Let your love light SHINE (Y)

[Mouseface]

Hi, I'm Mouseface.

Welcome one and all to our 100,000,001th thread on healthier eating, losing weight, cake and of course cock chat!

So, I'm 8lbs lighter (still) and just maintaining....

How about you?

I didn't mean it like that all jet. I think what I mean is, for me if I was in your position (and I really don't know much of you backstory so I hope I'm not putting my foot in) it would be easy to say that if my childhood were different my life would be easier - and I'm sure in many ways that is very true.

But DH and I both had very stable childhoods, both of our parents still together and in love yada yada. Yet DH doesn't remember his childhood and my parents don't remember much of mine.

I'm not really making much sense, sorry. There is a point in there somewhere.

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I sometimes wish I remembered less. Not to say I don't totally understand what you mean, but I feel a weight of the past hanging down upon me.

Embarrassing memories that have crippled me for years, that others don't even remember, let alone give a shit about.

Reliving the times I could have made different choices. I kinda wasted my entire twenties.

I'd love to just start fresh sometimes.

Wasting, so do it. What's stopping you?

I remember too much. Memories arent the be all and end all. One of my sisters remembers virtually nothing about her childhood. I remember too much. pne of my earlier memories is watching someone die. not exactly plesant and one that would quite happily forget. I make a point of making memories I want to keep these days in a hope that eventually i might forget the ones that i dont want to remember.

I tell myself bad memories are just dreams, they didn't really happen.

i too have memories that i really really wish to forget (its shit that most of us do)

but, i still wish i knew when i learned to write, had a copy of the little book i wrote in primary school which won a competition. Stupid little things - and now that i have throroughly pissed myself off, i will bow out and sod off to bed

night all

OK, Stop being hard on yourself Jet.. if you imagine that stuff happening to someone else, I guess you would be extremely gentle and kind to them, I guess you would admire them for anything they achieved having had such a tough start, I think you would be full of admiration and courage that they were raising two fab girls, who they put first despite all their worst fears, that through all of this they established a career, and having more knocks in life went on to study for a degree. That that person took their fears one by one and started to face and conquer them.

That that person has a gentle, kind soul and a lovely sense of humour..I think you would take pride in knowing that person, and be honoured to witness the kind of inner strength that an individual needs to pick themselves up, against all adversity and quietly forge forward...

I know how hard it is when your self esteem is at rock bottom, but lady, you are awesome... I know it can never be the same as 'RL' but the lovely thing about this thread is that in some small way we have become each others witnesses.

However far along your journey you are Jet, you should be bloody proud of all that you have achieved, are achieving and will go on to do.. and the legacy you leave your girls is astonishing,

it's not OK to have the past that you have, but it's fully understandable that it gets to you, love your past self the way you love your precious girls because I think you deserve it.. I think you are a truly inspiring woman....xx

funny that me learning to write is one of my bad memories and i would really rather forget it. writing wasnt exactly something i was good at and the trauma that i went through to learn was probably best forgotten... if i could.

what mitts said. she is right as usual.

I don't know Bitter. There are practical things that make any big changes difficult.
No funding to do a degree.

We can't move to anywhere I'd like to yet, though getting out of this place is my main ambition.

I've got limited childcare options, even for a night out, let alone daytime.

All the things I think I'd like to do careerwise, I could be doing now really. Which makes me doubt a) whether I'd realy like to be doing it! and b) if I'm capable, otherwise I'd be doing it surely?

But then I think it's a confidence issue.

Blah! Been thinking about this stuff a lot lately, heads spinning.

Mitts - just wonderful. Read those words carfully Jet, she is very wise

Night all. xx

Oh what Mitts sais. Jet, you're amazing.

offskies night folks.

Night everyone

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Mittz - perfect

Right.

I'm utterly fucked off.

A) With MrMouse for not telling me that the Netbook came with a 'trial' (fucking trial) of office, excel, pp and word. So I have spent the entire day hasseling Microsoft.

Twat. Him, not me.

B) I'm pissed off I haven't caught up on the last 5 pages. I'm so sorry but I'm uber tired due to.......

C) Spending the fucking day trying to fix this fucking heap of shite and get to the bottom of the code request.

SO.........

I love you all heaps, fear that DeFluffs may be dead, saw something about DP and poison and cunt.

DS has had a God awful day. Puked for England.

DD trashed her shoes out in the rain FFS.

Take-away was wank so I got in the car and took it back, demanding it was freshly re-made!

And now, oh yes, now I'm far too tired to see how you all are so feel bad.

Hope you are all okay. Those who aren't I hope tomorrow is much better.

Checking out to go bury MrMouse in the fucking garden.

Jet - ignore my earlier post - what mittz said.

Wasting - I know I'm not one to talk, I don't like the area I live in or my job.

But I do try and change the things I can. I decided when DD was born that I would make more friends, so I did.

Would the OU be an option for you?

As for confidence - most people think I'm pretty confident. I fake it!

I don't mean the bollocks talking to people at parties when I'm actually shy - I'm not.

But when I feel I'm out of my depth I just tell myself I'm acting a role and brazen it out.

My Nan always used to say it's not whether you are right or wrong - it's whether you're certain.
Works for me, I've never had a job interview where I didn't get the job.

But I am an overweight loser who works in a supermarket, so free to take the advice with as much salt as required.

DEM, me too with reading and writing, not traumatic, as such, but being aware that I was significantly underachieving.

Sorry Mouse, x posts. Did you see I left you some soup?

Mouse, whatever else may have happened today, you fucking kick arsefor taking the take-away back.

Bitter, OUs too pricey at the minute. I have a degree and an MA, so I don't know if I really want to totally change, or if I'm just not wanting to leave education. I'm so institutionalised, it's so sad.

Yum Bitter xx

Wasting - I NEVER DO THAT but I had a complete Michael Douglas 'Falling Down' moment. Fuckers. Do they not know who I am?????

I am the Mouse! GGGrrrrr! The Cheeky Rodent FFS! I have monumental P M fucking T!!!

Back the fuck off you fuckity fucker!!!

Righty oh, bed. Night lovelies!!

She was a fab lady, double.

It's advice I have taken to heart.