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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Sammyw12 · 31/08/2016 12:45

So you spend time doing everything we do at the weekend but we also have the benefit of going to school. 😕

MrsHam13 · 31/08/2016 12:57

I personally couldn't think of anything worse. I'd also be pretty annoyed to of had my parents home educate me. I loved school and the friends, opportunities and extra curricular activities I gained as a result.

FireSquirrel · 31/08/2016 12:57

Sigh. I'm afraid that isn't my experience of home ed at all, drspouse. But if families are not fulfilling their duties with regards to home ed ('parents must cause their child to receive a suitable full time education') the LA can take action against them including issuing a Notice To Satisfy or if needs be a School Attendance Order. The existing powers LAs have are more than adequate when used properly.

differentnameforthis · 31/08/2016 12:58

Obviously, if you are unable to think past school and the one way of learning then H.ed probably wouldn't be for this type. Again "think past school" ... what does that mean? As I said, I personally don't need to think past school. I am MORE than happy with the school my children attend, I am more than happy at their progress.

And to be fair, they have learnt stuff at home that they haven't learnt at school yet, so it isn't like school is the only space they learn in if they attend one.

what is the point in forcing kids to study things that they hate? This is such a narrow minded view. Because one day they may need to know a little about a lot in order to get some jobs. The sad reality is, is that you can no longer walk out of uni and into a job you love. When I first starting working, you could easily move around jobs, you just can't any more. Sometimes having something to fall back on is a good option. Life is full of doing things we don't like, whether you go through the school system or not, kids should learn things they don't want to.

Except you do not have the time to do as much as us.... you are limited as to how deeply you can explore something. Seriously? So now you have to dig at how much time people have with their children, because their children attend school...and you wonder why you get called smug?

No, I think it is you that is coming across badly. You're completely missing the point. Simon is saying that they believe HE is the superior choice for THEIR family Yes, while putting down any one who dares to think that the school system is best for THEIR family, with a series of one liners that are designed to make her feel superior.

But some of the stereotypes and ignorance on here is shocking.... From BOTH sides, it has to be said!

whattheseithakasmean · 31/08/2016 13:02

My worry about home edding, particular for older children, is that it doesn't sound like it fosters educational resilience. Learn what you like at a pace you like is great for wee ones. But for older children then actually i think they need to learn to engage with difficult abstruse subjects that don't come easily and not give up and go back to the things they can do and enjoy. Many concepts are hard to grasp and hard won at a more advanced stage. If you don't get quantum theory right away, do you go on to something easier, or do you keep trying until you understand? That is an important life skill. People that are good at subjects have usually just thought longer and studied harder - where does rigour and academic discipline fit into to the home ed day?

Lifegavemelemons · 31/08/2016 13:11

As someone who gave up home ed (as it didn't suit our family long term) all I can say is that I've seen the research, I have seen HE children go on and do extraordinarily well in formal exams and I am under no doubt that for many families, but not all, it is a better option than school. Which is simply what the HE parents on here are saying.

No one, that I've seen, is demanding you all give up your current lives and HE your children, but it's a perfectly do-able option for anyone who chooses to do it. There is tons of support around in the HE community for specialist subjects and it's a friendly and outgoing community in my experience.

AngelBlue12 · 31/08/2016 13:20

Drspouse My point was that we both DID go onto Further Education even though we both received our secondary education at home.

DH's parents could have done a better job with regards to qualifications however out of 6 children 3 own their own business', 1 is an accountant and 1 is a manager in a large company (the other is very unwell MS but still does free lance design work when well enough)

I am not saying that HE is better than school. It's different, just as any other choice we make. Both outcomes are generally successful if parental support is there.

drspouse · 31/08/2016 13:33

Angel FE is not Higher Education, though. I'm talking about Higher Education (degree level, plus professional qualifications). Not technical college.
Did you get enough A levels through studying purely at home to go on to higher education?
It is also much, much harder to do well in business, accountancy etc. etc. without degree level qualifications these days.

Houseconfusion · 31/08/2016 13:36

How on earth can a parent who is not simply qualified prepare a child in Latin, Algebra, biomedical topics and many similar areas - at a level that allows them the option of serious high level university qualifications? To say my child wasn't interested in any of that so I decided to take them out of school aged 7 to pursue Activity C or Y IS limiting their options.

At 7 I had a strip saying I hated X and Y and would become a butterfly collector and then at 13 a glaciologist and then a war reporter. So my parents ensured I had the adequate opportunities for every one of those activities and despite ebbing two professors and two PhD holders didn't take me out of school.

It's wonderful that it works so well apparently for some of you but to make the sanctimonious claims about boxes and unconventions - seriously?

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 13:37

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GirlOutNumbered · 31/08/2016 13:46

trustiskey - people didn't just learn to use the Internet and computers! People are generally awful users of technology and clueless in the Internet.
Those people that were at the beginning of computer science were scientists and mathematicians. They didn't just pick it up.

drspouse · 31/08/2016 13:57

I think you are a bit confused between maths and arithmetic, for a start. And what if your child wants to do engineering at 18? They'll need a sight more than counting money.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 13:59

Smartphones etc are designed by very clever academically gifted people so that idiots can use them. My dad taught me how a light comes on when you flick a switch- I don't need to know this but he taught me anyway. Because that's what parents do when they are also working to keep a roof over your head. It isn't some mystery that only HE parents know. Happy to know it's working out for you but the smug superiority is insufferable.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 14:08

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TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 14:20

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drspouse · 31/08/2016 14:24

For some people, any kind of preparation is structure and therefore wrong. And some of these people are unschooling. So if a child is interested in X, preparing some information for them or an activity for the next day would be too much effort/structure.

And a child writing a timetable? Rigid! Square! Yes I know people who have said that.

I've seen a of different families homeschooling. Some lovely and doing well. Some making the best of a difficult situation. Some neglecting their children educationally - and in particular through rigid adherence to lack of structure.

drspouse · 31/08/2016 14:32

If a child wants to be an engineer (for example) then they can then happily learn the maths they need in order to do it!

When? How?
Oh yes - In formal education!
But unless you have given them the underpinnings of the Maths they will need to succeed at A level they will not be ready for formal education at that level.
So you have decided for them that they are not going to be an engineer, at the point when you decided they didn't need Maths, they only needed arithmetic. Or, that should they want to be an engineer, they have years of doing something else first while they catch up to the point that they can do A level maths. Why would you limit your child's choices like that? Why prevent them from doing what they want at the same age that other children get to do it?

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 14:36

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drspouse · 31/08/2016 14:42

It is so, so easy though if unschooling not to bother doing any engaged or hard work. Nobody seems to believe that I have seen this, but I have. In earlier years, it can easily become educational neglect if parents cannot be bothered or don't believe in structure full stop.

I also happen to believe that if carried through to its logical conclusion it will inevitably become educational neglect in later years. I don't think it's possible for parents to teach a full enough curriculum to a high enough level for children to have a complete range of choices when they become adults.

Therefore either they need to re-enter formal education - with someone other than parents teaching some aspects - whether that's at home or school (meaning they need to be prepared to re-enter formal education and they need to be caught up enough with the curriculum for it to be possible for them) OR their parents are cutting off that range of choices to them.

Again I have also seen this.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 15:00

My nephew is head of science in a secondary for a pretty challenging part of the U.K. Any parent who home schools rather than has him as a teacher leading the department is seriously missing out on a motivated and motivating teacher of a difficult subject area. I am pretty bright with an inquiring mind. So is dh. There is no way we could give dd what she would get from my nephew if he were her teacher. More praise for and faith in good teachers please.

TrustIsKey · 31/08/2016 15:19

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Houseconfusion · 31/08/2016 15:25

trustiskey's words and her explication of the maths example is so appalling I don't know where to begin.

For heavens sake.

Houseconfusion · 31/08/2016 15:25

Heaven's sake in case a typo from a university lecturer becomes an ishoo.

freetrampolineforall · 31/08/2016 15:26

Not as hard as you think to catch up to A level Maths. Sorry, that's just delusional.

AngelBlue12 · 31/08/2016 15:32

drspouse sorry I was lumping higher and further together, I should have separated them I suppose. I could have done A levels if I'd wanted to and I would have done them by going to college as I did to do my GCSE's. I didn't CHOOSE to do them as they weren't relevant to my career choice (animal psychology).

Fwiw my older sister (who went to school) also choose not to do A levels despite getting 11 GCSE's A and A *

We don't unschool ourselves, tried it but it didn't work for us, we get on much better with structure.

I know so many people here and in the US who have successfully homeschooled I do find it sad that there are still so many haters out there. I don't hate schools I just prefer our way of life for our family.

I guess as well that it all depends what you want from life, if uni and degrees are what is important to you then you work towards it whether through home ed or school.