What do you do if hypersensitive DC can't ignore your DC who feeds off negative attention?

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

I've posted here because I've read that her intelligence could be the reason she finds it so difficult to ignore him.

It seems unfair to ask her to ignore him when she finds it impossible, but how else can I improve his behaviour? Should I teach her to love bomb him?

Could he got to football with your dh on a Saturday and you do something with dd? Or the other way around, or just whatever sport he fancies?

If kids have a sofa and a tablet they will say they are tired!!

zzzzz I forgot they also have a class rota for use of dodge ball, football and cricket pitches at lunchtime.

Zzzz, I'm not sure what you're on about with comparison being the thief of joy. Unless you think I'm making myself miserable wishing my DS would just lie on the sofa soundlessly and then fall asleep? Which does sound quite good, but I'd also be worried because I don't think that's normal for a six year-old. Do you have a six year-old? They're like Duracell bunnies.

I am not in the UK BTW, so I suppose it's possible that kids here are more energetic.

This sounds like my two - DS is 5 but DD is 3 and yes she pretends DS has hit her and does a fake cry!
We praise DD for not crying when he hisses at her (yeah, I know). Praise DS when he plays nicely without bothering her. Send them to separate spaces if it's getting silly. Agree about making anyone messing around on the way to school having to hold hands.
A week! For a 6 yo! That's insane.

I know what the phrase means. I just don't see how it's relevant here. I was trying to help by suggesting there might be an issue with him being lethargic. I would genuinely be concerned by it. It's normal to be that exhausted when starting school at four, but six year olds are bundles of energy. I'd want to check whether there was a carbon monoxide issue or anaemia or something.

My two this morning:

5yo making horrible hissing/Donald Duck/roaring noises. DD is on the verge of crying.

Me to 3yo DD: DS is being silly. Let's leave him to be silly upstairs on his own. We'll go and get our coats on.

DD calmed down, DS followed us but he didn't succeed in making DD cry which was his aim.

I end up forcing DS2 to hold my hand and trying to get DD to walk on ahead, but that upsets her even more.

Your dd is nearly at secondary, so at a practical level, can be walking alone/gaining independence really soon so you won't have to do everything altogether.

I would prioritise your dd getting her own room, even if it is a tiny box room/small space/you have to swap bedrooms, if there is any way you can, more than anything else she needs space and to get on with her homework, I don't think a partition is enough unless it's a proper one where they end up with a mini room each.

At the mo, neither child has the incentive to change as both get heaps of attention from you and make sure you are constantly focused on them instead of getting on with your own life. I think your dd is ready to move on from constantly squeaking/crying/yelping over what's going on in life, and even if she does have sensitivities, this won't go down well with friends or in secondary- so I'd be looking to help her move up maturity-wise in terms of going places without her annoying 6 year old brother.

And, the punishments are totally excessive and I think your son has decided he might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and is just going to lose everything anyway so might as well have a bit of fun with it!

What exactly does he do to upset her? Examples?

Your dd sounds like a bit of a snowflake tbh. Tell her to calm down and stop making such a fuss. ALL children are sensitive sometimes. You could do with teaching her a bit of resilience and sense of humour before she goes to secondary.

Has she got a friend she could walk with?

What exactly does he do to upset her? Examples?

Yes, this would be helpful to know.

The only way DD would realistically get her own room is if we moved. We couldn't walk through her bedroom to the kitchen. We can't put in a stud wall as our landlord wouldn't allow it, and sends someone round once a year to "count and measure the rooms".

Scabbersley their school forbids them to walk to school without an adult before yr6, which is next year.

Two up, two down, two adults, two children kind of thing?
Does the front door open into the living room?
Sounds like a lot of houses near us.

Anyway, what exactly is it that your DS does that winds up DD so much?

There's no friends nearby who also walk with their parents? dd3 used to skip on ahead with her friend while me and dd3s friends mum chatted behind. It was nice, I miss it tbh!

Spits at her, breathes on her, in cafés, stands on tables while I'm at the counter, anything that he knows will make her freak out.

Fair enough, thought it was worth a try to mention as I have an older child who likes their own space and is introverted, and I think having her own room away from her bubbly bouncy in your face sister has meant they have a better relationship as it's a choice rather than necessity. No lounge? Son in with you til he can stop winding his sister up?

With your older child, either she may have undiagnosed special needs which makes her very sensitive, or perhaps a situation has arisen where you have rather allowed her sensitivities to run the show. There is no reason why intelligent girls can't be emotionally mature and quite robust in their interactions with others. I'd be linking her behaviour (so not shrieking/crying/running to mum/having to walk with you to school) to getting more independence to her benefit- so perhaps if she is more mature, she can be allowed to have a sleepover, or to go into town with you hovering around with one friend, or even walk to school a short way on her own (I used to park a way away and let them walk together to build up independence from Year 3 onwards). Otherwise the payoff for her in stopping being so sensitive is just less time with you and less attention for herself- if she starts to see that there are benefits to behaving more maturely and rising above it, then she might be more motivated.

The six year old, I'd remove and only punish with things in the same day that make sense- so make a rude remark/poke sister, you don't get to choose which side you walk on. I wouldn't start taking away everything for what is minor sibling stuff really, and he's 6, so can't be expected to be more mature than a 10 year old!

drspouse 2 bedroom basement flat, 2 adults, 2 children. Tiny kitchen, TV room and bathroom, massive bedrooms.

OK, that's really bad behaviour by a six year old.

This is not about her being wound up, it's about him not being worried about doing things like that with you around- so your parenting.

She doesn't need to learn how to love-bomb him, she needs you to step in and stop him spitting and standing on tables in a cafe.

I would take away a lot of things for spitting or standing on a table in a cafe.

The issue is yours to solve though, not hers. She is just amplifying it by then getting attention off you for his misdemeanour, but sorting out his bad behaviour is 100% your issue with your husbands to solve, not hers!

Scabbersley DD just waves at her friends we meet on the way to school. She doesn't even say "hello."

That's the TV room Summerswallow, and that's what we do anyway. He goes in there and flops, DD goes in their room and flops on the bed.