Tutor thinks DD is G&T school don't - WWYD ?

[Hideehi]

My DD moved from a crap private school to a good state one, but we knew there were issues with her maths so we found a good tutor for her to see twice a week and all has been going well.
However the tutor basically says DD's writing and drawing is exceptional and her reading is very good too, she regularly does 8 year olds homework, but she doesn't seem to show this in class.
The school think she is struggling with reading (i know this is not true) and last week despite getting 10/10 on her spellings in the morning she got 4/10 in the class test.
What on earth is going on ? I thought she was happier in the state school she has more friends who are like us if you know what i mean and has lots of treats, the theatre, holidays, nice outings etc.
Just not sure how to make the school see the child the tutor sees ?

I want that tutors job

getting them to lay on the grass with their eyes shut while I read Heat for an hour

sorted

i have never taken mine leaf colllecting
theya re all still sane
i think this poster doenst want advcie

yes agree re advice

The difference i suspect batters is that i'm honest about it and with 5 kids leaf collecting isn't very high on my list of things to do when we've got a spare 5 mins, i'd like to see you get through my day.

Agree with Cod - this poster doesn't want advice. Maybe she wants to brag, maybe she wants validation of her choices, but she doesn't want advice or opinions.

How sad that any mother would rather pay a tutor to collect leaves and lie on the grass with her daughter than do it herself - and then kid herself that she's doing the best thing for her child.

And as for the poster who wants IQ testing for a three year old ... barking. Poor little three year old.

And if you read the orginal post before the broomstick brigade arrived, I just wanted to ensure that we were all working together. Not interested in G&T if you want the truth I'd be as upset to find out she was a G&T as I would be a SEN, with 5 above average is just fine.

do they all have tutors?

2 are 4 weeks old so I thought i'd leave them a while, what do you think ?

so three of them do? Isn't it expensive?

It's still cheaper than the private school we were paying for.

Look if you've come for an argument i'm not interested. I'm not interested in validating my choices or whether anyone thinks my kids are bright or not, I know their abilities. All I wanted was some advice on how to communicate with the teachers at state school it is very different from private school, the teachers I find are much busier.

I think if you are trying to convince the school that dd is g and t you are probably on a hiding to nowhere if she doesn't appear to have any exceptional talent in school

Hideehi, is it possible that you are projecting your own lack of achievement or sense of failure on to your daughter? I see that you say you are worried about concentration as both you & your DH lack that?
To be really honest, six is still very young. In many mainland European countries children are only just starting mainstream education at this stage.
I think most children will do better with one to one attention than in a class room, so it isn't wholly surprising that your daughter achieves more with one on one tutoring than she would at school.
See what the teacher has to say, but please don't be too anxious at this stage.
Good luck

I'm not trying to suggest that you are a failure or haven't achieved by other people's standards - it is just that is what you have implied in some of your posts. Don't want to cause offense.

why do people push their children this much at this age? dd1 is happy doing ehr after school reading, her once a week homework and then going out to play with her sisters.

dd2 however is exceptionally bright (not gifted and talented) and we spend a lot of time doing puzzles and activiity work books with her(she is 4years old) but she chooses to do this. the books are there, if she wants to do them thehn she brings them over to us. i dont make it structured at all. one week she might work on them for 3 or 4 days (about 30mins each time) other times she doesnt touch them

The difference is basic
Money
You pay, you get told what you want to hear.
And an ed psych for 3 yr old for IQ testing
I've been pilloried on here previously for sounding like a pushy mother about my ds, he was assessed by an ed psych (informally friend of his fathers - without my knowledge actually) when he was 7.
I knew my son was very bright from an early age, I also knew that he would still be bright when he was older.
My focus was that he enjoy his childhood as much as possible before the academic pressures needed to be applied.

I do understand HDH, actually reading between the lines
Tutor saying one thing, school saying the opposite. FWIW the school are the ones who aply the G+T label at primary level, so you can only make them aware of what her tutor has said, that her particular ability in writing be nurtured within a normal class environment BUT schools are great at puling the plug on creative writing I'm sad to say.

This thread has gone very odd.

Don't you think there is a perfectly sensible question among all this? Which is, "my child seems to show out of school a potential which she isn't showing at school"?

The G&T stuff is a red herring and a distraction. Instead imagine you had a child who swam happily whenever you take him/her to the pool yourself, but school swimming lessons are a disaster. Surely it is perfectly logical and right to try and find out why there's such a mismatch? And any good school teacher would surely want to know that there's a mismatch - not to be told that the child is actually a swimming genius & due for the Olympics - just that there seems to be a mismatch.

I'd suggest to hideehi that she show the teacher some of her daughter's work done with the tutor, and leave it with the teacher to think about, and then have a chat in due course about what it might be about the circumstances of the tutoring which suits her daughter so much better, so that perhaps ideas from the tutoring might be tried in school.

Tia, see your health visitor first and discuss your findings and others opinions on your child's abilities. She will assess the your child and take into account your comments and it is really up to her to put you in touch with an ed psychologist is she thinks there is a case.

They carry out several tests on the child and give you a written report on their findings. Your success with fast tracking or having extra help with their education is up to the education departments policy in your area.

However, I see you have a different approach, good luck.

One for the sceptics on early encouragement of a seemingly bright child.
Having spoken with a child psychologist who has been practicing since the early 1970's, he made it very clear that you shouldnt leave a bright child until it is too late. Their absorbtion levels are far greater now than later when they are readily distracted.

His analogy was a house built on good firm foundations.

I fully understand the need not to be pushy as pushy in this instance I understand is a parent pushing a child that truly isnt capable or interested.

Pushy encites rebellion later and lets face it bright kids can be very full on so it can cause you other problems later on.

I was very careful when I made my decision to take it a step further.

"I believe she is very talented and am terrified she will end up like most of my family, very bright and achieving feck all."

From my own personal experience (and I'm sure many people will back me up) I have seen many exceptionally bright people who have achieved a lot in life in terms of career (which I assume is what you are referring to) but are not particularly happy. I would far rather have a child who was average but happy than one who achieved a high degree of acadamic success but was sad and lonely (not saying that is inevitable but it is not uncommon).

Tena AS IF!
I have a dd with SN, the waiting list for her to see an ed psych for her statementing has been over 7 mths
If I found a child had been got in over dd to see if they needed fast tracking to school then I'd be livid
quite honestly
And I say that as mother of a another G+T child who had no special provision at all in early primary - because teaching those who struggle is more important at that stage IMHO

hideehi,

is dd a shy child out of the home?

I haven't had any problems communicating with the teachers at DD's state school, they are very accessible and happy to discuss anything I need to as long as I use my common sense about when to approach them. I do need to maybe a little more often as DD has dyspraxia and is on the SN register. I think you will find that performance at home will vastly differ to that in a class room, there are all kinds of other variables that come into play that will affect how she does in a test, compared to what she does with a tutor.

For what it's worth, my opinion is that you sound really worried that if you don't try to channel your DD's energies now that she won't achieve what she may be capable to do at a later stage. From what I have seen though it is fairly common to find that children who get a lot of extra help eg maths tutoring, languages etc, very early on are in danger of academically burning out at a later stage. Being a child is a really important skill to have - plenty of time to chill out, be with friends, making things out of bits they find round the house , interact with the world & people around them are hugely hugely important at this age. And it is engaging with their environment in an interested way, learning to appy knowledge they learn in this way to other situations that is the key to success, be it academic or more vocational, in later life.

tenalady, my dd2 is ahead in some areas, as much as 2 years ahead. she is on the same level as dd1 for logic and use of language. but she has a speech delay and low muscle tone. imagine the conflict going on with dd2, as she can do the puzzles set before her, and loically go do them, but getting then to click into place is hard for her. she can put togehter complext sentances but she cant be understood (i can, but i am her mum).

i am not pushing her to be put a year ahead, as she isnt mature enough to cope right now. she is 4years old, and i think she needs to be able to interact with children of the same age regardless of their abilities.

my distant cousin was doing uni stage work at the age of twelve, he had been fast tracked throug hschool, was extremely bright, mensa etc ect, but he wernt off thr rails as i think he really wasnt able to cope with the pressure.

I understand your frustration misdee, that is quite true these are some of the issues the child psychologist will explore in their assessment, that is as to whether the child is emotionally ready to be moved on too.