Need to re-adjust expectations of ds about school - help

[DidEinsteinsMum]

Ok ds is 4 G&T prob, Apergerus poss. He expects school to be sit down learning.
He had an individual visit for 1 hour prior to the normal visit schedule a fun phonics thing. He has been complaining it was boring and is already making reluctant noises about going back next week for his 2nd official visit (this time without parents) His dad reports that he seemed to enjoy it. I suspect he enjoyed it on face value but later felt it did not fulfil his stimulus requirements. He is a high stimulus input kid. I know the school is good and have a plan in place for him once they get past the initial induction aspects in sept.

How do i work on the fact that

1. Reception is a bit of work and a good chunk play?
2. It will get better when he starts properally
3. Convince him he wants to go next (thus avoiding the meltdown otherwise expected)
4. Get him to understand that most children want to play and not sit down to lessons at reception (AIBU?)
5. Do i need to talk to the school about ds' feelings - they have been dealing with it since the CAF voted them best to deal.
6. Oh and the good old one : his peers are not stupid!

Maybe i am worrying too much? feel free to kick my butt into perspective

What I would advise is that you ask the LEA to make an assessment for a statement before ds sets foot in the school.
Reasons being once he is in school he has to be failing to achieve the average with school action plus support which is what the school are suggesting by bringing EP in after first term.
Child then has to fail a couple of IEPs so that school have proof that they need statemented support.
Considering IEPs work for roughly six to eight weeks (legally they only have to be reviewed twice yearly) there is a good possibility that school won't have enough evidence before the end of reception year.
Another added advantage of you requesting the assessment is that if they refuse you can appeal the decision whereas if school applies and they are refused they have no right to appeal.
Look at the IPSEA website for draft letters and get your hands on the SEN Code of Practise as these are invaluable.
I know school are being reassuring but without a statement they have no obligation to provide the 1 to 1 support, chances are that there will be other children who also need support starting reception so will it be a case of who screams loudest?
A good 1 to 1 won't get in the way of ds's social interaction with his peers but without the support he will either withdraw or become aggressive.
As for the over anxious deluded mother label wear it with pride acknowledge that you are acutely aware of ds's needs and ask them what they intend to do to meet them. Have to say I have had more labels put on me than my two children have but you pick them up when you want to ensure that they get what they need.
Only when you can phone the LEA and give your name without any other identifying details about your child can you say you have fought enough battles lol Good Luck

asdx2: Can you request a statement without getting a diagnosis and having no formal support for the reason for the statement? as this is problem we have at the moment. There is no evidence for the statements.

As for screaming loudest ds gets violent when frustrated/bored/socially unable to cope etc his behaviour will shout enough. Hopefully he will have a proper meltdown at the time and not hold back till later - my mum is childminding him after school til i get back. She has issues with his behaviour already.

And he again does not want to go to school. "Its boring" and I think that he is worrying about it. Not sure which bit he is worrying about but something and i can't get to bottom of it.

Yes you can ask them to make an assessment without a diagnosis. Jack and Lucy started the statementing process at the start of the diagnosis process. Jack's statement came before the diagnosis but neither of them had an official diagnosis when it began.
You would need to write a comprehensive report on ds's difficulties. Pre school should add their observations. Have pre school called in SEN support service? if so they should be able to supply evidence. You are asking them to assess ds so the onus then is on them to get ds seen by ed psych and inclusion service.
It's good that ds is disruptive in a way because it will give weight to his need for a statement.

Nope playschool havent and they typically havent seen alot of the porblems that have been being dealt with. I think the issue can be summarised by the following example.Ds has OCD tendancies - he has been known to wash his hands/willy for hour + on end. but now he has got to the point that when it is bad he will typically only wash his hands 6 -10 times before managing to reluctantly wander away. Because I have nipped things in the bud most of the behaviour is not as obvious. Additionally he specialises in delayed reactions. Surface coping until later when all hell breaks loose.

He was seen by someone in his nursery because of his behaviour before we withdrew him for psychological damage and her report stated that he was perfectly average although very not good at letting others share their ideas Interesting cos i asked her about his abilities and she said he was average where as the first thing that the playschool leader said to me when i picked him up on the first day was "he is very bright. i could have hugged her. He was described as not being on asd spectrum scoring 7 with 8 being on even though 1. he destroyed my car after the 1st visit and prior to the 2nd visit he was violent and agressive and required 1 1/2 soak to calm him enough to put in pjs to get him out of house to assessment. This was not taken into account due to his behaviour during the test and the fact that his verbal comprehension out scored the tests that they could do with him due to exposure to social circumstances( ie not enough life experience to answer questions).

Very frustrated. Especially after the meltdowns of the last couple of days. However i do know that if the school dont get ed psyc in I can request he be seen and have an email of top ed psyc for this region as she was the one who helped me decide to remove ds from nursery. She would have seen him in the preschool setting if it had been school attached. She couldnt as it was a private nursery and they wouldnt have paid her fee (ed psyc words).

Sorry rambling will do the sensible thing and go to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be another day.

he relaxed and showed his normal crazy level of activity. Pead thought tired and was slightly thrown by the fact that he was hondered and ds had relaxed and it was normal state. Melatonine even more open to discussion.