do I have a drink problem?

[farmhouseSally]

have namechanged though am not a prolific poster. would welcome honest views please.

I have a drink most evenings, always wine. I never get drunk but am worried really because I am never able to resist having a glass... I've never had great willpower on anything "nice" - chocolate, wine, staying up too late to read a good book even when exhausted etc.

Most mornings I wake up, feel vaugely fuzzy, not hungover but always think "I won't have a drink tonight". But when it gets to 5 o'clock I'm thinking, "once dd is in bed I'd love a glass of wine." and so around 7.30pm I have 1 glass, usually 2, 3 tops. I find it virtually impossible to go without wine (or chocolate, or staying up late etc) once I've decided that's what I would "like" / "need" / "deserve". Am a lone parent btw.

I do know I'm not an alcoholic in that I don't drink in the mornings, get drunk, drink regardless of the context etc etc. If there was no wine in the house in the evening I wouldn't go out to buy it and leave dd in the house alone for example. I'm not drinking to excess but I also know that 2 glasses a night on average still isn't that good for my health when I add up the units. and my lack of willpower is what worries me. There is wine in the house now because I had guests for dinner on Saturday and they all brought a bottle.

sorry this is so long. would be very interested in views on this and any advice.

thanks

honestly?

If you are not able to go without alcohol then you have a drink problem.

You don't have to be steaming drunk every night or drinking in secret in the morning to be an alcoholic.

And although I wouldn't say that you are an alcoholic as such I would say you are a dependent drinker iyswim.

I wouldn't say you are an alcholic.

Do you ever not drink in the evening?

Would agree that you are a deopendant drinker.
There are lots of support threads on here.
You are not alone, I think most of us fret we drink too much.
You should try and have a few alcoholfree nights.
Buy some nice soft drinks - I like Peartise or herbal teas.

It sounds like you are dependent on alcohol, yes - or a habitual drinker

Don't think I'd use the term 'alcoholic' as your life doesn't seem like it's out of control or unmanageable (from what you've posted, anyway)

you sound like me - we ( me and dh) have recently cut down as were getting through a bottle each night between us - a bit alcohol dependent, not alcoholic. We are currently just drinking on a Friday and Saturday.

Try to think about how not having wine every night will help you; obvious health benefits as well as feeling mentally sharper and more energetic. I have lost a bit of weight too!(always a good thing in my case!)

I associate the glass of wine with that time when I can switch off after the children are in bed, I can relax etc....it's an easy habit to fall into but I really like knowing I am drinking less. I also enjoy it more when I do have a drink. Sorry if i sound sanctimonious!

Why don't you make a deal with yourself; for all the money you save ( say around £6 per day when you don't have a bottle of wine) but yourself something nice at the end of the month?

£6 - clearly I drink the cheaper stuff!

thanks for honesty! there are evenings when I don't drink. I recently didn't drink for a couple of months because I was ill - various flu things over Christmas and just had no appetite in general.

it's more that I contradict myself all the time. so I am trying to be sensible and decide that I will not drink or buy chocolate, or will get an early night ... and then it's like a switch goes in my head and I think "ah fuck it" and do the exact opposite of what I know is the right thing to do for my own health.

donnie what you say is how I am I think - in a habit which I know I should break but just can't seem to.

if I just don't feel like a drink then I don't have one.

my life is definitely not affected by drinking, other than I know that if I didn't a drink, went to bed earlier I would feel more healthy - obviously!

alcoholism is nothing to with when you drink, what you drink, how much you drink

It is to do with a mental obsession with alcohol.

I am also not saying that you are an alcoholic but if it's impossible to not drink and it becomes unmanageable please seek help.

sending you good thoughts

I agree with notnow regaring your personal situation being alcohol dependent.

But this:
I do know I'm not an alcoholic in that I don't drink in the mornings, get drunk, drink regardless of the context etc etc.

Is a myth.

You can definitely be an alcoholic and not drink in the mornings, get a DUI or even get drunk (mainly because your tolerance is very high, but some also force themselves to vomit).

Hmmm. You're not drinking that much, really. What;s your body mass like (you needn't give a precise answer) but unless you are a very petite person indeed, a couple of glasses a night most nights is around the 14-unit-a-week 'guideline' (which is, by the way, completely spurious, the GOvt have admitted this, but it's not a level at which anyone will come to any harm).

I do agree with solid about all that counting units shite.

I'd never heard of that in the whole world till moving here.

First thought was, 'Is that made up? That sounds made up?'

I think a lot of the problems with drink in this society are because it's demonised so much, like food, and we have the rising obesity levels to prove it.

But myths like, 'I'm not an alcoholic, I never drink alone/only drink mixed drinks/never got a DUI, etc.' are tripe, too.

I drink much the same as you've said most nights - sometimes more at the weekend when dh and I actually get to spend an evening together. I don't consider myself to be an alcoholic as I have had two dc's and gave up alcohol completely whilst pregnant. I even remember dh buying a nice bottle of wine for when I came home with dd and I took one sip and couldn't drink any more. I can leave it but I don't particularly want to. It's a habit though that is so hard to break and I'm sure I drink merely because it is there and I can and that is the "norm" for me right now. If I didn't have it in the house then I wouldn't drink.

So, will it get worse for the OP, is that the issue?

Because I'm just wondering, say she drinks 2-3 glasses per night for the rest of her life and, if she doesn't, she really really misses it and wouldn't want to go without it - is that such a problem? It's not a vast amount of alcohol, is it?

I don't know. I'm not expert but I am curious. I come from a family where we drink wine at most supper times (at least one glass each) and it's not something we even think about. We rarely get drunk but we would miss it a lot if it weren't there like we'd miss a dessert. I would definitely miss dessert too. Now that I'm pg, I'm not drinking at all but if I weren't, I would definitely expect a glass or two of wine with my meal.

Does that make me alcohol dependent too? Eeeeek.

j

Come join us over here

Lots of discussions and support with cutting down/giving up. If you THINK it is a problem, it probably is.

PS I agree with Expat. I definitely have a problem with alcohol, but I hold down a full time responsible job and don't swig vodka for breakfast. No-one who knows me would use the "alcoholic" word. (At least I don't think they would). But in all probability I tick most of the boxes.

i have a problem with that once i have one i can't seem to stop

stopping atm. it's hard especially as tv is unusually crap and i'm alone most nights.

I was going to say.. if your asking the question.. you must be thinking it might be.

You sound alot like me farmhouse Sally - especially the willpower issues.

I feel like far too much of my 'issues' with wine, chocolate, crisps etc are caught up in my 'I have 2 small children, work really hard, often have nights where I'm woken up at some point, don't go out on my own any more so I DESERVE a treat' mentality.

I start of many days with good intentions but fail miserably.

Answers, I have none, but you're not alone!

You sound like me. I try very hard to have a couple of nights off, drink third to half a bottle other nights and always feel muzzy and down day after. This for me is the key issue...if it leaves me feeling shit, why do I do it? Truth is, if Im having a stressy time then the benefit of a drink evenings seems to outweigh the downside the next day. I keep telling myself I'll cut down when life is easier, but lets face it, it never is (or not for long anyway.) I know Im a dependent drinker, I guess Im paranoid enough about the health effects for it not to get any worse, but I really do need to get a grip. My dad died of throat cancer, had a similar drinking style to me, I really dont want to do the same...at the mo, this fear route seems to be working for me and I have cut back a bit. I know some will say I dont drink that much (its all relative, lets face it) but I have read a bit lately about an increased cancer risk associated with drinking and its making me twitchy.

The bigger risk and rising amongst women is liver disease associated with a regular drinking habit.

tbh if you have a complusion to drink, and are not able to stop yourself drinking you may well be an alcholic.

My dh recently admitted to me a problem with drinking that I had not even been aware of. Never drunk never drinking in the morning just in the evening to "relax"

AA suggest that if you ever wonder if you are an alcholic you proably are....

AA have a website and although dh didn't buy into all the god sttuff it did help him answer the question as to whether alcohol was a problem for him.

Probably not what you wanted to hear but good luck and HTH

Doris

WW brings up a VERY valid point and one which makes me I think all these public service organisations are approaching alcohol use entirely the wrong way: they are doing their best trying to make people feel guilty about alcohol use, regardless of whether they've got a problem or not.

The units thing, for example. Smacks of counting calories and diets, which we all know don't work long-term and have probably lead to even more obesity and health problems from yo-yo dieting.

Demonising food, and alcohol can be seen as food, leads people to too often adopt an 'all or nothing' approach which may not be the best for them and may in fact fuel binge drinking when people get into the mindset: 'oh, well, I've already blown my units for the week, I'll have the whole bottle.'

People start to adopt a willpower strategy towards even rather normal levels of drinking and then feel unecessary guilt and stress needlessly and it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy of dependence.

How about seeing it as a pleasurable food stuff and treating it as such for a while, rather than counting units and beating yourself up over it and seeing how that goes, first?

thanks again all (have been doing dd bedtime but now back.

everything you say is interesting and helpful. expat when I typed the words "I know I'm not an alcoholic" I was also thinking, 'gosh that sounds like denial.' so your points are very pertinent. However, I don't believe I have a mental obsession with alcohol. I don't drink so much that I cannot get drunk IYSWIM. I had no problem giving up when I was pg, in fact most pg people I knew blathered on about how a small glass every couple of days was good for them whilst I had a complete zero tolerance to alcohol during pg and didn't touch a drop even after the morning sickness had gone and I could have faced it. also bf dd for 7 months and had the odd glass then in the evenings but not much at all.

I think that I am very much in the helsbels winkywinkola nooonit and DontGetIt camp. It is a habit, an enjoyable habit, that I don't want to give up but I do sometimes wonder if I am too dependent. and in the mornings after not enough sleep I make a resolution that I then can't keep that evening and this is what concerns me. If there wasn't wine in the house I wouldn't drink anything. So I could go and pour away the bottles in the cupboard my guests brought right? But that's a waste of money as I have more guests this weekend and will then have to go and buy more wine as we will all drink then.

I'll wander over to the teetotal / heavy drinking thread that was kindly linked and see if anything there is ringing bells

the "I never get drunk" bit does not mean you dont have a problem, quite the opposite - I rarely drink so when I do I get drunk on a glass or two, My friends mum drank g and ts every day but never got drunk which I always thought meant that her problem was pretty serious