Very bright yr 12 student cannot settle to study at all. Nothing we have tried helps.

[queenceleste]

Dd did very well at gcses getting mostly 9s.
She has a good memory and worked hard in class and mostly got her homework in. Also the school prepped them really well but she did find revising near impossible.
Now about to go into exams in year 12 and two terms very busy with everything extra curricular and she is very behind in her homework and appears paralyzed when trying to work. She feels too behind. Nothing helps her work at home at all.

She did a bit last night, got into it a bit but got distracted and appears to fall off the wagon into her phone.
We cannot get it away from her it’s impossible.

I feel this is maybe a known phenomenon. It’s incredibly hard watching so much potential just stuck. But I was similar, not as bright but found it beyond hard to get down to it.

She seems to not have the work ethic of resilience needed as it’s always been relatively easy in the past.

If anyone has seen this or has any advice - I would be so grateful.

Well my DC isn’t self diagnosed and went through a thorough assessment process.

Sureky it’s worth reading up on the subject and discussing it with your DD?

Yes, I was going to post to say this. I suspect adhd in OPs dd as well… I was like this in my teens… I think at gcse you can potentially ‘get away’ with cramming just before the exam, but this becomes increasingly difficult with A levels - where it is a lot more subtle, and you really need to know / remember the content, but also understand it inside out, and have had loads of practice with practise papers (as the questions themselves can be very tricky). I have two teens with suspected adhd.. one is 18 (I can’t get him to agree to an assessment or meds), and massively struggling to keep on top of work, and only able to work effectively for about an hour a day on revision (despite sitting at the desk for 6 hours), which is not enough to reach potential in sixth form. He did relatively well in GCSEs - but is likely to only just pass at IB. It is so frustrating, as I suspect that meds or other strategies could really help - but unwilling to go down that route. It’s dopamine / adrenaline… needed for the brain to focus. High impact exercise can give a temporary dopamine hit, as can coffee, chocolate, sugar, very strong mints… but adhd meds could be life changing I suspect…

When did this slump begin? What’s been the feedback from the school in her reports? Predicted grades?

Yep, it all falls apart at this stage if you're bright and have adhd.

I could never settle to work. It is painful. It did end badly.

But you can't instil intrinsic motivation into her, she has to learn this for herself.

As someone said above, the strategies do work but she needs to apply them herself. I "failed" at A levels but it's worked itself out over the years and I'm now ok. It's not the end of the world.

There's only a few things that motivate someone with adhd and distant exams aren't one of them. Things need to be (one or more) of novel, of interest, time-critical or an emergency!

Phones/internet is constant dopamine, so it's always going to win over drudgery.

I came on to say ADHD.
What’s the harm in at least getting an assessment?
Will need to be private unfortunately due to waiting lists.

It’s classic ADHD description

Even if you don't want to apply the adhd process, you can work through the strategies with her, to lessen her anxiety.

Tbf, saying you tick every box yourself but feel too overwhelmed to do anything about it, is exactly what is happening to your DD.

And yes, I do have a diagnosis, not self-labelling...it's been very helpful, life is better now.

Of course, I have been reading about it a lot. But when I said to a few close friends a couple of years ago that I wondered about it they snorted as if it’s the excuse of lazy charlatans and that made me hide a bit in shame!

I think it is also becoming prominent at a time when huge companies are investing billions in distracting us to the point of being drones. So I find it hard to know what to believe in this environment. Particularly in trying to trust big pharma - I don’t feel their interests are uncomplicated.

But I will look into it and ask dd. Thank you.

I heard Armando Iannucci talk a little reluctantly about his diagnosis. He said his kids were diagnosed and they told him that he he obviously had it too. He said he uses medication only for focus for work and not for off time. He said it has made a huge difference.

I just feel that there is so much self diagnosis and that makes me feel sceptical.

Sounds like a severe case of procrastination which is caused by a fear of failure. She’s clearly bright. I used to work at a uni at the wellbeing desk and we had a lot of students come to counselling sessions specifically to work on their procrastination, which they discovered was due to fear of failure. Maybe look into that? It’s definitely a kind of paralysis. Perfectionistic traits etc.

ADHD or not social media is addictive.
The phone needs confiscating x many hours per day.

I’m really not sure where you think the self diagnosis thing is coming from? I have ADHD. Diagnosed in my mid-fifties after both DC were diagnosed.

My advice would be to read up on inattentive ADHD on good, evidence based website and then discuss it with DD.

It doesn’t matter what your views are on other people or on the drug companies and it doesn’t matter what your ignorant friend thinks either.

What does matter is that you have a DD who is struggling and many people on this thread are suggesting it may be ADHD. You need to at least explore this possibility.

There is a Teen Section on the SN bit on MN where you will probably find help on getting an assessment, if DD is willing, different medication available and strategies that can help now. I wish you both luck OP but you do have time now to finish and support your DD.

Have you spoke to them about how they are coping as for some subjects the jump between GCSEs and A’Levels is big and even with 9’s at GCSE some will still only get B at A’Level and that frustrates them.

Op what’s school reports saying and what has she been predicted?

Is she happy at the school? Good friends? Social life? Seems happy in herself?

I have ND dc (autism and suspected adhd (my youngest is on pathway for both, and recently had a Qb test which strongly suggested adhd)), and I can see lots of traits of both of these in myself. I am ‘okay’ but I have completely failed to meet my potential (I had a very high IQ as a child), but have really struggled in employment. I want my dc to self-actualise, and to have opportunities to meet their potential and have choices in life, and to not be completely held back by a disability that can be treated / supported / ameliorated.

I ended up inadvertently ‘self-medicating’ my way through school / university / work with sugar / carbs / chocolate / caffeine (forever chasing the dopamine highs, which enable me to function / focus), and as a result have just gained weight consistently through adulthood and have been obese for many years, something I hope my dc will avoid.

To be honest, whether you (or your dc) has an assessment for adhd, or gets a diagnosis of adhd, or is prescribed meds for adhd, is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, and I would just never speak to anyone about it (if you have encountered bad attitudes in the past). Just don’t tell anyone about it.

I came on to say ADHD too, and removing a phone is the very worst thing you can do to a young person that will make it 10 times worse, you need to find other ways - she's using the phone to cope with the overwhelm. "Body doubling" is important in ADHD, I have to sit with my DD for every piece of work she does and she's in 2nd year of uni now. Have a look on the ADHD Uk website see if your DD would read some of it with you? But yes, to me it sounds very typical.

And definitely do not give a shiny fuck about what other people think.

It's very possible she doesn't actually know how to learn.

It's very common with intelligent children.
Thet don't have to try as they instinctively get good grades due to a fantastic memory and strong intuition.

What is she like when it comes to things that don't comd naturally? Has she ever had to practice something multiple times before mastering it?

@queenceleste If you feel sceptical about adhd assessments, google Qb tests, they are objective, and give a very visual representation of what the issues are. It is very shocking to see (from the graphs and visuals) just how different an adhd brain vs a NT brain..
edited to add: they now use them in children’s adhd assessments woth the NHS, and they are not considered fully diagnostic (as the questionnaires and assessment by a clinician has to happen as well) but they can provide solid evidence of the issues (activity / inattention / impulsiveness)..

School have not been in touch with me as she is very involved with activities and is well regarded plus her predicted grades are still A A A. But I know she has tons of work not handed in. I will definitely try to see someone next term.

Less happy socially, a big group of friends but it is quite competitive and not as nurturing as she would like I think.

Thank you Perhaps, I will look at this.

thank you Random. I think she is generally fairly able at things.

But I think academically she doesn’t seem to have the resolve you need to push through a tough piece of work. She kind of panics and then falls into very determined distraction.

looks just like I me 😫

Thank you for this Perhaps, your description of yourself is very relatable 💕💕

This was (and is) me. I’m in a responsible job working for a major university. I have a BA and a MSc with Merit. I’ve never been able to work for long stints and I absolutely never revised, the best I managed was memorising my Latin gcse whilst ironing. I still achieved three As and I was clever enough at grammar school to work out which homework was essential, which I could scam my way through and which I could ignore.
Occasionally I went to the local library with a bag full of colourful pens to try and do some work but I’d usually give up after 40mins and go and buy a coffee and a cake.

My parents had the position that they gave me all the opportunities, it was up to me to do the rest. If I messed around and messed up, that was my risk to take. I got three As (before A*s were a thing). 4 if you include GS.

Honestly, I’d leave her to it.

In work now, I sometimes put pomodoro method on YouTube and try to follow that, but mostly I flit between projects and have ended
up in a role where I’m doing 50different things a day. And sometimes I need to work late to get something in by a deadline.
I also thrived in retail management previously because I was on my feet all day and talking to people.

edit to add: have you tried body doubling? If you do want to intervene, if she works better at school this might be what she needs.

@DecisionTime123 cell phone doom scrolling or waiting to hear from friends is 100% problematic for all children and more so for adhd children. exercise is a much better way to get the dopamine flowing in a healthy way vs coping with the phone. take the phone away op for certain times of the day. encourage a brisk am walk/bike or jog before settling down to work.

Thank you Marauding that is a tempting but challenging approach for us!
I agree Breaking absolutely.
thank you all for your advice.

I’ve just added a note about body doubling, might be worth a try.

She's terribly stressed, you know you should work, you want to work, but you just can't. I've been there.