Very bright yr 12 student cannot settle to study at all. Nothing we have tried helps.

[queenceleste]

Dd did very well at gcses getting mostly 9s.
She has a good memory and worked hard in class and mostly got her homework in. Also the school prepped them really well but she did find revising near impossible.
Now about to go into exams in year 12 and two terms very busy with everything extra curricular and she is very behind in her homework and appears paralyzed when trying to work. She feels too behind. Nothing helps her work at home at all.

She did a bit last night, got into it a bit but got distracted and appears to fall off the wagon into her phone.
We cannot get it away from her it’s impossible.

I feel this is maybe a known phenomenon. It’s incredibly hard watching so much potential just stuck. But I was similar, not as bright but found it beyond hard to get down to it.

She seems to not have the work ethic of resilience needed as it’s always been relatively easy in the past.

If anyone has seen this or has any advice - I would be so grateful.

Body doubling has worked wonders for my productivity. I’m much better working at work than bringing the work home to do. There’s too many distractions at home. I was the same when I was at school.

I have inattentive ADHD. Have you considered this as something your DD may be experiencing?

Well this is very odd for a good school not to have noticed, not to have mentioned in reports and not to have adjusted predicted grades.

Thank you all so much for this advice. I really appreciate it and am going to look into all your suggestions.
shes just sat down to work (🙌) and is interested in the idea of body doubling and trying it later! Thank you all xx fingers crossed and one step at a time! Xxx

walksspecial I agree & I need to talk to the right people next term.

catipuss 💕💕

Help her break the backlog into bitesized chunks and set a catch up timetable. Remove phone for the duration of the catchup sessions. Return it immediately afterwards.
She can't slip out of this to her phone if it is not physically there.
If she idles away the set times then there is nothing more you can do. You will have done your best.
There will be comeback from school or college and she can then confront the situation and decide the next steps with the teachers.

No it’s strange that none of this has been recognised by the school and you approached

So she did well in the last exams for her predicted grades to be AAA*? Her reports made no reference to any of what you have observed? No one has been in contact with how behind she is?

Body doubling worked really well for my ds’s gcses. But in sixth form he has been extremely resistant to any help (‘interference’) from me - I think they kept going on about how they ‘need to be independent’ etc etc at school. It’s very frustrating. So he refuses to work downstairs at rHe kitchen table now (which used to work really well pre-gcse). I am hoping I can persuade my eldest to take him to rHe library to work together when he is back from uni over Easter.

She has executive function issues or high anxiety. Or both.

Her drive and her sense of having a future may also be missing, or sidelined.

She needs to be seen by a MH specialist.

She might also need a tutor to hold her accountable and to teach her how to revise. The sheer volume of material at A level makes it difficult for some to know where to start.

My very bright ask daughter will panic when she gets overwhelmed by studying. Then if we push, she panics more and absolutely can’t learn. It’s a vicious cycle.

what works best is body doubling. I literally sit down next to her and study the same material. I have obtained copies of the materials for the subjects where this happens most often.

when She was 12, I worked in lockstep, problem by problem, page by page. Now that she is older she needs me less often. She also doesn’t always need me to be doing the same thing. Sometimes I just sit next to her and read or do my own work. Sometimes I am doing life admin.

The point is that I am sitting in a chair at the table next to her. If she feels stuck or feels panicked, I am right there to answer her questions.

this is a huge time commitment but it works. DH has had to pick up a bigger share of the evening household chores. He and dd just fight if he tries to fill the role.

There’s an app called Flora or fauna which blocks your phone while you study. You get competitive to see how long you can stay off the phone and study. Dd1 and my friends Dd were in competition with each other on it during gcse revision to see how long they could stay off the phone and both girls got all 9s with a few 8s

Thank you Pondering and Julietta, Mathanxiety - yes I am going to take her to see a therapist soon.

Walkspecial, I am a bit surprised as well but I am going to find out next term!

Reports?
How did she do in last exams?

Reports have been good and last exams were gcses and were great. I will talk to them next term

I always struggled to study at home - no idea why. I had my own room, a desk, chair, etc. but I couldn’t. What did help was studying in the local library or in the library at school with headphones in. I think the extra ‘buzz’ got me going. Something like that might work for your DD.

You need to take control over the situation. And you absolutely need to take her phone away. I’m not sure why you are saying you can’t, you are the adult and she is the child.

She’s had no exams all year?

You are presumably paying for this mobile bill?

Do you at least ask that she leave phone outside room by 10pm to ensure she’s not on it all night?

I agree she needs to learn skills but she still has a ton of homework which is late and needs to be submitted.

has she confided this to you?

It seems like you're a little hung up on the adhd self-diagnosis thing, so let's put that to one side for now.

She is demonstably struggling in the ways in which many of us recognise that ADHD women and girls often struggle. Whether or not sure has ADHD, she might well find it useful to employ some of the things that women and girls with ADHD find useful. No neurotypical person is harmed by trying out strategies that work for neurodiverse people.

Things that I find useful that I think she could explore:

Goblin.tools - particularly magic to do (to break down tasks into less overwhelming chunks with a tick list)

Lock Me Out on her phone (she can set time periods when she wants to not be able to browse social media etc)

Focusmate - a website for body doubling.

Continued...

Getting somebody to say "I bet you can't..." or "I challenge you to...". It engages the part of my brain that wants to fight against boundaries in a helpful way.

Get dopamine fix first. Dance and sing, exercise if it's enjoyable, craft, do a hobby, whatever most people would choose to do in the evening after work, do it before studying. NOT scroll on the phone. IF she does have ADHD, ADHD brains can't function before they have enough dopamine.

One thing I found helpful recently, was setting up a ‘daily goals’ WhatsApp group with a friend, and we each put maybe three tasks on that we want to achieve that day, and then tick them off (on the chat) when they are done - and I think you get a dopamine boost from ticking it off, and also from when your daily goals buddy responds / message to say ‘that’s great’ or ‘well done’ or just a heart or thumbs up…

Thank you Andworse, but I have never been hung up on any diagnosis quite the contrary. I was just listening to responses here. I couldn’t agree more but I have an open mind.

Thank you all so much