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Original poster

TOO MUCH CALPOL

207 replies

huggybear · 23/05/2005 13:08

i posted a comment a while ago on someone s thread about a friend who gave her dd 3 tablespoons of calpol to get her to sleep and people posted back that it was dangerous (as they should and i agree) but the problem is, is that shes still doing it! she lets her swig from the bottle and gives her 20mil ect. her dd is only 2 years old. ive told her over and over again that shes going to harm her daughter but she says "shes used to it" or "it wont do her any harm" and more recently shes actually handed her dd the bottle and said "lets make auntie xxx cross" ffs

i need advice of what to say/do because even if she seems fine after taking the calpol it could be doing her long term damage! ive seen her do it 3 times in the last week

OP posts:
lockets · 24/05/2005 10:57

This reply has been deleted

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Aero · 24/05/2005 10:59

I don't know what the HV would do, but they're not in the business of removing children if it can at all be avoided. As far as I'm aware, that would be a very last resort. I expect though that they may well want to have her checked out and probably monitered for a while, but am no expert in these matters. No matter what though, you do need to help her, even if that eans the child is placed in safety and the friendship is lost.
I'm so sorry you're going through this though and that this huge unwanted responsibility has been placed in your hands.

LIZS · 24/05/2005 11:08

Think SS'policy is currently trying to keep families together as far as possible, with extra support where required. afaik the HV alone has no legal powers but could contact SS, police, drs etc if she feels it necessary. Chances are they have an allocated Social Worker anyway, if there is a history of violence in the home, and he/she may get involved. Don't think they'd remove the dd unless she is immediate danger or there are other circumstances of which perhaps you are not aware. This could be the tip of the iceberg and your friend may need some help to change her attitude and behaviour.

Horrible responsibility for you but you now need to pass this over to those who can deal with it appropriately, don't think you can do much more yourself. Good luck.

starlover · 24/05/2005 11:11

I don't think they will take the child away unless they really feel that she is in danger. The visit may well just shock your friend into stopping!

Original poster
huggybear · 24/05/2005 11:12

ive made her sound awful

but shes a nice girl - my friend, shes just being a bit thick maybe and underestimating the risk - she may change her ways when i show her al the info im collecting? she thinks scaremongering plays a big part - she doesnt believe that chain smoking around kids is bad for there health!

maybe im just feeling guilty and trying to make excuses for her. wish i hadnt started this thread now - cant bury my head in the sand any more!!!

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 24/05/2005 11:18

Hi, in my first year as student nurse in our pharmacology lectures we were warned of the dangers of paracetomel. If a person has intolerance (and some do) even a slight overdose can prove to be fatal. Paracetomal is dangerous and damaging to the liver. There are reasons for them stating the doseage and it is not there as a rough guide. I think you should speak to friend even if it means she is no longer a friend as the childs welfare is more important. As i understand it, in some countries you cannot purchase products containing paracetomal over the counter and that you have to get a prescription for it.

starlover · 24/05/2005 11:20

don't feel bad huggybear. Your friend is naive, to an extreme extent, and I don't believe she is doing this maliciously... but people on here have reascted this way because this is very serious! Which you know, otherwise you wouldn't hjave posted to start with!
I really do hope that the info you show her makes her think twice and that you don't have to go down the SS route.... please update us!

Aero · 24/05/2005 12:02

Your friend is not awful Huggy, but struggling to cope through difficult times, and seemingly either naive or in denial about things which are potentially very harmful and therefore in need of help. Any parent who loves their child would not harm them willingly or knowingly, so if she thinks these dangerous things she is doing is ok, then she is in need of help and some serious education. There are people who can help her and you are doing all you can by getting her that help. You are doing the right thing by speaking out for her dd. She will know you care about her. It just might take some time for her to see it.

HappyMumof2 · 24/05/2005 13:26

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Original poster
huggybear · 24/05/2005 13:32

am still here putting off the inevitable. Shes at work til 5.30pm anyway so im ok till then. She gives her the calpol because of silly things like a papercut and when ive questioned it she says "oh thats nothing - shes used to more than that" which i found really scary.

Asked dh what he thought i should do and he didnt know. she is godmother to my kids.

am not at college anymore so going to carry on looking for stuff to print off for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
huggybear · 24/05/2005 13:32

am still here putting off the inevitable. Shes at work til 5.30pm anyway so im ok till then. She gives her the calpol because of silly things like a papercut and when ive questioned it she says "oh thats nothing - shes used to more than that" which i found really scary.

Asked dh what he thought i should do and he didnt know. she is godmother to my kids.

am not at college anymore so going to carry on looking for stuff to print off for her.

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starlover · 24/05/2005 13:32

why does she think it is necessary though? very odd... perhaps she has just got into a habit of doing it. it's very strange...

CountessDracula · 24/05/2005 13:33

Huggybear you are so brave. Well done for doing the right thing in such a difficult situation. I told dh about this last night and he too was horrified and upset. I just hope the hv can talk some sense into her

HappyMumof2 · 24/05/2005 13:34

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LIZS · 24/05/2005 13:46

That had occurred to me too HappyMumof2 , but then wouldn't she be seeking attention from a doctor, hv or hospital as a result or is that only an extreme part of it ? It could well be that she doesn't take on board the potential harm but the Calpol must cost her a fortune if govne in that quantity everyday. For her dd is is probably justa drink, much as another parent might offer a swig of beer from a bottle.

Worrying abuse of otc medicines, and if she is obvious about Calpol there may be others less evident. Also what is she teaching her dd about using drugs, be they otc or prescribed, and when it is appropriate or necessary to take something or not. I suspect that it would have little effect on the pain from a papercut for example.

HappyMumof2 · 24/05/2005 13:52

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Original poster
huggybear · 24/05/2005 14:01

she used to take coke alot but that was before she got pregnant. shes a very lonely person atm and is trying to get herdelf pregnant by this married man shes seeing so he will leave his wife for her. my dh isnt happy about the amount of time i spend there but she needs me atm. she hasnt always been like this, its just since her ex did what he did. she lost her home and came to stay with us until she got a rented place. her dd is rarely ill, shes well dressed and has lots of toys although i have noticed that since she kicked her ex out she seems to sometimes be a bit rough. she tried to od when she was 18 or 19 but reckons it was the affect of the coke. she drinks socially but not to the extent that shes blind drunk - infact she is the one that keeps all her friends in check when there out. she had a social worker visit last year about the violence in the house and it scared the life out of her and made her realise she had to get rid of ex. it took her a while and he stole the baby and the police had to get her back, since then he has been harrassing her and kidnapped and beat her. he was only arressted last week and she is terrified of him. dont know if any of this is relevant to the calpol thing

OP posts:
Original poster
huggybear · 24/05/2005 14:01

she used to take coke alot but that was before she got pregnant. shes a very lonely person atm and is trying to get herdelf pregnant by this married man shes seeing so he will leave his wife for her. my dh isnt happy about the amount of time i spend there but she needs me atm. she hasnt always been like this, its just since her ex did what he did. she lost her home and came to stay with us until she got a rented place. her dd is rarely ill, shes well dressed and has lots of toys although i have noticed that since she kicked her ex out she seems to sometimes be a bit rough. she tried to od when she was 18 or 19 but reckons it was the affect of the coke. she drinks socially but not to the extent that shes blind drunk - infact she is the one that keeps all her friends in check when there out. she had a social worker visit last year about the violence in the house and it scared the life out of her and made her realise she had to get rid of ex. it took her a while and he stole the baby and the police had to get her back, since then he has been harrassing her and kidnapped and beat her. he was only arressted last week and she is terrified of him. dont know if any of this is relevant to the calpol thing

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 24/05/2005 14:33

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trix · 24/05/2005 14:46

I agree and you should not feel you are betraying a friend. You could feel a whole lot worse if you dont try to do something about it sooner rather than later. Your friend needs help from a good friend like you.

mears · 24/05/2005 15:52

Well done huggybear in taking these steps. You could start by reassuring your friend that you only want to help her. It sounds as though she needs other mechanisms to deal with her child instead of resorting to Calpol. Her HV will help her with that. There is no way her child will be taken away from her. All efforts will be made to help her with coping strategies. She may well be offered parenting classes. It won't be easy but you are absolutely doing the right, responsible thing.

Flossam · 24/05/2005 18:06

Huggybear, sorry I didn't have enough time earlier to find anything. Just had a quick look now and have found this, which is written as a guide for patients and their parents. Again, remember that acetaminophen is the american name for paracetamol. about acute liver failure . Really hope that helps HB. You are definately doing the right thing. Good luck, please let me know how it goes.

Flossam · 25/05/2005 12:20

Did you manage to talk to her HB? Hope everthing is ok for you.

CountessDracula · 25/05/2005 13:37

bump

Flossam · 25/05/2005 16:13

I've seen you huggybear, come out come out wherever you are!