What do you do if hypersensitive DC can't ignore your DC who feeds off negative attention?

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

I've posted here because I've read that her intelligence could be the reason she finds it so difficult to ignore him.

It seems unfair to ask her to ignore him when she finds it impossible, but how else can I improve his behaviour? Should I teach her to love bomb him?

I do agree that she's a snowflake Scabbersley, and she drives me nuts.

My friend swears by 123 Magic which runs courses on parenting. Honestly, you can't allow a 6 year old to spit. I don't have many rules and regulations, but no spitting is definitely one of them. But taking away the tablet isn't having any effect, is it, as he just plays Lego instead.

I wouldn't be visiting a cafe any time soon with a child who stands on tables to wind his sister up either, I'd remove and leave the premises.

If you can sort out his behaviour in a calm way, and encourage her a bit towards independence, this might sort itself out.

I think the living situation is very difficult, and once they are a boy of 11 and and a girl of 15 in puberty it's going to be simply awful, they will need some separate space- I would even be prepared to sacrifice my own bedroom for that. It is hard though, I know, I'm also in rental.

standing on tables and spitting is disgusting behaviour.

Does your dh ever get involved in the parenting? You sound like you could do with a hand.

Summerswallow I suspect she has ASD. I don't usually wear makeup, and I did a video shoot, so obviously I was made up, when I went to pick her up, she burst into tears and said I didn't look like Mummy. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of patience with things like that.

She might just be very controlling rather than have asd.

We've stopped going to cafés Summerswallow.

When you say spitting, do you mean blowing raspberries (normal) or spitting (not normal)? Standing on tables in cafes, is this frequent or a one-off? Anything else?

you need to move somewhere with three bedrooms for a start.

Scabbersley, DH doesn't often get involved, and when he does he's not very effective. Also, he tends to use a lot of "don'ts", and if you say "don't" to DS2 he'll do it again.

I mean spitting. He used to stand on tables in cafés very frequently, we just don't go now.

We wouldn't get that on the council, and we can't afford it privately.

oh dear. It all sounds very tiring. I hope you can sort something out. Its a shame your dh is as much use as a wet lettuce. You need to be absolutely 100% together on this.

If you think your eldest has ASD, then surely the most obvious thing to do is to get her seen by someone who may be able to move forward a diagnosis. On the one hand you are saying she's a special snowflake, on the other you are saying she may have a disorder. I really think the parenting required in those situations is not the same, and would need modifying if her world is too overwhelming for her. Starting with not sharing with a small very loud very annoying boy. Even if you have to move him in with you temporarily.

Mine cried when I changed my glasses, they sobbed for ages. That was snowflake behaviour but wasn't a sign of anything deeper. If this is, you need to act. If this is, she can't be expected to love-bomb, if she has ASD!

I am quite confused by your posts, it seems littered with explanations (she's G &T, intelligent, snowflake, poss ASD, sensitivities) and it doesn't really make sense to me. I think some of this needs clarifying before you put a plan in place of how to solve it.

It's not worth the argument.

I thought if you had a girl and a boy over a certain age, they would allow another bedroom? No idea if this applies to you or if it would bump you up the waiting list though, might be worth finding out as it's intolerable all round.

Is there any possibility of using one of the big rooms for the living room and you and DH having the tiny room as a bedroom? Are they getting enough sleep? It sounds like they're both behaving like exhausted toddlers.

Regarding the punishments, DD is 7 and the idea of banning something for a week wouldn't work at all.

Do they go and play at friends' houses?

Yes, the council would say you're entitled to three bedrooms once your daughter is 11. Or is it that there isn't any council housing available in your area? Them sharing isn't really fair once she begins puberty anyway, she needs her own space if you can possibly find a way to get it.

Summerswallow I think a lot of those things go together. We definitely know she's GAT, unless school have got it wrong, but she's doing an extra maths course on Saturday mornings because she's bored with maths at school, all this fucking "mastery of the subject" bollocks, she can read and understand pretty much anything. She does have sensory issues but seems to be growing out of them, she does have autistic traits: walking on tiptoes, still needing me to go through the leaving-the-house routine step by step every day, even though she's been doing it since she was 2.

Summerswallow makes a very good point. You need to come to a conclusion of what they are and learn what works/ doesn't work. Does ds behave in school? If so, what do they do that helps him behave? The SENCo thinks he's ADHD, why don't CAMHS? (I got an ADHD diagnosis for ds1 when none of us really thought it was the case, but they had no other answers).

I think you do need to make a decision (diagnoses or not) whether your kids are ADHD/ ASD or even borderline those things. An ADHD and ASD child together is going to create conflict and if you really read up/ go on the SN boards here on how to deal with each child, you will be able to get help/ ideas to try.

Op has she ever been put forward for assessment?

Evelyn if we put a double bed in the tiny room, there'd be no room to move, and no one would be able to get into the kitchen. Also there'd be nowhere to eat or watch TV. I suspect that we'll have to go on the council list, possibly without DH, as he's resistant unless I can guarantee us having a garden.

Merry DS behaves in school because he barely sees DD. He only does it to her.

No user, I think that's something I'd have to do through the GP as well, as she doesn't have any problems at school.

Ah right, I hadn't realised it was the route into the kitchen, sorry.

Yes, it's at the end of the lobby at the back of the house, the TV room, then at the far end a doorway into the kitchen. DH had to take the door off, as there wasn't any room in the TV room when it was open.