"don't know" versus "Can't be bothered"

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

DD is 7 in year 3 of a new school and the teacher wants to get her assessed. She says DD's comprehension is behind her peers. DD is a free reader and has a reading age of 11 (or did last we heard at her old school)

She refuses to answer comprehension questions a lot...(mostly) but I KNOW that she understands the concepts...she's quite sophisticated in her use of language and has a very funny off beat sense of humour. She could speak at one and had full and lengthy conversations with me at 18 motnths.

Her teacher I think is at her wits end and this is why she wants DD assessed. I know I might be blinded by her being my lovely DD....but I just don't see that she has any difficulties processing information which is what the teacher thinks.

How CAN she when she is able to read a book and then discuss it with me afterwards...always asking pertinent and challenging questions?

(Of course the teacher the expert mind you and I am not saying she's anything other than that)

However...if something bores DD she is almost impossible to move....rather bloody minded... she struggles with maths but her spelling ability is excellent.

What's up with my DD then? Any ideas or suggestions as to what it could be? She is good socially...lots of invitations etc...forms some nice friendships...but she IS self contained.

That's disgraceful mollieO

When we had a meeting to discuss our dd's report we were told that the differences in dd between home and school were down to dd being naughty and playing home off against school,i was so at that but your story is something else!

I was horrified at the time but realised that her view of SPs was women living on benefits. I figured that she assumed someone else paid ds's school fees and I sat at home doing nothing but indulging ds's every whim. That was so far removed from reality that it wasn't worth bothering with once I had the apology etc.

Interestingly she came out of retirement and took ds's class last week. I didn't realise until I read the homework diary where she had written ds had done no work in class all week. Ds earlier in the week had told me he and his friends were making rockets out of lego and firing at the light fittings during lesson times and the teacher hadn't noticed! I thought that was odd but it made sense once I found out it was her! I wrote a comment that the lack of work was hardly surprising bearing in mind what I'd heard had been going on in class.

When she first mentioned assesing DD I said "Do you suspect she is on the Spectrum?" and she nodded...and then the next day when that had sunk in, I went to see her to get smoe clarity and she almost immediately said "Let's go to see the HT as she can explain better than me..."

It felt as though she had told the HT that she regretted nodding about the spectrum thing as when I mentioned it they both sat straight up and the HT said "We're ALL probably on the spectrum somewhere...it's not a thing we should worry about."

And when the teacher said "X does sometimes not want to play with her friends...she would not join in today with her friends."

THe HT said "THe child is entitled to a quiet lunchtime once in a while!" and said DD had done very well fittng in considering the move was with little warning.

The teacher will only make vague alusions to "processing" and that's all. Can I ask her for more information re this processing?

I have often thought something was a bit off kilter with DD but could not put my finger on what. She makes friends, has a great and sophisticated sense of humour...really appreciates the absurd. She talks well and can empathise with others...she is not a very active child....although she is quite good at gymastics and dancing but often wants to sit in her room after school and play or ride her bike outside if it's dry.

I'd ask and I'd also ask what form of tests they want to do - they will have a name and I'm sure someone on MN will be able to give you info or point you in the right direction.

I would recommend checking out a book called Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults. www.amazon.com/Misdiagnosis-Diagnoses-Gifted-Children-Adults/dp/0910707642

We were taken down the spectrum route by teachers and even an EP and it caused a lot of anxiety and distress. Eventually, we paid to see a highly qualified Clinical Psycholgist who diagnosed a high IQ (and dyslexia). It sounds like your instincts are the ones that should be trusted. In my opinion, a child who appreciates the absurd and has a sophisticated sense of humour is unlikely to be on the spectrum. My understanding is that children on the spectrum like routines and have a lot of anxiety. I am no expert and could be wrong but in my experience, teachers and even EPs are not always correct.

Thank you ...niceweather thats the first time I have felt a bit better since all this began. Your mention of instincts have made me feel quite secure again...because it's true...a parents instincts are often correct.

I am concerned though that we don't get taken down the wrong path to begin with...its this which has made me contemplate saying no to an assesment.

I suppose I could pay for a clinical psychologist....where do I find the best for the jb though? Am in Cheshire.

As i said earlier chas i would highly recommend peter congdon,he was actually recommended to me on MN!

So you did MrsShears! Thank you...have been and looked him up...is he very expensive? It won't be an easy task to find a lot of money but would FAR rather that than risk a crappy assesment.

Also...do you thnk the school will get uppity if I ask them to hold of on their assesment...I won't mention that I am going private...just that I want her to have more time to settle in.

No he was very reasonable,£400 for both the report and assessment.
The only thing i would say is if you want to use the report for school purposes they may be reluctant to accept it as ours has,however for yourself it may provide more of an insite into your dd and peace of mind for yourselves,we were told that the characteristics of being highly gifted or asd are very similair.
I dont think it would be unreasonable of you to tell the school you would rather see how things go for the time being.

Why would the school not accept it? I mean it's not like he's some quack! He's highly respected! And this is why I am a bit back footy about schools and any institutions in general!

I can't believe they are so up themselves that a school would not accept a report by an expert like that!

My dd is at an 'outstanding' top of the league tables school,the school has become very complacent and accepting my dd's report would be admitting they got it wrong.
That said there have been lots of noises recently that dd is doing really well at x and massive improvement in z etc and the school's attitude seems to have changed towards us as a family alot no doubt it will be down to something 'they' have done rather than the fact dd's report is right and she is actually highly gifted,it grates but as long as my dd is ok and gets what she needs i can suck it up.

I'd question how much benefit an EP assessment without the opportunity of the EP observing your ds in school.

I see what you are saying mollieO, the main benefit for myself and dh was that we werent deluded and our gut instict was correct.

MrsShears my DDs school is also outstanding and very top of the league too...is this why they are a bit gung ho about testing her?

I hear of people struggling for a long time to get their DC assessed...and here we are...bunged in after a term!

Thinking about it a bit more...I will speak to the teacher, ask WHICH test will be done...then I will come bck here and get more advice.

Does that sound like a good plan?

And....after they assess her (if I let them) then would she get an EP? Or is that dependant on results?

The school would usually recommend an EP if they thought that is what was needed to assess your dd. In my ds's case the deputy head said she would stake her professional reputation on ds not needing to see an EP. She really liked him and got his quirkiness etc so I trusted her judgement.

I would certainly find out more about what test it is exactly and what they are going to offer your dd depending on the outcome.

there are some very knowledgable people on here with regards to testing,one is madwomanintheattic although i think she is currently posting as anoutofbodyexperience she may be able to offer some good advice.

Thank you all so much. DH can't understand why I am so stressed...I am trying to chill...but feel upset a lot about this.

I will speak to the teacher (again!) on Monday after school.

And then come back here.

Good luck,let us know how you get on

I will do for sure. Thank you very much again.

My son was seen several times over the years by various EPs and they made general observations and suggestions which on the whole were were correct and helpful - "move him off the bottom table" being the most memorable. But they didn't actually get to the root of the problem which was the high IQ combined with the dyslexia, which with hindsight, was blindingly obvious and staring them in the face. The clinical pyscho we paid to see was Head of Clinical Child Psychology at a big city hospital and he was clearly in a different league.

But, I would hold fire on forking out as the school EP may well come back with some innocuous recommendations and allay all your fears. If they increase your worries then perhaps that's the time to see a real expert.

Here is another link to that book where you can actually read quite a bit of it:
books.google.co.uk/books?id=NQrtt-peg5AC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false

And here are some quotes taken out of it:
thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/2010/05/book-quotes-differentiating-giftedness.html

The book was actually recommended to me by the NAGC and it totally fits with where they got it wrong with my son.

Thanks very much niceweather can you tell me please what were the characteristics that in hindsight made it blindingly obvious about his high IQ?

I keep thinking I am being silly...and that it's just a simple LD. but that I'm trying to avoid that because naturally no parent wants their child to struggle...but then being on here I've seen that giftedness often goes hand in hand with a struggle anyway!

You can't win!

I would say that if you had a conversation with him and asked him a few questions then within 2 minutes it would be quite clear that he was quite bright. He is very articulate and expressive with his verbal language. He is at secondary school now and was picked up as being G&T by the G&T co-ordinator on his induction day on the strength of his verbal abilities. It was never acknowledged at Junior school, even with test results in hand. In fact, he was seen as a problem!

I worry about DDs shyness mainly...she won't really open up with strangers at all. I am concerned that an assessor...unless very skilled...won't get the real DD. Only the grumpy monosyllabic one that has her teacher concerned in the first place.