Worried about my meeting with school

[mrsshears]

I have a meeting coming up with my 5yr old dd's school to discuss her recent IQ test results,i'm really not looking forward to it
School have been very defensive and basically have me down as a nightmare pushy mother,despite the fact dd1 went to the same school and i never went in to see the teachers in all her time there,in fact i bet some of the teachers wouldn'nt have even known who i was back then!
I'm really looking for any help or advice anyone has as to how i should handle this meeting,i know they have done some sats papers with dd over the last couple of weeks which whilst i'm glad they are doing something it kind of defeates the object imo as i'm sure they will have been full of things dd has'nt yet been taught (with the exception of the reading one) so i can't imagine she will have done too well,but then the cynic in me thinks that this is why they have done them.
What i want to say is that i just want dd to be challenged at her own level,not pushed but challenged,but i'm unsure as to how i can get this across without making myself look even worse?
On a positive note dd has been moved up a couple of book bands which has already boosted her confidence which i'm really pleased about.
Maybe i'm looking at this meeting far too pessimistically(sorry about my spelling) but after all we have been through i can't help it.
I would be really greatful for any advice any of you have.

mrs s, have put a couple of the spring term blocks on the useful websites thread. I ill get round to the next few sometime soon.

Thanks susan thats really helpful,i had a little look yesterday,will take a proper look today.

A question i have been meaning to ask popped into my head,do any of your dc's have a lack of wanting to please the teacher or praise?
I have noticed lots of children dd's age seem to almost be in awe of the teacher and really want to please/get praise from her,dd really could'nt seem to care less.
Don't get me wrong she likes to win awards etc but for herself and she likes praise from me and dh but there have been many times when dd has had the chance for lots of praise from teachers,like when they have been discussing something dd knows lots about but when you say "oh thats nice,did you tell mrs x about that? i bet she would have been really interested in that" you get a look as if your crazy and a resounding "no!".
In a way i'm almost proud of the fact dd is secure enough in herself to not feel the need but its is slightly unusual for a 5yr old isnt it? but then i suppose so is dd

this is by no means a problem i want to sort out,just a genuine interest

Mrs Shears, dd doesn't always share what she knows with teacher, but more through shyness than anything else I think unfortunately. She is confident enough to answer questions etc & does like praise from her teacher, but if they were discussing something she knew a lot about she wouldn't volunteer extra information.

I wonder if your dd doesn't volunteer because she isn't asked for her input? Perhaps her teacher isn't asking the right sort of questions in your Dds opinion. For example if they are talking about farms perhaps the teacher is asking if anyone has ever been to a farm or if they know what a baby sheep is called, but your dd is actually thinking about something very different, perhaps what different types of farms there are (crops etc) ifyswim. Perhaps next time it happens you could ask her what questions the teacher actually asked. It might not be that she doesn't want to share, just that she thinks what she knows isn't appropriate/relevant to the discussion.

Hi joyn yes it could be those reasons,i don't think dd will ever change really with the volunteering info,i think its just her,she is sort of quite happy that she knows and does'nt see the need to prove herself iyswim.
I find it really interesting that she doesnt have this 'teacher worship' 'need for praise' thing that from what i can see most if not all of the other children in her class have.

Maybe she's picking up on you not thinking much to her teacher & that she is above this "wanting to please"?

there are more to come, 6 in all i think. never had to teach them, we were given the numeracy strategy and left to get on with it. i even remember the days before the literacy and numeracy strategies.

She has always been the same redhelenb,even when she started nursery and reception and i had no oppinions about the teachers.

Sorry, I have been lurking lately (a bit of work on, no time to write!).

Adoptmama thanks for your thoughts on Kumon - I knew nothing about it but had been toying with the idea of enrolling DD onto a Kumon programme for a bit of a maths boost - now I realise it probably wouldn't help in the slightest.

Mrsshears (I know you from another forum ) my DD is very similar to yours in not wanting to please the teacher (or any grown up) in particular! She adores certain people (her last year's TA & her new music teacher), but even with them will not do as she's told seek their praise. It's like she sees herself on the same level as grown ups, with equally valid views and no humility whatsoever! I sometimes wonder if this is, in fact, a "spectrummy" trait - but DD has been assessed as not having an ASD. I guess it's just a quirk of some G&T children?

Mrs Shears, dd is very similar in that doesn't tend to volunteer much to the teachers (and never has done either - we had to tell nursery that she could read as she saw no need to demonstrate it to them). But at the same time she does, I think, very much like her teacher.

There is a certain amount of not needing to show off and being self-contained there. But in her case, not demonstrating what she can do is, I think, linked with perfectionism. Because she can't do something as well as she might like, she'd rather not do it at all. She also - and school are now addressing this - got very disillusioned because she could see other children getting praised for doing things that she could do easily when she didn't, and so it didn't seem worth her while even trying.

And underlying it all is a profound shyness. So while she would very much like the praise, she is sometimes frightened to put her self forward in order to get it.

I'm not sure if any of this is the same, or if it's any use to you!