I didn't think I could namechange back, but I can, so a year on here's an update....the miracle has happened.
I made it to the meeting the following day, didn't get it at all and decided just to stop drinking for a month, which was when I was due to go on a big family holiday. The holiday was great, although I got a bit twitchy when I couldn't have enough to drink.
I drank steadily on the plane home and a month later hit my rock bottom. I was utterly desperate, and just praying that something would happed and the whole situation would be taken out of my hands. I told my DH and Mother pretty much what I said in the first post here (amazingly they had no idea that drink was the problem, though I was manifestly very unhappy) and got back to the rooms.
I still didn't understand how AA was going to help, but as my best attempts to manage my life and drinking were not working I stopped drinking and started attending meetings. I've had a couple of slips on the way; at the beginning I was only attending 1 meeting a week and not thinking about drinking outside the rooms.
I am now six months sober, work a good programme, (on step 4 now), have a sponsor and get to as many meetings as I can fit in, sometimes 2 a day, at least 4/ week.
It says in the promises 'if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through'- I'm certainly living that; I'm happier now than I ever have been. I have a job, having avoided work through fear for years, even before my alcoholism was active. My relationships in and without my family are harmonious and drama, if not problem, free.
Everyone who answered me above 12 stepped me. I read the book jasper linked to and I revisit it still- it makes for a different read this side of the bottle. I bumped into MIFLAW a few weeks ago and was very proud to tell him how we'd met before and how he'd helped me.
Thank you all again for answering last year.