do I have a drink problem?

[farmhouseSally]

have namechanged though am not a prolific poster. would welcome honest views please.

I have a drink most evenings, always wine. I never get drunk but am worried really because I am never able to resist having a glass... I've never had great willpower on anything "nice" - chocolate, wine, staying up too late to read a good book even when exhausted etc.

Most mornings I wake up, feel vaugely fuzzy, not hungover but always think "I won't have a drink tonight". But when it gets to 5 o'clock I'm thinking, "once dd is in bed I'd love a glass of wine." and so around 7.30pm I have 1 glass, usually 2, 3 tops. I find it virtually impossible to go without wine (or chocolate, or staying up late etc) once I've decided that's what I would "like" / "need" / "deserve". Am a lone parent btw.

I do know I'm not an alcoholic in that I don't drink in the mornings, get drunk, drink regardless of the context etc etc. If there was no wine in the house in the evening I wouldn't go out to buy it and leave dd in the house alone for example. I'm not drinking to excess but I also know that 2 glasses a night on average still isn't that good for my health when I add up the units. and my lack of willpower is what worries me. There is wine in the house now because I had guests for dinner on Saturday and they all brought a bottle.

sorry this is so long. would be very interested in views on this and any advice.

thanks

At least you got rid of the abusive boyfriend, expat. Not nice, though.

OMG! I've done that too!

I only did it drunk because I forgot why we split up/blew up/ran a mile in opposite directions in the first place.

I did at one time continue on with a drunken one-night stand.

Then he called me one night and said he was coming over.

Then told me he was 'kind of freaking out' because he'd sold someone some bad acid.

Even in the state I was in then, alarm bells went off and I thought, 'Shit, I'm already an alkie, I don't need to add drugs into this equation.'

Still shagged him again, though .

Just to clarify, I mean I google them or stalk them on facebook (stalkers anonymous) - I don't go hammering on their doors at 4am. Not any more!

I cringe when I think of some of the voicemail messages I must have left over the years.

I know The only small consolation being they were probably left for people just as pissed, who hopefully didn't remember.

Me too! They usually start off:

'Hi, it's me... um, you know, um, ilovemydog....

'It's 5:00pm here, so it must be later there. Gosh, is it 7 or 8 hours later? so, that would make it 8:00 am or 9am? Have you gone to daylight savings time? '

'So, just calling to say 'hi'....'

'But can't really work out what time it is over there...'

'OK, bye...'

If they were former boyfriends of mine then, yes, Fairy, that's about a 100% of that being so. Or tweaking/stoned/tripping/fixing/rolling or some combinatio.

Yeah, or the 'I just called to see what's been up . . . '

At 4AM here.

I often got to that drunken stage where it seemed like a really good idea to ring - at whatever time - and then just put the phone down. I mean, he'd never guess it was me, would he?

Fucking bastard italics, I hate them.

Oh - I used to do this with ex BF who I was half still in love with! Till the time I rang him and he had ANOTHER woman there! How very dare he! He was supposed to mope about like Miss Haversham forever getting over me!

Hey, PLP, how you doing? Off/on the booze?

(Feeble attempt to drag thread back into line)

Ooh I'm really tempted to dial that number now!

Yeah ...

... don't.

only read the first post - one drink fine. if it's more then you're lying to yourself (and us ) and so a problem.

Fairy - tonight I have wine! After reading this thread I feel a bit guilty that I do. I've really struggled all week and MIFLAW does talk a LOT of sense. I even know the Canterbury Wetherspoons of which he speaks.

Basically my Dad is one of those "proper" alcoholics. His work got rid of him after 40 years! Supposedly redundancy but even i can see really why. So can he.

He is 60 and in very poor health. I do NOT want to end up like that. My dd is little and needs me. I cannot afford to let this ruin my life.

PS He started on the rocky road, by just having one too many at dinner parties....

I still can't find that Wetherspoon's story, it's bugging me, dammit.

PLP, keep at it. I think you talk a lot of sense, too, and fwiw I think you have a much more realistic approach (probably because of your dad) than some of the others.

I sometimes question whether I'm an alcoholic, and I'm in AA! Now I've got some distance between my life now and my drinking days, it's tempting to look back and think 'I wasn't as bad as some people' or even 'I wouldn't be like that now'. But I know that's not true - because I'm being forced to be more honest with myself these days - and quite honestly I'm just so much happier now that I don't think I'd ever go back, even if I did kid myself I could drink sensibly.

People talk about stopping drinking being like getting off a lift: you can go right down to the bottom, or you can get off higher up if realise in time. Some people need to crash to the bottom before they're forced to do something about it, others get out earlier. But everyone needs to find the right time.

Shit, I sound like a god-botherer, sorry. Will stop now. Enjoy your wine!

No Fairy, you're right. It is like a lift - that is a really good analogy. Some, like the OP, have realised early on that it might be a problem, and want to get off.

Some others, maybe like me for example, deny it and leave it and leave it and then jump off at the last minute and hope it's not too late.

Others go right to the bottom (like my dad)and need help getting off. If the help isn't there, they just sit there and get worse and worse.

MIFLAW's story was that he tried to count units and ended up with a crashed car and a 2 year driving ban. And reading between the lines it was lucky that noone got hurt.....

Oh, I did read that story. Listen, don't beat yourself up too much. I don't think you're denying very much, and you're certainly addressing what might be a problem with a lot of sense and the right motivation. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad.

Really happy to talk about this more if you'd like to. I HAVE to go to bed now (see, trying to control my mumsnet addiction now!) but hope I'll see you around on one of these booze threads soon.

Hello all.

Which Wetherspoon's - or AlcoDisney, as I prefer to call it - do you know in Canterbury, Porto? There are two - that's the sort of town Canterbury is. I used to drink in the one at the top of town because it was near the teacher training college for after work. And lunchtime. And morning breaks ...

Quite fittingly, it is also very close to the magistrate's court.

I recall there was one down by the cathedral and one near the Westgate?? It's been a while. I was born in Dover and lived in Deal, Ash, Dover etc until 3 years ago when we moved to Brussels. We've had many a good night out there.

Cathedral one.

I've started loads of good nights out there too - and finished a lot of bad ones ...

Bump.