TOO MUCH CALPOL

[huggybear]

i posted a comment a while ago on someone s thread about a friend who gave her dd 3 tablespoons of calpol to get her to sleep and people posted back that it was dangerous (as they should and i agree) but the problem is, is that shes still doing it! she lets her swig from the bottle and gives her 20mil ect. her dd is only 2 years old. ive told her over and over again that shes going to harm her daughter but she says "shes used to it" or "it wont do her any harm" and more recently shes actually handed her dd the bottle and said "lets make auntie xxx cross" ffs

i need advice of what to say/do because even if she seems fine after taking the calpol it could be doing her long term damage! ive seen her do it 3 times in the last week

I know it's v hard huggy, but I think you may have to go out on a limb with this one - try again to be reasonable, show her the info, talk again and say it's causing you so much stress that you'll have no choice to tell her hv.

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Hmm...if the calpol seems to be effective at getting the child to sleep, it is presumably because she has learnt to associate "medicine" with sleep. Perhaps if your friend really needs her dd off to sleep without fuss, maybe she could substitute a harmless placebo? Paediatric Simple Linctus can be bought over the counter for a few pence, and is "harmless" according to the British National Formulary.

Do you think she might go for that?

her mom put her into care at 15 cause she was seeing an asian lad (he's actually her dd's dad) but he's in prison now cause he's an abusive wierdo. im going to print some stuff off about paracetamol od's. she ought to know really cause she took an od at 17 and the hospital told her that she could have damaged her liver long term. its going to have to be the tough friend routine i think.

Good luck - v tough situation for you to be in.

btw I'm not advocating medicine for sleep in general, just in this situation. Mum maybe needs to be in control of something in her life, and this is how she shows it?

How will you know if she stops giving it to her though. She may carry on in secret.

I think you have to inform SS or her H.V.

Tissy, I think offereing an alternative positive option is a really good idea.

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the rational part of me knows what i have to do, but theres another part of me that has less confidence that i'll be doing the right thing - a fear of losing my friend probably. and your right. the times ive mentioned are when ive been there and shes less stressed than normal, so how do i know what she does when im not around? i dont.

i'm seeing the health visitor later anyway so i'll mention it then - best to keep her anon do you think?

the most ive seen her give is about 35mls [shocked]

is that enough to kill? (there and then i mean - not long term)

Well if the h.v asks who it is then I would certainly tell her.

This woman could have already caused her dd long term damage, she needs to be stopped.

OMG Huggy that is awful.

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yes, same health visitor.

am nervous now!

ive just bought a house on the same road as her too!

any ideas what the health visitor would do? go and see her or write to her or what?

and she'll know it was me who told cause im the only one that knows!!!

35ml is 840 mg of paediatric suspension, which is less than the maximum allowed in 24 hours for that age-group, BUT, whether the dose does damage as a one-off depends on the child's weight and susceptibility. If she is only giving it at bedtime, it may have done no harm, but I would be worried about repeated overdosing.

This is a very tough situation for you hb, but sometimes in friendship, when you really care about that person (which is very clear you do), then you may have to be prepared to let the friendship go in order to do what is best for that person.
Am I making sense? You would never forgive yourself if that child did come to harm because of this and knowing you could have done something about it. The mother would more than likely thank you in the long run, once she's seen the light as it were. You would be being the best friend you could possibly be to her by getting her the help she needs and that may mean blowing the whistle and putting your friendship to the test enormously, with the possibility of it coming to an end.
This is a terribly difficult situation though, and I'm sure I'd have great difficulty in taking my own advice, but whether she realizes it or not, this is a form of abuse and I'm sure if she truly realised the potential consequences of her actions, she wouldn't be doing it.

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i know you're right areo.

and i know that i have to sort it out. we've been best friends for 10 years but i feel like im condoning child abuse! i'll talk to her later and see if she'll see the health visitor with me. i care to much about her dd to let it go...

i just feel bad that i didnt do anything earlier, what if her liver is already damaged - it'd be my fault

and you're right too happymomof2 (i know ive spelt your name wrong!)

Tell HV, if not SS. This is cruel and unnecessary and dangerous and she needs to be stopped. If you make it a big issue and tell her you will be telling HV etc, who's to say she just won't stop doing it in front of you? No, she needs to be stopped. He lack of concern for her poor DD is absolutely appalling and I really think you need to do something about it. ASAP, really.

huggy - my friend used to work in liver ITU at the QE and she's seen people die from overdosing sometimes by not very much at all! Your friend is very stupid and is abusing her daughter regardless of how much she loves her. She will thank you in the long run when her daughter grows up otherwise she will be visiting a grave in the cemetary. I know which I'd prefer!