"don't know" versus "Can't be bothered"

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

DD is 7 in year 3 of a new school and the teacher wants to get her assessed. She says DD's comprehension is behind her peers. DD is a free reader and has a reading age of 11 (or did last we heard at her old school)

She refuses to answer comprehension questions a lot...(mostly) but I KNOW that she understands the concepts...she's quite sophisticated in her use of language and has a very funny off beat sense of humour. She could speak at one and had full and lengthy conversations with me at 18 motnths.

Her teacher I think is at her wits end and this is why she wants DD assessed. I know I might be blinded by her being my lovely DD....but I just don't see that she has any difficulties processing information which is what the teacher thinks.

How CAN she when she is able to read a book and then discuss it with me afterwards...always asking pertinent and challenging questions?

(Of course the teacher the expert mind you and I am not saying she's anything other than that)

However...if something bores DD she is almost impossible to move....rather bloody minded... she struggles with maths but her spelling ability is excellent.

What's up with my DD then? Any ideas or suggestions as to what it could be? She is good socially...lots of invitations etc...forms some nice friendships...but she IS self contained.

Um, I think I'll go back to my original post.

If you think her 'problems' ( real or imaginary) are down to her being gifted (and/or in a new school) just encourage them to assess her. The ep can't dx spectrum issues anyway (which is what they are banging on about) but will definitely give a full and comprehensive picture of where she is at academically. Because all they can really do. So get the assessment done (after checking which tests will be carried out - must include wechsler or wiat or other academic testing) then once the ep gets the results, you can wave them at the ht and say 'I told you so'.

If the ep thinks she is on the spectrum after that, you'll just get a referral to a developmental pediatrician or camhs and they will look at the whole picture, not just the school one. There is no way that dd will pick up an ASD dx just because a ht has a school concern.

Look, two of mine have additional needs as well as being gifted. (the third one is just gifted. I only use the term because it's what the professionals use - I just prefer bright, or to understand that in some or all areas they are working above the average academically). In every case, the psych testing has been really accurate. And once you have got the proof in writing by a professional that dd should be working above average academically, you can discuss with school why she is not. And both try and help her reach her potential.

I have no idea whether your dd is gifted, or whether she is on the spectrum, or both. But an assessment, rather than entering into a lengthy wrangle with school, will tell you. Assessment is nothing shameful. They run the same tests for gifted kids as they do for those with lds to a large extent.

Ep's are v good at getting the best of reluctant participants. But most kids love a good bit of full on fun 1-1 time with an adult, particularly one who is there to make them at ease and give them a fun couple of hours. Testing isn't scary. And it will confirm whether she is gifted as you suspect. Let them do it. Encourage it. Tell the school that you both want the best for dd and believe that testing might be helpful to identify where her strengths and weaknesses lie, so that both school and home can support her better. At the moment it is all guesswork.

Either that or pay for a private assessment. The downside to this is that school won't get to put their penn'orth forward and so will have a bag on. It will be easier in the long term to work with school. At the mo you differ on whether there is an issue or not. Once you have found out, you can either work on it, or put it to bed.

Like OOBE I would urge you to go with having an assessment. You are clearly terribly upset by all of this, and the potential implications for your DD. But reagardless of any assessment she is, and always will be, your wonderful DD - no assessment or 'label' will change her from being the wonderful and precious child she is. A thorough and professional assessment will answer your questions and give you and the school the answers you need. Don't avoid an assessment because you are scared it could give you some kind of definitive answer indicating ASD/PDD. The school have been cack handed and should be trying to reassure you, not bully you into something. But, regardless of that - and treat their behaviour as the separate issue it is - you need to answer your concerns for your DD. If she is stressed and unhappy, gifted or ASD, or all or none of these I think you, as mum, will benefit from understanding more of what is going on with her. The school would not be pushing so hard if they did not have real concerns - that does not mean they are right in what they suggest and it does not mean they have dealt with the issue well in the way they have spoken to you (I think it is disgusting). But, it is a separate issue from whether you and your DD would benefit from the information an assessment will provide. I've worked with lots of kids who seemed 'a lttle ADD' and were not. I've worked with kids who were, and needed that diagnosis to get them the support they needed. Only a qualified expert can assess your DD for ASD/PDD; and no teachers' opinion can influence the outcome of that assessment. Teachers are not qualified to make a judgement about whether your daughter is on the spectrum no matter how long they have been teaching. Your daughter may have no difficulties, she may have some kind of difficulty with processing she may be on the spectrum but I don't think you can go on as you are. For you own peace of mind organise (indepently if it gives you more confidence in the findings) an assessment. My heart really goes out to you; instead of working with you to reassure you they are doing their best to support your DD the school have alienated you and filled you with fear. The only thing, I think, that can now reduce your fear and anxiety is a professional and unbiased assessment of your DD. If you do go for an assessment do make sure you have some data/input from her previous school to help balance what is going on just now as it may be she is suffering some stress from the move. Also ask the school to ensure that things like the refusal to undress in PE are not linked to bullying.

Not sure I understand why you wouldn't want an assessment. What are you afraid of? Rather than thinking the other school was better it may be worth considering that the other school didn't properly consider your dd. If there are no issues then the assessment can't make them up.

I pushed for an assessment mainly to show ds's horrible yr 1 teacher that there was nothing wrong with ds and it was all about her. I think we were both surprised by the outcome. It was a surprise but a positive thing as ds got the help he needed.

Getting the assessment was the best thing we ever did. It was worth every penny to cure the anxiety of not knowing and the constant worrying and reading too much into everything. Whatever the outcome, it is much better to know what you are dealing with.

Try and read the Misdiagnosis book - it is really enlightening and very true in our case. Just because they tick lots of boxes does not necessarily mean that they have AS. And if they do have AS then knowing will help you do the best for your child.

A round of applause to OOBE and Adoptmama - you have said it much much better than I managed! :)

However, I completely understand why you might not want an assessment - I went through a similar process last year, and it was hell, I have to be honest. So I understand exactly how it feels. You have to be ready to have an assessment and it's extremely difficult to approach it calmly and positively in the middle of the shock and turmoil, made worse by the cack-handed communication from school staff!

But - and I can only reiterate my own experience here, really - things after our assessment are so much better than they were before, and hopefully that gives you courage. I would encourage you to consider the assessment too, OP, even when I know exactly how scary it is.