know people do all the time , but he's from a small market town in Wales ( not a good night , his friend was sick , so they didn't go out ! )
He phoned me for a chat , he was sitting by Cutty Sark waiting for the shuttle bus back to the flat .

The only worry is that he's still waiting for his student loan to be paid out .

Doilooklikeatourist sounds fab, DC were all unsure about uni in central london but your DS makes it sound wonderful!

Hope others are starting to settle.

Suburbanqueen, sorry about your son. Has he said why he feels out of his depth - is he having trouble understanding the lectures? What would he do if he came home? I wonder if he could move flats and if that might help him settle.

I have some friends whose children have had issues. Several have changed university and/or course and after a year of working have gone back happily enough. A year of boring work does motive them.

ds is still waiting for his loan to be paid out too - unfortunately I don't think its uncommon to have to wait even though they say they will pay on a certain date.

Morning all. Suburbanqueen, so sorry your son is feeling upset. It's very difficult listening and reassuring when you don't actually know it will get better, you're just hoping that given time it will. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that you have been able to speak to someone about him, I hope it does some good.

Dd seems to be settling down a bit now. She has met a few people from her course so has people to walk from halls with and sit with. She says they're not a very cohesive group and she is the common point ( which is very new for her) but I'm impressed. She is talking about joining societies which she would never have considered previously.

There is still the issue of her very antisocial flat mates. Is it reasonable to expect them to be friendly, or even present or are we actually expecting too much? I'm beginning to wonder. So evenings are rather boring as they are away from the SU and she has not yet ventured into other flats for the evening, hopefully that will change soon. After the attack on 2 girls on Monday at the gate they are wary of going out at night.

She is coming home this evening but just for one night and is taking a friend back tomorrow. I think most people are going home so she knows she will be alone on Sunday but is prepared for that. She has had a boring job for a year post 6th form and I think memories of that are giving her determination to work through this.

Good luck to all those going this weekend.